From the Publisher

Gay. Straight. Or lying. It's as simple and straightforward as black or white, right? Or is there a gray area, where the definitions of sex and gender become blurred or entirely refocused with the deft and practiced use of a surgeon's knife? For some, the concept of gender -- the very idea we have of ourselves as either male or female beings -- is neither simple nor straightforward.

Written by cutting-edge researcher and sex expert J. Michael Bailey, The Man Who Would Be Queen is a frankly controversial, intensely poignant, and boldly forthright book about sex and gender. Based on original research, Bailey's book is grounded firmly in science. But as he demonstrates, science doesn't always deliver predictable or even comfortable answers. Indeed, much of what he has to say will be sure to generate as many questions as it does answers.

Are gay men genuinely more feminine than other men? And do they really prefer to be hairdressers rather than lumberjacks? Are all male transsexuals women trapped in men's bodies -- or are some of them men who are just plain turned on by the idea of becoming a woman? And how much of a role do biology and genetics play in sexual orientation?

While Bailey's science is provocative, it is the portraits of the boys and men who struggle with these questions -- and often with anger, fear, and hurt feelings -- that will move you. Their stories make it clear that there are men -- and men who become women -- who want only to understand themselves and the society that makes them feel like outsiders. That there are parents, friends, and families that seek answers to confusing and complicated questions. And that there are researchers who hope one day to grasp the very nature of human sexuality.

The Washington Post

To be sure, there is interesting information in this book, which drifts back and forth between discussions of male homosexuality in general and discussions of femininity in men, which is not always the same thing. One of Bailey's most interesting observations is that many gay men themselves dislike femininity; he led a group of students who studied classified ads and found that gay men sought masculine partners far more often ("no femmes," the ads often say, along with things like "no fatties"). Similarly, the ad-placers tended to describe themselves as masculine. To me, this was telling and disturbing: Could it be that even gay men have absorbed a sexist, macho ethos? Or is this some sort of culturally imposed self-loathing? Bailey doesn't spend much time on the cultural influences, however, because he is an essentialist in these matters: He believes that both gayness and feminine behavior are biologically derived. — Liza Mundy

Publishers Weekly

An associate professor of psychology at Northwestern University, Bailey writes with assuredness that often makes difficult, abstract material-the relationship between sexual orientation and gender affect, the origins of homosexuality and the theoretical basis of how we discuss sexuality-comprehensible. He also, especially in his portraits of the women and men he writes about, displays a deep empathy that is frequently missing from scientific studies of sexuality. But Bailey's scope is so broad that when he gets down to pivotal constructs, as in detailing the data of scientific studies such as Richard Green's about "feminine boys" or Dean Hamer's work on the so-called "gay gene," the material is vague, and not cohesive. Bailey tends towards overreaching, unsupported generalizations, such his claim that "regardless of marital laws there will always be fewer gay men who are romantically attached" or that the African-American community is "a relatively anti-gay ethnic minority." Add to this the debatable supposition that innate "masculine" and "feminine" traits, in the most general sense of the words, decidedly exist, and his account as a whole loses force. (Mar.) Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

Library Journal

Bailey (psychology, Northwestern Univ.) presents himself as a psychologist firmly in the center of discussions surrounding transsexualism in males. He begins by contrasting a therapist who advocates striking a four-year-old boy for "engaging in feminine behavior" (putting clothes on his stuffed animals) with the "anti-Gender Identity Disorder folks" (Bailey's term) who say that society is sick for being intolerant of unmasculine boys. Using chatty, lay readers' terms and anecdotes from his own personal life and research, Bailey dispassionately presents the two extremes but fails to ask the deeper questions, e.g., if "masculine" and "feminine" traits and identities are so natural, why must masculinity in particular be intensely policed and enforced? He takes as a given that homosexuality has a biological root and describes transsexualism as a "developmental disorder." Subsequent chapters present discussions and case studies of male-to-female transsexuals, making this book an adequate starting point for discussions on gender; for more radical views, readers are encouraged to read works by Pat Califia and Kate Bornstein. Recommended for comprehensive collections in sexuality, psychology, and social science.-Ina Rimpau, Newark P.L. Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

