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As consultant to the Regional Preternatural Crime Investigation Unit, Anita’s called in on what appears to be a case involving a serial killer - a vampire serial killer - who may be preying on strippers. She’s sure that none of the local vamps are responsible - but her judgment may be clouded by a conflict of interest. For she is, after all, the consort of Jean-Claude, the ever-intoxicating Master Vampire of the City - something that both her human friends and her ex, the alpha werewolf Richard, are quick to point out.
Surrounded by suspicion, overwhelmed by her attempts to control the primal lusts that continue to wrack her as a result of her passionate contacts with vampire, werewolf, and the shapeshifter Micah, Anita does something unprecedented. She calls for help…
Fans of bestseller Hamilton's vampire hunter Anita Blake will be thrilled with at least one aspect of this transitional 12th installment (after 2003's Cerulean Sins): Anita finally resolves her relationships with werewolf ex-boyfriend Richard Zeeman and vampire boyfriend Jean-Claude. They'll also be pleased to see Anita finally get comfortable with her own behavior, despite crossing many lines-sexual, psychological, professional, paranormal-that she previously thought uncrossable. In her role as vampire-executioner and preternatural-crime investigator, Anita pursues a band of serial-killing vampires who prey on female strippers, but much of the novel focuses on her responsibilities as a leader in St. Louis's vampiric-lycanthropic community. Those obligations are often intertwined with sex, the basic tool of her ever-growing magical powers. The ardeur that compels her to have sex in order to fuel her two "power triumvirates" must now be fed with increasing frequency. Old foes threaten as new enemies emerge. There's plenty of life (and undeath) left in this series, and Hamilton's imagination is apparently as inexhaustible as her heroine's supernatural capacity for coupling. Agent, Merrilee Heifetz at Writers House. (Oct. 5) Forecast: The trend toward emphasizing the erotic may lose some established fans, but is likely to gain the author many more new readers. A 14-city author tour will help keep the momentum going. Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.
More Reviews and RecommendationsToss everything you think you know about vampire stories and sword and sorcery novels into an open grave, because Laurell K. Hamilton is reinventing the genres with chills, thrills, and giggles. With her popular Anita Blake and Meredith Gentry series, Hamilton is making dark fantasy fantastically entertaining again.
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February 02, 2010: I am not a huge Anita Blake fan. AT ALL. But when I first stared out, I was excited, overjoyed to be reading such a 'great'; book series! I got up to Circus of the Damned, and stopped enjoying it there.
What happened!!!!??? The arduer is a STUPID plot twist, a way for one to write sex scenes, but with saying that she has an excuse. It wasn't enough that Anita was an annoying character already; she was whiny, always whipping out her gun.This book is a huge dissappointment. I want a plotline, not a confusing sex book.Reader Rating:
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December 10, 2009: While I am a fan of the Anita Blake series this was not my favorite of her books. The main characters moral have gone out the window and honestly other than who she was sleeping with that hour I kept forgetting what the focus of the story was supposed to be. Thank goodness other books in the series were better.
Name:
Laurell K. Hamilton
Also Known As:
Laurell Kaye Klein (birth name)
Current Home:
St. Louis, Missouri
Date of Birth:
February 19, 1963
Place of Birth:
Heber Springs, Arkansas
Education:
B.A., Marion College
Awards:
P.E.A.R.L. (Paranormal Excellence Award for Romantic Literature) for A Kiss Of Shadows, 2000
The vampire genre has enthralled readers ever since Bram Stoker introduced a certain Transylvanian count over a century ago. Since then vampires have been used as vehicles for everything from romantic novels to erotica to humor to the expected tales of terror. However, very few writers have combined all of these facets of the never-say-die vampire quite the way that Laurell K. Hamilton has.
