false
Celebrities Are Ruining Our Country...and Other Reasons Why We're All in Trouble: Dispatches from the FOX News.com Grrr! Column by Mike Straka
BUY IT NEW
- Limited Time Offer! Everyone receives the Member Price on books.
See Details - This item is currently out of stock.
- Add To List uiAction=GetAllLists&page=List&pageType=list&ean=9780312361549&productCode=BK&maxCount=100&threshold=3
Product Details
- Pub. Date: February 2007
- Publisher: St. Martin's Press
- Format: Hardcover, 256pp
- ISBN-13: 9780312361549
- ISBN: 0312361548
Synopsis
What makes you go Grrr?..
Is it the celebrity who is under the delusion that you actually care about how he or she wants you to vote, when all you really care about from the Hollywood set is how well they entertain you?Is it that Paris Hilton is dressing your daughters, Tom Cruise is having kids out of wedlock, and Terrell Owens is putting the 'I' in team?
From celebrities who forget that they're not policymakers to the politicians who forget they're not celebrities, from the office morons spouting off the latest poltitical rant to the idiots who screech endlessly into their cellphones, FoxNews.com Grrr! columnist Mike Straka is the voice of reason for millions of rabid readers who are sick and tired of the celebrity-obsessed world in which we live today.
Biography
Mike Straka is the vice president of operations and executive producer for FOXNews.com, but he is best known as the author of the wildly popular online column Grrr! for FOXNews. He also hosts The Real Deal, an irreverent webcast dealing with entertainment and popular culture. He lives in New Jersey with his wife, daughter, two cats, and a dog.
From the Publisher
What makes you go Grrr?..
Is it the celebrity who is under the delusion that you actually care about how he or she wants you to vote, when all you really care about from the Hollywood set is how well they entertain you?Is it that Paris Hilton is dressing your daughters, Tom Cruise is having kids out of wedlock, and Terrell Owens is putting the 'I' in team?
From celebrities who forget that they're not policymakers to the politicians who forget they're not celebrities, from the office morons spouting off the latest poltitical rant to the idiots who screech endlessly into their cellphones, FoxNews.com Grrr! columnist Mike Straka is the voice of reason for millions of rabid readers who are sick and tired of the celebrity-obsessed world in which we live today.
Product Details
- Pub. Date: February 2007
- Publisher: St. Martin's Press
- Format: Hardcover, 256pp
- ISBN-13: 9780312361549
- ISBN: 0312361548
Read an Excerpt
Chapter One Remember The Arsenio Hall Show? I know it seems like a lifetime since Hall even had a career in front of the camera, but it wasn’t too long ago when millions of television viewers tuned in every night to the comedian’s fledgling late-night show, which quickly became a major player in the genre. As with most success stories, Arsenio’s ego got the better of him, and pretty soon the words “Arsenioooooooooooooo Hall” became a distant memory. But one of Arsenio’s segments will stand the test of time, even if its creator did not. It was the “Things That Make Me Go Hmmmm” segment. In it, Hall posed rhetorical questions and put his finger on his chin while saying, “Hmmmmm.” “You ever wonder why express checkout lanes always take the longest to ring up your groceries? Hmmmmm.” The audience always got a kick out of that and so did I, watching TV in my college dorm room in New Brunswick, New Jersey. When I started writing a column online I concentrated on entertainment commentary. Having worked as an actor and being an entertainment reporter, I figured my interest in and exposure to the industry, its stars, and its power players, and with a better-than-average understanding of how that business works, made me qualified to pontificate on Hollywood, TV news, and pop culture. But I always wanted to pay homage to Arsenio and do a list of things that make me go “Hmmm.” However, while constantly thinking about clever “hmmmisms,” I discovered that more things actually made me go “Grrr!”—so I switched gears and made up my own list. The list struck a chord with readers, and today it gets an average of 230,000 page views every week, and generates anywhere between 500 and 2,000 weekly e-mails, depending on the topic. The column’s popularity also afforded me the opportunity to spin off into a Web-based video series, called The Real Deal, which has tallied millions of downloads since its inception. The column even spawned the Grrr! Lexicon, a list of made-up terms that are really nothing more than family-friendly insults to our fellow, eh-hem, man, and terms like Oblivion and Left Lane Vigilantes have made it into some folks’ daily vocabularies. Celebrities have been frequent targets of the Grrr, but I never set out to be a celebrity basher, and even though several are named in the following pages, I don’t enter into Grrring celebrities with malice. The simple, oftentimes sad truth is celebrities are bigger Oblivions than even the most Grrring everyday morons we encounter, and that’s mostly because celebrities are always surrounded by people willing to cater to their every whim. After a while they begin to expect special treatment and favors wherever they go. I define an Oblivion as a person who is rude