Kirkus Reviews

A researcher into the genetics of homosexuality presents fascinating revelations about feminine boys, gay men, and transsexuals, combining the most recent scholarship on sexual behaviors and preferences with up-close and personal profiles. Bailey (Psychology/Northwestern Univ.) makes some controversial findings in his exploration of stereotypes about femininity and homosexuality. Among the traits he has studied are speech and body language, interest in casual sex, and the importance placed on youth and physical attractiveness in a partner. In a personable and straightforward manner, he describes his research techniques and reproduces the questionnaires given to his subjects. He concludes that gay men have a mixture of male-typical and female-typical characteristics, suggesting that the reason may very well be that their brains are mosaics of male and female parts. Feminine boys, he further asserts, usually do grow up to become gay men, and a small minority of them even become transsexuals. The first section opens with a sympathetic profile of a boy whose mother came to Bailey with questions about raising her very feminine son that lead smoothly into a discussion of the research that has been done on such boys. Next, Bailey focuses on the scientific research on gay men; cross-cultural studies and accounts of homosexual practices in ancient Greece and renaissance Florence are particularly eye-opening. As yet unanswered, Bailey notes, are questions about the existence of homosexual genes and the reason for the persistence of homosexuality in human evolution. Finally, the author explores transsexualism, defined simply as "the desire to become a member of the opposite sex." Nonjudgmentalprofiles illustrate what Bailey distinguishes as the two basic types of male transsexuals: extremely feminine gay men, and autogynephiles, "men erotically obsessed with the image of themselves as a woman." The concluding chapter details the process and costs of medical transitioning from male to female. Despite its provocative title, a scientific yet superbly compassionate exposition. Author tour

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Table of Contents

Read a Sample Chapter

The Man Who Would Be Queen

Joseph Henry Press

Chapter One

It started with the shoes. After Danny
Ryan became a proficient walker,
not much more than a year old, he
ventured into his mom's closet. He came out with a pair of strappy
heels and struggled to put them on. Bemused, she helped him, and
when he stood up in them, grasping her hand, he bounced with joy.
This became something of a preoccupation for Danny. Often when he
came into the bedroom, he went right for the closet. When it was
closed, he pressed up against the door and whined. When she indulged
him, he would pick out a pair of shoes, preferring the more feminine
styles. One day, Danny came into the room with a sheet over his head
and ran straight for the closet. He seemed more eager than usual to try
on her shoes, and when he stood up in them and spread his arms, she
was startled to realize, at last, the meaning of the sheet. It represented a
dress. Danny was trying to dress like a girl.

Although Leslie Ryan felt intellectually satisfied with that simple
explanation of Danny's behavior, she began to feel uneasy too. When
she contemplated the reasons for her concern, she realized guiltily
that she was falling prey to the same attitudes held by the bullies she
loathed in junior high. It is surely common and harmless for children
to explore the clothes and activities that society had assigned to the
other sex. Why shouldn't they? Still, she found herself hesitating when
Danny asked for help putting on her shoes. She encouraged alternative
activities, such as reading or assembling puzzles or playing with
the toys he was given. This tactic worked for a while, but invariably, he
returned to the closet. She decided that she would neither encourage
nor discourage his cross-dressing, as she had begun to call it.

However, when Danny's father, Patrick, first saw Danny in high
heels clutching a purse, he did not share Leslie's tolerant attitude. He
raised his voice: "Danny, get out of those shoes!" Danny liked neither
his father's tone nor his message and, after a moment of stunned silence,
began to cry. Leslie shot her husband a scathing glance and immediately
picked Danny up to soothe him. Later, Danny's parents had a
heated discussion. Danny's father said that it made him feel "creepy" to
see Danny dressed as a female and thought that allowing him to do so
set the wrong example. Patrick believed that parents are an important
influence on whether a child becomes homosexual or heterosexual,
and he wanted a heterosexual son. Leslie insisted that trying on female
clothing at age 18 months could not make Danny a gay man, that
children like to pretend to be lots of things, and that Patrick should
just relax. She dared not tell him how often Danny was cross-dressing.
Patrick's consulting job kept him on the road nearly five days a week,
and when he was home, he was not the most attentive father. Leslie
hoped that Danny's fascination with women's clothes would pass
before his father had a chance to see it again. And for a while this
seemed possible.

By age two, Danny had begun to follow his mother everywhere as
she went about her daily routine, from cooking in the kitchen to
dusting the living room, to talking on the phone to peeing in the
bathroom. When she tried to get some time alone by turning on one
of Danny's favorite videos (The Little Mermaid was his absolute favorite),
Danny insisted that she watch with him. When other adults were
around, Danny was particularly clingy. Once a friend brought over her
rambunctious three-year-old son, and Danny was terrified of him.
When the two boys were left alone together, Danny began calling
"Mommy! Mommy!," ran to her, and buried his head between her
legs. His mother did not remember Danny's older sister, Mary (now
six and in school), being so afraid of being separated from her.

