The Unofficial Guide Reader's Bill of Rights.
The Unofficial Guide Panel of Experts.
Introduction.
I. What Brings You Here?
1. Dating Again: Exciting--and Terrifying!
Re-socializing as a Single Adult
What's Expected of Me?
Haunted by Old Mistakes and Bad Experiences.
Figuring Out the Fearsome Singles Scene.
Putting Yourself on the Line.
Regression: Youthful Feelings and Fears Resurface.
Taking Risks, Making Mistakes
Am I Paranoid, or Is This as Risky as It Feels?
Who's in Control--of Whom?
Learning as You Go: Mistakes are Okay.
Confronting Your Emotional Baggage.
The Baggage of Your Past.
A Course in Emotional Growth.
Dealing With Your Fears.
The Thrill of It All.
Just the Facts.
2. The Problems, and How to Overcome Them.
The Quibbles and the Waffles.
I'm Not Ready.
No One Will Like Me.
It's Going to be a Disaster Right From the Start.
I Can't Do This to the Kids, the Cat, My Roommate, My Ex, Myself.
Facing the Unknown.
There Are No Guarantees.
Worst Case, You'll Live.
Time Is on Your Side, If You Let It Be.
Don't Rush it-It's Going to Take a While.
Squirrel Hunting--How to Do It.
Handling the Hurts.
On Again, Off Again.
Set Up a Support System.
Mastering Your Mistakes.
Dating Again Means You Have a History.
Memories Can Help or Hurt.
You Thought Your Mourning Was Over?
Debunking Social Expectations and Myths.
Myth #1: There Aren't Enough Eligible Partners to Go Around.
Myth #2: You Only Get to Love One Person In a Lifetime.
Myth #3: Dating Is Only for the Young.
Myth #4: They're All Losers--or I Am.
Where Do We Go From Here?
Justthe Facts.
II. Developing Your Dating Skills.
3. Preparation.
Be "Irresistible"--Don't Resist It.
Let It Be a Learning Process.
Have Fun With It.
A Positive Approach.
The Tennis Match… He Hits One, You Hit One.
What Are You Projecting? What Are You Receiving?
The Deadpan Model Vs. the Lively Plain Girl.
Seek Friends--Not Lovers.
Don't Be Afraid to Try.
Your Relationship With You--How Do You Feel?
Set Your Scanner to "On".
Notice the People Around You.
Conversation Is Available Anywhere.
Stay In Your Own Head--Not Hers (Or His).
Invite Interest By Showing Interest.
Drop the Right Hints.
Interviewing.
Attentive Speaking.
Conversational Openers.
Try on a Persona: Practice Being the Femme Fatale, the Hero.
Imagining Your Mr. or Ms. Right.
Your Ideal Lover.
Make a Relationship Map.
Birds of a Feather--Meet Friends of Friends.
Never Miss a Party.
Make New Friends, Keep The Old
Network Like Crazy!
You're Going to Have More Fun Than You Think.
Not Just Looking for Dates But Enjoying Life.
Exotic Places to Look.
Becoming the Person You Want to Meet.
You'll Miss This Single Life When You're Mated, Really.
Just the Facts.
4. Let's Get Out There and Have Fun!
What are You Looking for?
Establishing Your Dating Priorities.
Gauging Your Dating Needs.
Where Does Dating Fit in Your Overall Life?
Evaluating Your Relationship Needs.
Celebration + Appreciation = Motivation.
What Will Make This Fun for You?
Celebrate the Small Steps.
Think Globally, Act Locally.
Acquire an Arsenal.
Clothes and Make Over.
Support System.
Communication Techniques.
Don't Call It Dating, Call It Squirrel Hunting.
Making It Fun.
What Are You Interested in Learning?
What's Fun About You?
How to be Fatally Attractive.
Finding a Dating Process That Suits You.
Age Differences in Dating.
Gender Differences in Dating.
Don't Get Too Serious.
Give Yourself a Choice.
Focus on Fun and Friendship.
Why the Rules Work for Both Genders.
Better Safe Than Sorry.
The Un-Date.
With Others Around.
Un-Date Times and Places.
Flow--Ease in Getting Together.