without even knowing he’s being rude because he’s simply too oblivious to his surroundings. He’s got tunnel vision and only cares about his own needs. Not every oblivion is a celebrity, but every celebrity is an Oblivion. Did you know that a lot of celebrities have several children out of wedlock with multiple partners? Of course you do, but we don’t hear too much grumbling about it. Why is that? Because celebrities, including athletes, usually have enough money to financially support multiple “families,” however, does that make it right? Is that enough? Fast forward eighteen years later and you may wonder how so-and-so’s daughter, whom you never heard of before is posing for Playboy and crying about how she was neglected by her famous parent for so many years. Yet in the world of celebrity worship we live in, nobody really cares about how Joe Football Player or Jane Actress is destroying his or her own flesh and blood. All we care about is that they stay beautiful and keep us entertained. So what if they’re contributing to the general malaise of our society. That’s more forgivable than growing old and getting fat! Of course, the unconditional love received by celebs is never enough, so they need more attention. Put a camera in front of them, and they know whom you should vote for and what issues should be important to you. I’ll never forget watching an entertainment reporter tell viewers during the 2004 presidential election how Leonardo DiCaprio “wrote his own speech” when he was stumping for John Kerry. Well, I hadn’t planned on voting for Kerry, but since DiCaprio wrote his own speech, well then, by all means. I mean, the guy wrote his own speech! It’s laughable, but the sad fact is so many zombies blindly follow the lead of these celebrities. Most celebrities are so full of themselves that even the richest and most successful of them aren’t content with their kingdoms on the big screen—they have to do commercials, too, taking work away from the rank-and-file Screen Actor’s Guild actor who barely makes enough to qualify for union health insurance. Catherine Zeta-Jones married into Hollywood royalty when she became Michael Douglas’s wife, and even if she weren’t an Oscar-winning actress (Chicago) in her own right, she’d never have to work another day in her life if she so chose. But no, she has to shill for T-Mobile in television commercials. Come on, Catherine Zeta-Jones. Commercials are beneath you! Other actors appear in commercials overseas. But for celebrities, it’s never enough. It’s always “me, me, me.” Lindsay Lohan complains about the paparazzi but shows up in places where she knows damn well there will be photographers. Michael Moore sat next to former president Jimmy Carter at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. And the Democrats wonder why America rejected their candidate! Even if you agree with what Moore says, you probably don’t agree with how he says it, even as he’s collecting millions from the liberal zombies on the far left that he panders to. Ann Coulter is just as bad. In her 2006 book Godless, she takes issue with a group of 9/11 widows who she says are using their celebrity to further a political agenda. Coulter’s point is that these women are untouchable due to their “widow” status. That’s all well and good, until she gets personal. Calling them “harpies” who look like they’re enjoying their husbands’ deaths, she goes on to say: “And by the way, how do we know their husbands weren’t planning to divorce these harpies? Now that their shelf life is dwindling, they’d better hurry up and appear in Playboy.” Now that’s just plain mean, isn’t it? I think the biggest insult one could give Coulter is that she’s now just like Michael Moore. But celebrities and pundits aren’t the only reason why we’re all in trouble. TV news anchors and sports broadcasters are doing their share for the Oblivion cause, and of course athletes and their “look at me” attitude is enough to ruin even the most juvenile games on the planet. And these sports stars are also paid millions of dollars and it still isn’t enough. They need steroids or endorsements that pay them big bucks, and yet some of our highest paid athletes refuse to sign autographs for fans for fear the fan might make forty bucks on eBay. Give me a break. Donald Trump isn’t content with being a billionaire real estate developer, he also has to write books and do reality television. Kozlowski, Skilling, and Lay at Enron and Tyco weren’t satisfied with making huge salaries and getting all the requisite perks that come with being the CEO, they had to go and steal from their companies, and bankrupt their employees in the process. Newspapers and some news organizations have become so blatant with their political agenda that some of the industry’s mighty have fallen (see Dan Rather). Billy Joel isn’t happy with being one of the greatest singer/songwriters in the country, so he feels the need to write a children’s book. Ditto Jason Alexander, Jane Seymour, and Madonna. Madonna? Yeah, even the French-kissing exhibitionist has a children’s book out there. Give me a break. Publishers should be ashamed of themselves. I’d take James Frey’s “memoir” over Madonna’s children’s book any day of the week. Despite all of the lies and exaggerations in Frey’s A Million Little Pieces, it’s got to be more honest