Life on Santa Claus Lane by Darrell Bain

From the Publisher

If you're suffering from post-Christmas blues from too much red-and-green, these e-books full of humorous stories will tickle you pink.

These two volumes of misadventures could only happen to people who actually live on Santa Claus Lane - and own a Christmas tree farm - in Texas. On Santa Claus Lane we meet Darrell, a lazy, mechanically inept Husband who loves his hard-working but sometimes naive spouse. These stories and anecdotes are funny enough to make Al Gore laugh.

No one could be as ten-thumbed and persistent as Darrell, or as long-suffering and tolerant as his wife Betty as they live through Darrell's various "enterprises" and escapades that only a Texas "good ol' boy" could get up to:

• George of the Chickens
• possum poachers
• Daddy Dog training
• an attack of killer kittens
• smuggling "drugs" from Mexico
• B&B guests who eat like ravenous warthogs
• the runaway Killer Tiller
• the great cockroach war
• manufacturing fifty pound mail order Christmas wreaths and too many more...

Under The Covers Reviews - Tracy Eastgate

"I have read a few humor books and have never laughed as much as I did with this one. Don't be fooled by thinking that this is just another guy trying to tell a funny story, this goes beyond that. The author definitely succeeds here. When you need a good laugh, chuckle or smile, grab this book, it will definitely provide one for you."

Kim's Reviews - Kim Genoa

..."Life On Santa Claus Lane" by Darrell Bain is Sensational. I've never laughed or smiled so much reviewing a story. Darrell's true adventures will remind you of some of your fondest memories growing up or time shared with loved ones. If you're looking to give the gift of laughter this holiday season, this is one book you can't pass up."

Writers Exchange - Sandy Cummins

"Darrell Bain has an excellent humor book called "Life On Santa Claus Lane"...I must warn people against it though, it can be embarrassing. I was editing it while in the waiting room at my Chiropractor's Office and got to a particularly funny part, and everyone was staring at me like I was insane! Apparently not only had I cracked up audibly, but I had tears streaming down my face!"

WordMuseum - Pamela Johnson

Warm, witty and delightful! Like sitting around the kitchen table swapping stories with family. Darrell Bain has all the makings of an old-time storyteller. Seeing the absolute twisted humor in everyday life on the farm. His wife, Betty, must be a saint! This follows Darrell Bain's first published novel, Tales From A Texas Christmas Tree Farm. Few books have the ability to attach themselves so easily to your heart as those that tell of "real-life" views on the everyday. And when you add a touch of whimsy, a retired "mechanically challenged" husband and a computer, the result can be no less than a hilarious compilation of stories where nothing escapes the fated fickle finger of humor!

Kim's Reviews - Kim Gaona

Life On Santa Claus Lane by Darrell Bain is Sensational. I've never laughed or smiled so much reviewing a story. Darrell's true adventures will remind you of some of your fondest memories growing up or time shared with loved ones. If you're looking to give the gift of laughter this holiday season, this is one book you can't pass up.

Under The Covers Reviews - Tracy Eastgate

Absolutely delightful. The author has written about some of his and his wife Betty's misadventures, experiences and life in general at their Christmas Tree Farm in east Texas. And yes, they really do live on Santa Claus Lane according to the post office....When you need a good laugh, chuckle or smile, grab this book, it will definitely provide one for you.

Product Details

• Read an Excerpt

Read an Excerpt

"Of course I remember," I said. In fact, "I can remember the first night when we moved into this place. We christened the sofa because the bed wasn't put together yet."That was the wrong thing to say. "You're not going to write about our sex life are you?"I grinned to myself, remembering a funny episode. "There's nothing wrong with our sex life," I said."There will be if you start writing about it," Betty responded. "Besides, it wasn't a sofa, it was a lounge chair out in the garage. Our furniture hadn't even gotten here yet. And the mosquitoes were terrible."I don't remember any mosquitoes."That's because you were drunk and they wouldn't bite you." That's a canard. I hadn't had more than a dozen or two beers the entire day and all of them were well deserved. After all, we were taking a momentous step then, moving from a townhouse in the city to a farmhouse in the country."Can I write about that?" I asked.

"You can write about anything so long as it's truthful and it's not about sex," my wonderful wife informed me. So right then I made a vow: I will not write about our sex life. And I will at all times be truthful. I wrote both vows down right then and looked over my shoulder at my spouse. She raised a cynical eyebrow, tousled my thinning hair and walked over and sat down at the sewing machine, crossing her shapely legs. I shifted my gaze before I got carried away and started writing about sex.

"Warm, witty and delightful! Like sitting around the kitchen table swapping stories with family. Darrell Bain has all the makings of an old-time storyteller. Seeing the absolute twisted humor in everyday life on the farm. His wife, Betty, must be a saint! This follows Darrell Bain's first published novel, "Tales From A Texas Christmas Tree Farm."

"Few books have the ability to attach themselves so easily to your heart as those that tell of "real-life" views on the everyday. And when you add a touch of whimsy, a retired "mechanically challenged" husband and a computer, the result can be no less than a hilarious compilation of stories where nothing escapes the fated fickle finger of humor! "A gracious host, Bain beckons us to come visit their Christmas Tree farm, on a real road called "Santa Claus Lane." He walks us through short stories such as the simple errand of picking up single fold white bias tape along with a loaf of bread. (Seems simple enough, doesn't it?) With absolute certainty he leaves the house on his quest, repeating the mantra..."Bread and single fold white bias tape in the notions department. Bread and single hole white bias tape Bread in the lotion department. Bread and winged whole bright bias grapes in the potion department". ...well, you get the idea. He returns home sans bias tape and bread much to the disappointment of his dear wife Betty, who claims you should never send a man to do a woman's work. Bain is still trying to figure out that statement, as well as why the store didn't carry those darn "duct taped skates. "

"Bain spends his days observing and writing about everything from furniture moving..."if it weren't for men, couches would never have been invented and then where would women be when they wanted to rearrange living room furniture, " to stories of the killer tiller and learning to wear sweat-suits.

"And he shares them all with us in a wonderful collection of lighthearted short stories sure to warm even the coldest heart. Many times, humor is the best medicine for the aches and pains that life can produce. My advice would be a large dose of Bain's book, a cup of coffee and a great footstool. A perfect winter read!!" Pamela Johnson - WordMuseum, Reviewer