Creating Love: A New Way of Understanding Our Most Important Relationships by John E. Bradshaw

From the Publisher

“Why are so many of us at times completely baffled by a relationship?
How can we think we know someone so well and admit in the end that we hardly knew that person at all?
Why do many people who work diligently and strenuously to gain wholeness and balance still feel so frustrated about having a fulfilling relationship?
Why have so many people given up on love?”—from the Prologue

John Bradshaw’s bestselling books and compelling PBS series have touched and changed millions of lives. Now, in Creating Love, he offers us a new way to understand our most crucial relationships—with our romantic partners and spouses, with our parents and children, with friends and co-workers, with ourselves, and with God.

Bradshaw’s compassionate approach shows that many of us have been literally “entranced” by past experiences of counterfeit love, so we unknowingly re-create patterns that can never fulfill us. Here he provides both the insights and the precise tools we need to keep those destructive patterns from repeating in the present. And then he shows how we can open ourselves to the soul-building work of real love—and create healthy, loving relationships where we can be fully ourselves in every part of our lives.

Publishers Weekly

Bradshaw's practical, often profound guide to building healthy, loving relationships was a seven-week PW bestseller. (Feb.)

Kirkus Reviews

From the man who brought us the "inner child" (Homecoming, 1990—not reviewed), here's a new serving of psychobabble aimed at the maladjusted: an exploration of the "mysterious power of love" and how to attain it. One doesn't doubt Bradshaw's sincerity, especially as he packs this book with revelations about his mixed-up childhood, failed bid for the priesthood, lousy marriage, and alcoholism—with such disclosures being part of the "original pain work" (Bradshaw is a whiz at coining jargon) toward the "reclaiming of the inner child." What one questions is his taste, for this resembles nothing more than a mound of Turkish delight, gooey sugar base with bits of real food buried here and there. Bradshaw encourages renewed relations with God, oneself, lovers, and the world—sage advice, but to be attained by enduring a barrage of New-Agespeak ("as you looked into your source figures' faces, you were psychologically born. Your original oneness with yourself was either soulfully mirrored and validated or rejected and invalidated"). Translated into English, Bradshaw seems to be saying that we deceive ourselves and others (a "mystification quiz" helps measure the degree); that patriarchy is to blame; and that we can come to see reality through a process that includes mental exercises such as returning to childhood and getting mad at our parents, "inrage to outrage" being part of "grieving your own grief." Good grief! Only then can we create "soulful" love with ourself and others. Sometimes Bradshaw's advice sounds solid (championing the virtues of silence); at other times, perverse (encouraging anger; terming the belief that one's love can change others—a fundamentalprinciple in many religions—a sign that "you are in a trance"). One wonders whether Bradshaw will leave confused readers yet more confused—thus making them ideal clients for the self-help gurus. Soon to be a PBS series—during the afternoon soap hour, one hopes.

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