than any children’s book by Madonna. And speaking of authors, I rolled my eyes along with millions of other baseball fans when the big dunce Jose Canseco wrote a book in which he said the majority of Major League Baseball’s stars are on steroids. Little did we know that he was telling the truth. But on the flip side, if Pete Rose thinks coming clean about gambling in his autobiography should guarantee his acceptance back into baseball and into the Hall of Fame he’s sorely mistaken. How convenient for this clown to finally admit to breaking a league rule when he had a book to sell. From Martha Stewart to Kobe Bryant to the cell phone screamer to the moron who tries to board the elevator before you get off, Oblivions are taking over our great nation. And the fact is, they don’t even know it. It’s up to us non-Oblivions to call them out on their abhorrent behavior. Our nation’s sanity relies on it. So without further ado, here is Grrr! Celebrities Are Ruining Our Country . . . And Other Reasons Why We’re All in Trouble. Please read it, enjoy it, and pass it on—but most of all, Keep On Grrring! 1 An Open Letter to the Oblivion Council TO: THE OBLIVION COUNCIL FROM: ASPIRING OBLIVION To Whom It May Concern: I am writing the council in the hopes of obtaining my Oblivion pin. For years now I have played by society’s written and unwritten rules. I limited my groceries to only ten items in the express checkout lane, and I even returned my cart to the cart corral in the parking lots of grocery stores everywhere. But I noticed something missing in my life. I noticed that there are Oblivions in the world who count forty cans of dog food as one item and still get through the express checkout lane. I noticed these Oblivions leaving their shopping carts wherever they please, allowing them to roll into the automobiles of hard-working Americans. And I said to myself, “Self, wouldn’t that be a great way to live? Wouldn’t it be great to be so oblivious to everybody in the world that I only had to worry about myself?” I could wave my arms indiscriminately with a lit cigarette in my hand, oblivious to the people around me and their petty little arm burns. I can smoke my cigarette or my cigar in a crowded restaurant with complete abandon. I could walk from blackjack table to blackjack table at Las Vegas casinos playing one hand at each. Heck, I can even split tens if I feel so inclined. It’s my money, after all. I could scream at my kid’s soccer coach and the referees if my kid’s not playing well, blame their teachers if they have bad grades, and point the finger at MTV when my daughter gets pregnant. It all sounds like too much fun to pass up. That’s why I’m applying for my Oblivion pin. With it comes advantage. I won’t leave home without it. I now know that handicap parking and the fire lanes are spots reserved just for me. I understand that the lines at Starbucks or the Post Office are for poor schmucks who think that being kind to neighbors will actually get them ahead in life. What a bunch of baloney. You know, I like to stop short in the middle of busy sidewalks to use my cell phone. I like to speak loudly into my cell phone no matter where I am, and when I’m bored I like to call my friends, no matter what time of the day or night it is. And I love to change my ring tones frequently, especially during times when there is enough peace and quiet around me so I can really concentrate on choosing the right melody. I noticed an Oblivion the other day who stepped in front of a long line at the Barnes and Noble bookstore just to “ask a quick question.” She wanted to know if the book that she put on hold was behind the counter. The clerk stopped what he was doing to search for the book. He asked the Oblivion under what name the book was held. The Oblivion gave her name, but alas, there was no book. “Oh wait,” the Oblivion said. “I put it under my maiden name. See, I signed up on the Web site before I got married, so I always use my maiden name when I deal with Barnes and Noble. Could you check under Dumbich?” Sure enough, the clerk found the book under Dumbich. He handed it over the counter. That’s when Ms. Dumbich, the Oblivion, uttered words that convinced me once and for all to apply for membership as an Oblivion. “Well, since I’m up here,” she said, “can you ring me up?” And he did. And aside from a few audible sighs on the line, nobody said a word. Out of the fifteen or so people whom she rudely cut in front of, not one said a single word in protest! Ms. Dumbich was obviously sporting her pin. Therefore, I humbly and with full conviction would like to apply for my Oblivion pin. I promise to wear it with neglect and never even acknowledge the existence of any higher authority other than myself. I promise to behave like I wear blinders, and I promise to see only what is directly in front of me and only what applies to me. I will not let the Oblivion Council down. Thank you for your consideration. Sincerely, I.M. Oblivious Oblivion-in-Training Copyright © 2007 by Mike Straka. All rights reserved.Read a Sample Chapter
Grrr! Celebrities Are Ruining Our Country ... and Other Reasons Why We're All in Trouble
By Mike Straka
St. Martin's Press
Copyright © 2007 Mike StrakaAll right reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-312-36154-9
Chapter One
Remember The Arsenio Hall Show?