Hamilton has not always been under the spell of undead things that go bump-and-grind in the night. When she was a young girl, her literary tastes were a bit more on the traditional side. "I wanted to be Louisa May Alcott, who wrote Little Women, because I had never read any science fiction, fantasy, or horror," she confessed in a podcast on Mayor Slay.com. "Then at 13 or 14 I found Robert E. Howard's short story collection [Pigeons From Hell]. It was the first horror, the first heroic fantasy, the first science fiction I'd ever read, and the moment I read that I knew that not only did I want to be a writer, but this is what I wanted to write."
Furthering Hamilton's burgeoning fascination with the fantastic, she discovered Anthony Masters's The Natural History of the Vampire at her high school library. Coupled with the ghost stories her grandmother had told her when she was a child and heavy doses of Hammer Horror movies from Great Britain, Hamilton was well on her way to creating a character that would only be rivaled by Buffy in the field of vampire slaying.
Hamilton first introduced vampire huntress Anita Blake in her third novel Guilty Pleasures. Blake is an unlikely combination of action hero, federal marshal, "necromancer," and lusty dame. Her exploits between the sheets and in the graveyard won Hamilton a rabid following hungry for something new in the well-traveled vampire genre.
Along with the kinds of scares normally associated with vampire stories, Hamilton's books are notable for their unflinching eroticism. Vampires have had a sexual lure since Stoker, but Hamilton particularly draws that aspect to the surface of her work as one of her creatures might draw blood from a victim. "I [want] a kiss to be so believable it gives the reader shivers," she says on her website. "Two things I do well are sex and violence, but I don't want gratuitous sex or violence. The sex and violence is only as graphic as need be. And never included unless it furthers the plot or character development."
Another unlikely trait of her books is humor, vampire tales classically being of the more solemn sort. However, a writer weaned on a book titled Pigeons From Hell is not likely going to shy away from wit. Consequently, her books have been consistently entertaining and fun, as well as creepy and sexy.
Hamilton has also brought her delicious combination of sex, humor, and frights to another series, this one more ingrained in dark fantasy than horror. Her faerie princess/P.I. Meredith Gentry made her debut in Kiss of Shadows in 2001 and has since sparked her own crowd-pleasing sword and sorcery meets pulp series.
Increasingly, the Anita Blake and Merry Gentry books have added more sexual content to their story lines, classifying both series in a new hybrid genre that blends romance, erotica, and paranormal fantasy. To judge from Hamilton's consistent appearance on the bestseller charts, readers find the mix spellbinding.
One thing you will never find in a Hamilton novel is a cliffhanger. She believes that cliffhangers unfairly tease readers who would then have to wait six months to a year to have some sense of resolution. As she said during an interview with Bill Thompson of Eye On Books, "Every book is a full meal. All the way from the appetizer to the dessert, so that you come away feeling that you've had an experience... and at the end you have that satisfied, full feeling."
Before Laurell K. Hamilton made a full-time career of blood, guts, murder, and mayhem, she had more humane pursuits -- she volunteered at an animal shelter where she played with unwanted pets.
In our interview, Hamilton shared some fun and fascinating facts about herself with us:
"I am incredibly stubborn. Telling me I cannot do something, especially if you cite the fact that I am a girl, will make me want to do it more and do it better."
"I am not my characters. We have some of the same traits in common, but we are very different people."
"Everything inspires me. Getting up in the morning, walking the dogs, watching a music video. Inspiration comes from everywhere."
"I love animals. I own four dogs, two of whom are rescues. In fact, Jimmy is with us because they were going to gas him if we didn't take him with us. As an older dog his chances of finding a home were fairly slim. But he has been a wonderful addition to our home."
"I like spending time with my family and friends. Something I often feel I do not do enough of. But there are only so many hours in a day."
"I like to read other people's works. I love reading cozy or historical mysteries when I can."
"I enjoy interacting with fans at planned public events. I enjoy talking to them and have met many wonderful people."
What was the book that most influenced your life or your career as a writer?
Pigeons From Hell by Robert E. Howard -- it was the first heroic fantasy/horror novel I ever read. I read it and knew that not only did I want to be a writer, but this was what I wanted to write.