Don't be a Drag: Following, Not Leading.
Just the Facts.
5. Defining the Dating Players.
Know Yourself: Who Are You?
Selective Attention: How It Works.
Know-yourself Exercise.
Visualizing Yourself in a Relationship.
Where You've Been: Analysis of History.
Where You're Going: What Will be Different.
Choosing Your Target: Your Ideal Mate.
Beauty is Only Skin Deep.
Your Basic Requirements--the Tudes.
The Frills.
Your Past Partners.
Positives: What Was Good About Him/Her.
Negatives: What Was Not Good About Her/Him.
Problems: What Relationship Difficulties Did You Have
Solutions: Were You Able to Solve Them?
How Does the Next Partner Need to be Same/Different?
Just the Facts.
III. Where to Go.
6. Squirrel Hunting.
The Best Odds.
Intrinsically Interesting Places.
The Friends Network.
Organized Resources.
Why it Works.
Why Effective Dating Looks Difficult.
The Worst Odds.
Bars/Clubs.
Singles Events.
Work.
Recovery Groups.
Therapy Groups.
Your Ex.
Why It Looks Easy.
Why It Doesn't Work.
Resources.
The Connection's Made--Now What?
Sorry, Wrong Number.
Personalizing the Personals.
Organizations for Singles.
Internet.
Networking--or What's a Friend for?
Where Do We Go from Here?
Just the Facts.
7. Making the Most of Your Dating Venue.
Bars/Clubs.
At First Sight.
Bar-wear.
Squirrel Hunting, Bar Style.
Dating in the Bar Context.
Classes, Lectures, and Workshops.
First Day at School.
Classroom Dress Code.
Star-Pupil Style.
A-plus Expectations.
Academic Encounters.
Go to the Head of the (Academic Dating) Class.
Spiritual Venues.
Entering the Community.
Appropriate Attire is a Must.
Expectations in the Faith Community.
Whom Can You Trust?
Single Parent Dating: Child Related Events.
First Contact Concerns.
Appearing Appealing.
Gold Star Expectations.
What Does a Date Mean Here?
Howdy, Neighbor.
Getting to Know You.
At Home Appearances.
Home-based Expectations.
Dating the Boy (or Girl) Next Door.
Special Interest Organizations.
Making an Effective Appearance.
Expectations and Issues.
Making Connections.
Taking Care of Business--Meeting People During Everyday Life.
Making the Most of Serendipity.
Special Event Encounters.
Moving to the Next Level.
Just the Facts.
IV. The Dating Process.
8. Getting Connected.
First Contact--Generating Interest.
Flirting--The Ancient Art.
Flirting Basics
What's Your Flirting Style?
The Power of Your Gaze.
The Approach.
The Conversation.
Unspoken Communication.
How to Speak Silently.
Suggesting Without Suggesting.
Volleying the Conversation.
Stealth Interviewing.
The Versatility of Flirting.
Taking the Next Step: Circulating.
Hooray for the Host(ess)!
Being in the Center.
Making a Connection.
The Conversation.
The Tennis Match: Volleying the Conversation.
Keeping Your Goals in Mind.
Phone Savvy.
Who Calls Who?
After Hello--Then What?
Telephone Topics.
If You Want to Go Further.
Establishing Your Priorities.
Just the Facts.
9. Oh My Gosh! It's a Date!
Appearances Count.
First Impressions--Visual Messages.
Your Fashion Sense (For Men, Too).
Putting Together Your Survival Kit.
Money/Credit Cards ID/Phone Card.
Condoms and the "OSB" kit.
Emergency Stuff: Makeup, Sewing Kit, etc.
Getting Clear on Who Has Control.
First Date--or Later Dates.
Who is This You're Dating?
Modern Dating Etiquette.
What Is Safe?
Setting Your Standards.
Keeping Your Cool.
Charming is as Charming Does.
Pay Attention! You Have Things to Learn Here.
Just the Facts.
10. Becoming Intimate.
Emotional Intimacy.
Sexual Intimacy.
Are You Ready?
Do You Know the Rules and Regs?
Have the Two of You Talked?
Taking Responsibility for Intimacy
Are You Equipped?
Modern sex and old-fashioned commitment.