I know it seems like a lifetime since Hall even had a career in front of the camera, but it wasn't too long ago when millions of television viewers tuned in every night to the comedian's fledgling late-night show, which quickly became a major player in the genre.
As with most success stories, Arsenio's ego got the better of him, and pretty soon the words "Arsenioooooooooooooo Hall" became a distant memory.
But one of Arsenio's segments will stand the test of time, even if its creator did not.
It was the "Things That Make Me Go Hmmmm" segment. In it, Hall posed rhetorical questions and put his finger on his chin while saying, "Hmmmmm."
"You ever wonder why express checkout lanes always take the longest to ring up your groceries? Hmmmmm."
The audience always got a kick out of that and so did I, watching TV in my college dorm room in New Brunswick, New Jersey.
When I started writing a column online I concentrated on entertainment commentary. Having worked as an actor and being an entertainment reporter, I figured my interest in and exposure to the industry, its stars, and its power players, and with a better-than-average understanding of how that business works, made me qualified to pontificate on Hollywood, TV news, and pop culture.
But I always wanted to pay homage to Arsenio and do a list of things that make me go "Hmmm." However, while constantly thinking about clever "hmmmisms," I discovered that more things actually made me go "Grrr!"-so I switched gears and made up my own list.
The list struck a chord with readers, and today it gets an average of 230,000 page views every week, and generates anywhere between 500 and 2,000 weekly e-mails, depending on the topic. The column's popularity also afforded me the opportunity to spin off into a Web-based video series, called The Real Deal, which has tallied millions of downloads since its inception.
The column even spawned the Grrr! Lexicon, a list of made-up terms that are really nothing more than family-friendly insults to our fellow, eh-hem, man, and terms like Oblivion and Left Lane Vigilantes have made it into some folks' daily vocabularies.
Celebrities have been frequent targets of the Grrr, but I never set out to be a celebrity basher, and even though several are named in the following pages, I don't enter into Grrring celebrities with malice.
The simple, oftentimes sad truth is celebrities are bigger Oblivions than even the most Grrring everyday morons we encounter, and that's mostly because celebrities are always surrounded by people willing to cater to their every whim. After a while they begin to expect special treatment and favors wherever they go.
I define an Oblivion as a person who is rude without even knowing he's being rude because he's simply too oblivious to his surroundings. He's got tunnel vision and only cares about his own needs.
Not every oblivion is a celebrity, but every celebrity is an Oblivion.
Did you know that a lot of celebrities have several children out of wedlock with multiple partners? Of course you do, but we don't hear too much grumbling about it.
Why is that?
Because celebrities, including athletes, usually have enough money to financially support multiple "families," however, does that make it right? Is that enough?
Fast forward eighteen years later and you may wonder how so-and-so's daughter, whom you never heard of before is posing for Playboy and crying about how she was neglected by her famous parent for so many years.
Yet in the world of celebrity worship we live in, nobody really cares about how Joe Football Player or Jane Actress is destroying his or her own flesh and blood. All we care about is that they stay beautiful and keep us entertained.