Andre Norton was important both for her science fiction and fantasy novels, and the fact that she was a woman. Before I became enamored of fantastic literature, my first writing hero was Louisa May Alcott, as in Little Women, and many more books. When I began writing horror and the like, I thought I'd left her far behind, only to discover that Ms. Alcott had also written gothic horror stories.
What are your favorite books, and what makes them special to you?
What are some of your favorite films, and what makes them unforgettable to you?
What types of music do you like? Is there any particular kind you like to listen to when you're writing?
Tori Amos is a perennial favorite, but I have listened to everything from Nine Inch Nails to The Veggie Tales Christmas album.
If you had a book club, what would it be reading?
Any Nero Wolf books by Rex Stout -- because we (my husband and I) started reading them a year ago. They are clever, charming and the quality of the writing is consistently high. They are a wonderful hybrid of hardboiled detective and super-genius detective.
What are your favorite kinds of books to give -- and get -- as gifts?
I try to pick books that the recipient will actually read. I find most folks give books that they want to read or ones they hope will expand the mind of the recipient whether they like it or not. Books can do all that and still be entertaining. Books should be about the person you're giving it to rather than the gift giver.
As to what kind of books I like to get, I tend to like animal books -- ones with lovely pictures of dogs or other animals.
Do you have any special writing rituals? For example, what do you have on your desk when you're writing?
I don't really have any rituals. And my desk needs to be an uncluttered space for me to work. So most likely I will have a cup of hot tea and the music I have chosen for this book. Much else and I tend to get distracted.
Many writers are hardly "overnight success" stories. How long did it take for you to get where you are today? Any rejection-slip horror stories or inspirational anecdotes?
Nearly fourteen years ago when I was first trying to sell Guilty Pleasures, I had one publishing house reject the book on the grounds that the market couldn't bear another vampire book, and the week they were going to make the decision another vampire novel came out from another publisher. They used that as a reason to reject me, and Anita. They said that the vampire market was dying out, and no one wanted to read about vampires anymore.
I was told by a prominent mystery editor that if my Anita Blake mysteries had been straight mystery, no horror elements, or fantastic elements at all, that I'd have never gotten published. Because I am a woman writing from a first person woman's point of view, that no one would have touched it. Maybe that's true. Maybe it was one of the things that sent Anita around to nearly every publisher before it found a home. I don't know. No one complained about the sexual content of the first book, but then, there wasn't any.
I don't know if I'd have had more trouble if the first few books had had a higher content or not. I do know that by using the tropisms of several different genres, I get to play exactly the way I want to play. I get the tough as nails attitude of a hardboiled-mystery, the monsters and gore level of horror, the sex and sensuality of romance, the sheer wonderment of fantasy, and the feeling of reality that the best science fiction gives to amazingly odd facts. If I hadn't chosen to mix genres I might have had a harder time. Though most people told me that mixing genres this badly would doom me. Just goes to prove that you have to believe in yourself and your vision.
If you could choose one new writer to be "discovered," who would it be?
Rett MacPherson. The Victory O'Shea mysteries are delightfully different. First, the main character, Torie, is happily married, has more than one child and a mother who has been wheelchair bound most of Torie's life. The books are set around a small Missouri town that is a concentrated version of several historic towns here. Rett makes good use of Torie's extended family in the books and explains dramatic versions of some of the problems we all face with blood relatives. The series began in 1998 with Family Skeletons and is now in it's eighth book with the just-published In Sheep's Clothing.
They are fun to read and I don't think enough people have found them yet. Rett is also a personal friend and member of my writing group.
What tips or advice do you have for writers still looking to be discovered?
Write. You'd be surprised how many wanna-be writers never seem to do that. Write, then finish it. Finish the story. Finish the book. Do two pages a day, every day. Do not revise as you go. If you come to something you don't know, like what does 14th century underwear look like, put a note, skip it, and keep writing. I hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth, but trust me I've met too many writers that have the perfect three chapters of their book, but nothing more. Three chapters isn't a book, it's a beginning -- finish it.