When Danny was about two and a half, he discovered his sister's
room, with its dolls, dress-up clothes, pretend make-up kits, and especially,
the tutu that she had long outgrown and that was only a bit too
large on him. Mary rapidly lost patience with Danny's intrusions into
her room and his fascination with her feminine things. She did not
share her mother's reluctance to judge Danny's girlish behavior: "No
Danny! Dresses are for girls. You are a boy." These altercations left
Danny weeping in frustration and Mary furious, and so their parents
framed the controversy in terms of territory and forbade Danny to
enter Mary's room without permission. As a concession to Danny, his
mother bought him his own Barbie doll and gingerly took his side
when Mary criticized his feminine choices: "Danny can play with
dolls if he wants to, as long as he stays away from yours. Everybody's
different."

During the year after Danny's third birthday, his mother hired a
regular babysitter for the afternoons in order to take an art history
class. The sitter, Jennifer, was an attractive college student, a sorority
girl who loved both children and fashion, and both Danny and Mary
quickly idolized her. Leslie briefed her on Danny's unique behavior
and reassured her that it was okay to indulge him. Soon Jennifer (at
Danny's urging) was painting Danny's fingernails and letting him wear
her bracelet. She introduced him to Barbie online, a website where
they could dress up Barbie in an assortment of outfits. They also played
"Princess Danielle," with Danny the princess and Jennifer the prince,
wizard, king, or whatever male role the drama at hand required. Alternatively,
they would produce sequels to Aladdin (with Danny playing
the role of Jasmine), or Beauty and the Beast (with Danny playing Belle),
or the latest video fascination with a beautiful female protagonist. Jennifer
was amused to think that she had found a playmate so feminine
that even she was relegated to the male role-and that this playmate
was a boy.

It was about this time that Danny's parents had their second
"Danny crisis." Patrick found Danny playing with his Barbie while
wearing his sister's tutu, and furiously snatched the doll away. Then he
picked up Danny, who was frightened, and carried him to the living
room, where he accused Danny's mother "Look what your son is
doing!" As she looked at their faces-Danny's ashen with fear and her
husband's red with rage-Leslie felt her heart sink. She reached out
for Danny, who practically leapt to her from his father and immediately
began to cry loudly. She took him to his room and laid him on
his bed, told him that she loved him and would be back in a little
while, and returned to the living room to face her husband. In the
ensuing discussion, she had to admit that Danny was cross-dressing
regularly, but she thought that he was merely "going through a phase."
She made her husband realize how devastated Danny was by the scene,
and she saw his anger transform into guilty regret.

This was the last time they fought about Danny. After that day, the
Ryans seemed to work out a silent compromise, in which Leslie tried
to keep Danny's feminine side from her husband, and he let Danny
alone. Danny helped, because he seemed to understand that his father
was not as receptive as his mother to his feminine activities. Sometimes,
despite their unspoken efforts, Patrick saw something not intended
for his eyes-for example, Danny playing with Barbie. Although
Patrick no longer stopped Danny or criticized him, these
moments were usually awkward and tense. Danny would hesitate, as if
he thought he might get in trouble, until Patrick left or looked away.
Patrick would become cold and quiet, and Leslie would become especially
attentive to him. But no one spoke up about Danny.

During Danny's fourth year, he "came out" to his block, going
outside to play with the neighborhood kids, wearing or bringing whatever
he wanted. Unlike his sister, the younger kids did not give him a
hard time at first although some commented, "He's wearing girl's
clothes." Danny gravitated toward the girls, who accepted him as a
skilled participant in their activities, but he became visibly anxious
when boys started playing rough around him, as they typically did. As
the other boys began to shout, shoot each other with toy guns, and
collide with each other, Danny shrank by the side of his guardian,
usually Jennifer or his mother.

On his fourth birthday Danny had a party attended by several
neighborhood kids and their mothers, his sister, Jennifer, and his
mother. He wore his tutu, a bridal veil he had recently persuaded his
mother to buy him, and black patent leather shoes that his sister had
outgrown. Jennifer did his nails and fixed his hair (with a bow), and
Danny was radiant. His gifts included a baseball bat and glove and a
toy car (his mother and perhaps Danny too wondered why anyone
would give these to him), some puzzles and books, a doll, a toy makeup
kit, and, best of all, a charm bracelet from Jennifer. Leslie realized
that the other mothers probably saw Danny as odd, but no one remarked
about his outfit or the unusual gifts. Danny was ecstatic. He
was on top of the world, happier than he would be for a long time.

* * *

Danny's fifth year was a turning point, the year of unhappy awareness.
This was the year that other children, his mother, and Danny
himself began to realize that his behavior was not only unusual, but
also in some sense unacceptable. It was the year that Danny learned
how cruelly our world can treat boys like him.