So what if they're contributing to the general malaise of our society. That's more forgivable than growing old and getting fat!
Of course, the unconditional love received by celebs is never enough, so they need more attention. Put a camera in front of them, and they know whom you should vote for and what issues should be important to you.
I'll never forget watching an entertainment reporter tell viewers during the 2004 presidential election how Leonardo DiCaprio "wrote his own speech" when he was stumping for John Kerry.
Well, I hadn't planned on voting for Kerry, but since DiCaprio wrote his own speech, well then, by all means. I mean, the guy wrote his own speech!
It's laughable, but the sad fact is so many zombies blindly follow the lead of these celebrities.
Most celebrities are so full of themselves that even the richest and most successful of them aren't content with their kingdoms on the big screen-they have to do commercials, too, taking work away from the rank-and-file Screen Actor's Guild actor who barely makes enough to qualify for union health insurance.
Catherine Zeta-Jones married into Hollywood royalty when she became Michael Douglas's wife, and even if she weren't an Oscar-winning actress (Chicago) in her own right, she'd never have to work another day in her life if she so chose.
But no, she has to shill for T-Mobile in television commercials. Come on, Catherine Zeta-Jones. Commercials are beneath you! Other actors appear in commercials overseas.
But for celebrities, it's never enough. It's always "me, me, me." Lindsay Lohan complains about the paparazzi but shows up in places where she knows damn well there will be photographers.
Michael Moore sat next to former president Jimmy Carter at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. And the Democrats wonder why America rejected their candidate!
Even if you agree with what Moore says, you probably don't agree with how he says it, even as he's collecting millions from the liberal zombies on the far left that he panders to.
Ann Coulter is just as bad.
In her 2006 book Godless, she takes issue with a group of 9/11 widows who she says are using their celebrity to further a political agenda. Coulter's point is that these women are untouchable due to their "widow" status.
That's all well and good, until she gets personal.
Calling them "harpies" who look like they're enjoying their husbands' deaths, she goes on to say: "And by the way, how do we know their husbands weren't planning to divorce these harpies? Now that their shelf life is dwindling, they'd better hurry up and appear in Playboy."
Now that's just plain mean, isn't it? I think the biggest insult one could give Coulter is that she's now just like Michael Moore.
But celebrities and pundits aren't the only reason why we're all in trouble.
TV news anchors and sports broadcasters are doing their share for the Oblivion cause, and of course athletes and their "look at me" attitude is enough to ruin even the most juvenile games on the planet.
And these sports stars are also paid millions of dollars and it still isn't enough.
They need steroids or endorsements that pay them big bucks, and yet some of our highest paid athletes refuse to sign autographs for fans for fear the fan might make forty bucks on eBay. Give me a break.
Donald Trump isn't content with being a billionaire real estate developer, he also has to write books and do reality television. Kozlowski, Skilling, and Lay at Enron and Tyco weren't satisfied with making huge salaries and getting all the requisite perks that come with being the CEO, they had to go and steal from their companies, and bankrupt their employees in the process.
Newspapers and some news organizations have become so blatant with their political agenda that some of the industry's mighty have fallen (see Dan Rather).
Billy Joel isn't happy with being one of the greatest singer/songwriters in the country, so he feels the need to write a children's book. Ditto Jason Alexander, Jane Seymour, and Madonna. Madonna? Yeah, even the French-kissing exhibitionist has a children's book out there.
Give me a break. Publishers should be ashamed of themselves. I'd take James Frey's "memoir" over Madonna's children's book any day of the week. Despite all of the lies and exaggerations in Frey's A Million Little Pieces, it's got to be more honest than any children's book by Madonna.
And speaking of authors, I rolled my eyes along with millions of other baseball fans when the big dunce Jose Canseco wrote a book in which he said the majority of Major League Baseball's stars are on steroids. Little did we know that he was telling the truth.
But on the flip side, if Pete Rose thinks coming clean about gambling in his autobiography should guarantee his acceptance back into baseball and into the Hall of Fame he's sorely mistaken. How convenient for this clown to finally admit to breaking a league rule when he had a book to sell.