Once you have hundreds of pages on the other side of your computer, then go through and fill in those blank spots with research. Now, you can look up how to undress your 14th century heroine. Now you can chorography that fight scene. If you spend more than a week on a scene, maybe two days, skip it, write a note that says, fight scene here. You know who wins, just move on, keep going. The second draft is just filling in the blank notes. The third draft is where you begin to edit, and polish the writing. I did seven drafts of my first book, and I wrote it just like I've described. It sold. Most first novels don't. My way is not the only way, heaven knows, but it's the way that allowed me to write my first five to six books.
I've gotten better at my job, and I no longer need seven drafts to get it where I want to be. But I find even today, as I write my seventeenth novel, that if I spend more than a week on a scene, I'm stuck, and I need to move on. Perfectionism has set in, and I'm trying to make it perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal -- trust me on that. Just write, try not to worry, and when it's done, send it out. Try to sell it. For money. Not copies, not for friends to read. Sell it. This is a business, not a charity. Remember that. Your goal is to earn a living writing what you most love, right? Well, if that's your goal, act like it.
I always started at the highest paying appropriate market for my short stories, and then worked down as they got rejected. I'm assuming that you have researched your markets and aren't trying to send vampire stories to magazines that don't even buy fiction. It's a business, remember. Sending your stories to inappropriate markets is like showing up for a job interview because you really want to edit fiction books, but you've walked into a computer-engineering firm. They don't edit fiction books there. Sending your story to the wrong market is the same deal.
Here's another important piece of advice: send the story, or book out, then get started on the next one. Don't fret, and hover around the mailbox angsting over that one story. It's like a mother with one child -- you worry more. So have more literary children, that way when one is rejected you know that there are others out there, that haven't been. It takes some of the sting out of the rejection process. Not a lot, but some. You've got to want this more than any other job, and you've got to toughen your ego, so that the business doesn't crush you. Be tough. Believe in yourself and your dreams.
The Barnes & Noble Review
Devout followers of Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake saga who think that they have the sexy vampire executioner finally figured out are in for a big surprise in Incubus Dreams, the 12th -- and steamiest! -- installment in the wildly popular series.
Already metaphysically connected to master vampire Jean-Claude and to Richard, the Ulric of the St. Louis werewolf pack, Anita finds herself in another supernatural triumvirate, this one with the seductive, shape-shifting stripper Nathaniel and the beautiful bloodsucker Damian. With so many preternatural bonds, Anita finds herself struggling to come to grips with the potentially deadly disadvantages -- and the mind-blowing benefits -- of the complicated arrangement. As Anita is just beginning to understand how to utilize her newfound powers, a series of brutal strip club murders forces her to come face to face with her most terrifying foe to date: her own conscience.
Stylish, witty, breakneck paced, and filled with enough supernatural sensuality to surprise even the most hard-core fans, this novel, simply put, will blow readers away. As implausible as it may seem, after genre-transcending novels like Obsidian Butterfly, Narcissus in Chains, and Cerulean Sins, Hamilton has found an ingenious way to further complicate one of the most complex and compelling female characters in the history of speculative fiction.
While other series tend to lose energy -- and readership -- after numerous installments, Hamilton's saga is just hitting its stride with the 12th novel. After reading Incubus Dreams, Anita Blake fanatics all over the world will be rabidly waiting to sink their fangs into the next novel, to see what happens to the newly liberated and supernaturally enhanced vampire hunter. In a word: Wow! Paul Goat Allen
As consultant to the Regional Preternatural Crime Investigation Unit, Anita’s called in on what appears to be a case involving a serial killer - a vampire serial killer - who may be preying on strippers. She’s sure that none of the local vamps are responsible - but her judgment may be clouded by a conflict of interest. For she is, after all, the consort of Jean-Claude, the ever-intoxicating Master Vampire of the City - something that both her human friends and her ex, the alpha werewolf Richard, are quick to point out.