Are You Looking for Commitment, or Just Fun?
What About Your Partner?
Don't be Another Notch in the Bedpost--Unless You Want to.
No Assumptions, Please.
Sexual performance.
What's Your Experience?
Your Partner's?
Are You Teaching or Learning?
Sex Is a Laughing Matter.
Potential Problems.
What to Expect After.
Beware of Obsessing.
Handling Euphoria.
Taking Care of Yourself.
Just Saying No.
It's OK to Wait.
If It's Not Mutual, Don't Do It.
If You Tried Dex, and It Didn't Work.
No Call, No Flowers Now What?
Handling Disappointment.
Let's Just be Friends.
Just the Facts.
11. If It Goes on from Here.
The Reasons for Dating.
Relationship Practice.
Information Gathering.
Keeping Perspective.
Keep Your Antennae Up.
Dating and Sex.
Signs on the Road to a Relationship.
Your Date's Just too Charming or Practiced.
Out of Control Behavior.
Beware the Possessive Control Freak.
Signals of an Abuser or User.
Money Issues.
Dating a Flake.
Heed Your Instincts.
Dishonesty.
The Trouble With Loners.
Rude Awakenings.
Sexuality Issues.
Signsposts to Successful Dating Experiences.
Looking Toward the Next Date.
Taking Stock of Your Dating Success.
Keep Your Insecurities at Bay.
Your Relationship Reservoir.
Just the Facts.
12. Officially Dating.
Merging Your Relationship With Your Real Life.
Emotional Growth and Intimacy.
Sharing Your Life Stories.
Drawing Your Partner Out.
Establishing Safety (and Commitment).
Your Relationship Reservoir, and How to Fill It.
Discussing Problems.
Celebrating Success.
Building Teamwork and a Partnership.
Coping With the "Waffle"
What is Happily Ever After?
Long Term Skills.
Sex for the Long Haul.
Real Life Issues to Work Out.
Breaking the News to Your Ex's.
Letting Your Other Dates Down Gently.
Telling Your Friends.
Telling the Children.
Informing the Family.
Making New Living Arrangements.
Coping With the Kids.
Establishing Relationships.
Family Communication.
Step-parent Families.
Divorced Parent Issues.
Grandparents and Others.
Financial Matters
Marriage--or Not?
Just the Facts.
V. Dating's Dilemmas.
13. And Baby Makes Three.
When You Are a Dating Parent.
When Your Date is a Parent.
You Both are Single Parents.
The Basics of the Dating Parent.
Safety and Sensibility Issues.
Who's Minding the Kids?
Being Clear About Priorities.
Children's Rights.
Giving Your Date His (or Her) Due.
Who Meets Who, and When.
Kids Shouldn't Have to Compete.
No Big Decisions Without Kids Say-so.
Rules for Everyone.
Ages and Stages.
Rules for the Kids.
Rules for Your Date.
Rules for Yourself.
Careful, Careful.
Sex is a Secret.
You Are a Parent First.
Just the Facts.
14. The Potential Downside of Dating.
Maximizing Your Safety.
Routine Precautions.
What to Do if the Worst Happens.
Date Rape.
Financial Rip-offs.
Cheating/Lying.
Stalking and Harrassment.
Emotional Blackmail.
Verbal, Emotional or Physical Abuse.
Suspicious?
Investigating the Truth.
Meet Friends, Family--Pay Attention.
Getting Help If You Need It.
Are You Oversuspicious for a Reason?
Coping With Excessive Suspicion.
When Your Worst Fears are Verified.
Reform is Rarely an Option.
If You Can't Get Out, Get Help--for Yourself.
Couple Problems.
Go for Help Early--While It's Easy to Solve.
Problems are Not Necessarily Tragedies.
What is Routine, What Requires Help?
Your Support Network.
Step-family Problems.
Breakups.
Getting Support.
Being Pro-active.
Breaking the News.
Telling Your Partner It's Over.
Grief.
Self-Recriminations.
How to Survive the Loss of a Love.
You Knew Better, But.
The Many Faces of Dating: From Fun to Happily Ever After.
Just the Facts.
A. Resources.
B. Recommended Reading List.
Index.
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