From Martha Stewart to Kobe Bryant to the cell phone screamer to the moron who tries to board the elevator before you get off, Oblivions are taking over our great nation. And the fact is, they don't even know it. It's up to us non-Oblivions to call them out on their abhorrent behavior.
Our nation's sanity relies on it.
So without further ado, here is Grrr! Celebrities Are Ruining Our Country ... And Other Reasons Why We're All in Trouble.
Please read it, enjoy it, and pass it on-but most of all, Keep On Grrring!
1
An Open Letter to the Oblivion Council
TO: THE OBLIVION COUNCIL
FROM: ASPIRING OBLIVION
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing the council in the hopes of obtaining my Oblivion pin.
For years now I have played by society's written and unwritten rules. I limited my groceries to only ten items in the express checkout lane, and I even returned my cart to the cart corral in the parking lots of grocery stores everywhere.
But I noticed something missing in my life.
I noticed that there are Oblivions in the world who count forty cans of dog food as one item and still get through the express checkout lane. I noticed these Oblivions leaving their shopping carts wherever they please, allowing them to roll into the automobiles of hard-working Americans.
And I said to myself, "Self, wouldn't that be a great way to live? Wouldn't it be great to be so oblivious to everybody in the world that I only had to worry about myself?"
I could wave my arms indiscriminately with a lit cigarette in my hand, oblivious to the people around me and their petty little arm burns. I can smoke my cigarette or my cigar in a crowded restaurant with complete abandon.
I could walk from blackjack table to blackjack table at Las Vegas casinos playing one hand at each. Heck, I can even split tens if I feel so inclined. It's my money, after all.
I could scream at my kid's soccer coach and the referees if my kid's not playing well, blame their teachers if they have bad grades, and point the finger at MTV when my daughter gets pregnant.
It all sounds like too much fun to pass up.
That's why I'm applying for my Oblivion pin. With it comes advantage. I won't leave home without it.
I now know that handicap parking and the fire lanes are spots reserved just for me. I understand that the lines at Starbucks or the Post Office are for poor schmucks who think that being kind to neighbors will actually get them ahead in life.
What a bunch of baloney.
You know, I like to stop short in the middle of busy sidewalks to use my cell phone. I like to speak loudly into my cell phone no matter where I am, and when I'm bored I like to call my friends, no matter what time of the day or night it is. And I love to change my ring tones frequently, especially during times when there is enough peace and quiet around me so I can really concentrate on choosing the right melody.
I noticed an Oblivion the other day who stepped in front of a long line at the Barnes and Noble bookstore just to "ask a quick question." She wanted to know if the book that she put on hold was behind the counter.
The clerk stopped what he was doing to search for the book. He asked the Oblivion under what name the book was held. The Oblivion gave her name, but alas, there was no book. "Oh wait," the Oblivion said. "I put it under my maiden name. See, I signed up on the Web site before I got married, so I always use my maiden name when I deal with Barnes and Noble. Could you check under Dumbich?"
Sure enough, the clerk found the book under Dumbich. He handed it over the counter.
That's when Ms. Dumbich, the Oblivion, uttered words that convinced me once and for all to apply for membership as an Oblivion.
"Well, since I'm up here," she said, "can you ring me up?"
And he did. And aside from a few audible sighs on the line, nobody said a word. Out of the fifteen or so people whom she rudely cut in front of, not one said a single word in protest!
Ms. Dumbich was obviously sporting her pin.
Therefore, I humbly and with full conviction would like to apply for my Oblivion pin.
I promise to wear it with neglect and never even acknowledge the existence of any higher authority other than myself. I promise to behave like I wear blinders, and I promise to see only what is directly in front of me and only what applies to me.
I will not let the Oblivion Council down. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely, I.M. Oblivious
Oblivion-in-Training
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Grrr! Celebrities Are Ruining Our Country ... and Other Reasons Why We're All in Trouble by Mike Straka Copyright © 2007 by Mike Straka. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
loading...
Related EssentiaListsuiAction=GetRelatedListsByEanFromProductPage&page=List&pageType=list&ean=9780312361549&productCode=BK&maxCount=5&threshold=10
loading...
Fans of this BookuiAction=GetProfileBlurbsWithEANinFavorites&page=UserProfile&pageType=profile&eanInput=9780312361549
loading...