Surrounded by suspicion, overwhelmed by her attempts to control the primal lusts that continue to wrack her as a result of her passionate contacts with vampire, werewolf, and the shapeshifter Micah, Anita does something unprecedented. She calls for help…
Fans of bestseller Hamilton's vampire hunter Anita Blake will be thrilled with at least one aspect of this transitional 12th installment (after 2003's Cerulean Sins): Anita finally resolves her relationships with werewolf ex-boyfriend Richard Zeeman and vampire boyfriend Jean-Claude. They'll also be pleased to see Anita finally get comfortable with her own behavior, despite crossing many lines-sexual, psychological, professional, paranormal-that she previously thought uncrossable. In her role as vampire-executioner and preternatural-crime investigator, Anita pursues a band of serial-killing vampires who prey on female strippers, but much of the novel focuses on her responsibilities as a leader in St. Louis's vampiric-lycanthropic community. Those obligations are often intertwined with sex, the basic tool of her ever-growing magical powers. The ardeur that compels her to have sex in order to fuel her two "power triumvirates" must now be fed with increasing frequency. Old foes threaten as new enemies emerge. There's plenty of life (and undeath) left in this series, and Hamilton's imagination is apparently as inexhaustible as her heroine's supernatural capacity for coupling. Agent, Merrilee Heifetz at Writers House. (Oct. 5) Forecast: The trend toward emphasizing the erotic may lose some established fans, but is likely to gain the author many more new readers. A 14-city author tour will help keep the momentum going. Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.
Anita Blake returns in this third series entry, still the same gutsy, no-nonsense female unafraid to take on anything that the preternatural world throws her way. Her sex life is as extraordinary as ever: one lover, Richard, is leader of a werewolf pack, while another, Jean-Claude, is the vampire Master of the City. These and other complex physical relationships strengthen Anita's psychic powers and enable her to help the cops track down a gang of serial killers; strippers from local clubs have been murdered, their blood-drained bodies covered with multiple vampire bites. The final chapters become a page-turning adventure as Anita and the police zero in on the perpetrators. Fans of the series will not be disappointed; recommended where the series is popular.-Patricia Altner, Information Seekers, Columbia, MD Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.
Twelfth entry and fourth hardcover in the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series. Vampires now have rights and restrictions. But it's amazing how so many humans survive in an alternate-world St. Louis, what with all the vamp packs, wereleopards, werewolves, the lone werefox, and animated zombies bleeding folks dry or ripping up bodies. Supernatural serial killers have become Blake's stock-in-trade (Seduced by Moonlight, 2003, etc.) while she tries to straighten out her romantic sex life (when she's not celibate). Sexy Anita has three otherworldly boyfriends, since Richard Zeeman, the Wolf-King to whom she was engaged, dumped her because she's homier with monsters than he. She and Micah Callahan are Queen and King of the wereleopards, though she's more consort than wife until the climactic sex scene. Strippers are being murdered by rogue vamps while Anita suffers endlessly from her complicated love life, chastely sleeping with handsome 20-year-old Nathaniel, her pomme de sang, while fighting off her ardeur, or beastly libido. Under the ardeur when her beloved Master Vampire, Jean-Claude, feeds, she tastes the blood, and when Richard brings down a deer, its meat slides down her throat. The ardeur also leads to plenty of hot sex, all steam and mind-pumping passion, but often leading to metaphysical whammies. Heading the killer pack is older Vittorio, who is strong enough to hide his acts from the Church of Eternal Rest and even from the Master of the City, ex-lover Jean-Claude. At this length, Hamilton goes really big time. But between spells of grisly melodrama and enjoyable monsterology, the main device here is that irritable Anita gets along with nobody and bitches at great length witheveryone she meets, at times for whole chapters of filler-and it's not even midlife crisis. Agent: Merrilee Heifetz/Writers House
Loading...Paul Goat Allen: I wanted to talk about the incredible longevity of Anita Blake. When many series -- especially in the fantasy genre -- get past the fifth or sixth installment, the plotlines are usually rehashed and lack the fiery creativity that started the saga in the first place. Your series is just the opposite: With every new novel, it seems you dramatically increase readership while continuing to breathe new life into Anita and her friends. Two questions: Why do you think your Anita Blake novels are continuing to gain new readers? And when you started writing about Anita, did you ever dream that you would be publishing your 12th Anita Blake novel?