A new family with two older boys, ages 8 and 11, moved in down
the street. The first time the boys met Danny, he was playing house
with several girls. They studied him with increasing amazement before
pronouncing him a "sissy" and a "fag," and they laughed at him derisively.
Stunned, Danny ran home to his mother, who calmly explained
to him the meaning of these words. Seeing the tears in his eyes as he
struggled with the "sissy" accusation-after all, he does like girls'
things-she was both furious at the boys and heartbroken for Danny.
She realized that to that point, he had had an easy time with his
femininity and that even if she could still intervene with these particular
boys, there would be others with whom she couldn't. When she
defined a "fag" to Danny as "a boy who loves other boys," Danny
protested, "But I don't even like boys!"

Next time Danny went to play at the house where the boys had
harassed him, his mother made sure she accompanied him. This prevented
a repeat-the boys knew enough not to be mean to Danny in
front of her-but it could not reverse serious damage to Danny's social
situation. For one, she could not always be with him, and whenever
Danny was on his own and saw his detractors, they made sure to
tease him: "Fag!" or "Sissy!" or "Danny's gay!" or "Danny's a girl!"
(Leslie thought it ironic that in other times and circumstances, the
latter accusation would have made Danny happy.) Even more disturbing
was the response of the other children, who began to question
Danny's play preferences: "Danny, you shouldn't wear dresses. You're a
boy." Occasionally, they rejected him outright: "You can't play with
us." A couple of the older girls often protected Danny and scolded the
others for picking on him, but the damage had been done. Even when
Danny was allowed to play, there was now tension where before there
had been none. Difference that had been ignored now mattered.

Leslie seethed with anger at the two boys who had spoiled Danny's
world. She made an indignant phone call to their mother, who apologized,
but nothing changed. She had violent fantasies of intimidating
them into stopping. But she simultaneously realized that sooner or
later Danny was destined to confront intolerance. Even if those boys
had never clouded Danny's life, someone would have. Events soon
proved her right.

Although Danny strongly preferred the company of girls, he had
befriended one boy. Martin was not feminine like Danny, but he was
on the quiet side, somewhat passive, and not rough. He didn't mind
taking orders from Danny or playing the roles that Danny cast him in,
which were, after all, invariably male roles. Danny's parents were
pleased that he had found a male friend. Once Martin spent the night,
and Danny spent several hours at Martin's one day the next week.
Soon Danny asked his mother if he could have Martin over again.
Leslie called Martin's parents to arrange something, and Martin's
mother sounded strange as she said, "You need to talk to Martin's dad."
Martin's father stammered a bit but otherwise sounded forceful as he
explained: "We have a problem with the way that Danny plays. Last
time he was here, he wanted to be the wife and he got Martin to play
the husband. We don't think that's something our son should be a part
of. So for now, I don't think that Martin and Danny should play together."
She couldn't bear to tell Danny the truth and so told him that
Martin was sick. When she told Danny's father later, she broke down
sobbing to think of her son, four and a half years old, banned from his
best friend's company.

It was becoming increasingly clear to Leslie that she would have
to take a more active role in helping Danny negotiate his increasingly
difficult world. She had never liked the idea of squashing Danny's
feminine interests. Rather, she decided to help him become aware of
the potential consequences of his choices. The outstanding issue, she
decided, was cross-dressing in public. And so the next time Danny
wanted to go outside wearing his tutu, his mother stopped him, "I
don't think you should wear that, Danny."

"Why?"

"Because if you do, the other kids might be mean to you."

"But I want to."

"I don't think you should."

"Why?"

"I just told you. If you want to wear that, fine, but only in here. If
you want to go outside, I want you to change into jeans."

By this time, Danny was crying and ran into his room slamming
the door after him. She knew that she had hurt him, but what choice
did she have? Could a four and a half-year-old boy reconcile the fact
that there is nothing wrong with his strongest preferences with the
conflicting fact that he must nevertheless hide them from most of the
world? Could she reconcile these facts in her own mind?

Halloween approached, and she dreaded the unavoidable confrontation.
When Leslie took her children to the store to get costumes,
Mary chose Jasmine (from Aladdin). Initially, Danny tried to choose
the same costume, but his mother said no. Danny thought her refusal
meant that he should choose a different costume from his sister's. But
when he selected a princess costume, his mother said, "I don't think
that's best, honey," and suggested a cowboy costume. Disappointment
flashed in his face, followed by shame. They eventually resolved that he
would be a magician with top hat and cape and wand, but she had no
illusions that this was Danny's first choice.

Danny asked for a bicycle for his fifth birthday, and they went to
pick one out.
Continues...

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Excerpted from The Man Who Would Be Queen
by J. Michael Bailey
Copyright © 2003 by J. Michael Bailey.
Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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