Laurell K. Hamilton: I'll answer the second question first -- and that is I hoped but I did not know. There's no way to be sure that a series is going to have this kind of longevity. I knew I had enough tentative plot outlines and I knew that I had certainly built a world big enough to play in this long -- but that doesn't mean that you'll get the chance. Publishing is really tough right now. The other question about gaining readership -- it's one of those things where I'm still having more people in line at signings (even as the crowds grow and grow) that say my sister, my coworker, my friend, the librarian, the person at the bookstore, recommended these books to me. I'm still getting that word-of-mouth. The fans have been great about spreading the word. I've jokingly said that we should get buttons that say "LKH PUSHER" -- except that we're afraid that people will misconstrue it. The Web has definitely played a part. Truthfully, I would not be as popular, especially worldwide, if I did not have, I think, over 1,000 sites (I don't even know how many sites are out there now) that either have something to do with me or my books. The biggest [reason] why the readership continues to grow is the fact that I am still having an absolutely wonderful time, that I am still enjoying myself immensely. It's not just fantasy series that peter out around the fifth or sixth book; many mystery series seem to lose steam around there, too. It's hard to sustain your vision, hard to sustain why you originally sat down to write this series in the first place.
For me, with Anita, I'm very lucky that I still remember what sat me down to write this and why I wanted to play in this world. Anita's world is not static at all -- and Anita is not static. I think a lot of series make the mistake of not letting their characters grow. Because Anita grows and changes and the people in her life grow and change, it means that I am never bored. In fact, I find myself often surprising myself and saying, "Oh my God, you're not really going to do that!"
PGA: When we last talked, I asked you about the difficulties associated with writing a novel so incredibly dense in plot. Of all the Anita Blake novels thus far, Incubus Dreams is easily the most complex. With all the life-altering changes occurring with Anita and her relationships, were the numerous plotlines in this novel more difficult to weave together than those in any other Anita Blake novel?
LKH: This was one of the hardest Anita novels to write because, as you said, it was so packed. There was nothing left out that I wanted to do in this book. Due to the time constraints of doing two series, with such big books in each, I've sort of -- not shortchanged, but I've sat there and said that I'll put some of the "personal stuff that can wait kind of thing" in the next book. For Incubus Dreams, I included everything. In this book I did not shortchange anything I wanted to do. I indulged. And it was a great deal more fun because of that. The book was a great deal of fun for me as a writer. And from what I've been hearing back from early readers, they're feeling the same way, too.
PGA: Any comments about all the novels being published now that are extremely similar to your Anita Blake sequence? Irritated or flattered?
LKH: Well, here's a word for you that I did not coin, this was coined by people in New York that are not my editors: Hamiltonesque. After I first hit big, I heard from several writers, editors, and other people in the business that people were saying, "I thought it would be more Hamiltonesque" or "I want Hamiltonesque." Literally, people were requesting books, and the description of them was Hamiltonesque! I'm neither irritated nor flattered -- [I was] puzzled at first. People who have read my stuff and have felt truly inspired to write something comparable with ideas of their own, to take something that spoke to their heart and make it their own, I'm cool with that. The people who are just jumping on the bandwagon, I don't care who they're imitating, that's just sad.
PGA: You talked briefly in your acknowledgements about visiting strip clubs while doing research for Incubus Dreams. What was the most memorable experience you had during those outings?
LKH: Hmm…I don't know, it's a very weird Miss Manners moment to be in a place where people are nude and trying to be attractive and, ah, my take on it very often was, "Oh my God!" I just…I do not want anybody else's genitals near my face unless they are part of my personal life!
It was good that I had something to amuse me, because Nathaniel was being very unamused. I'd known he would be upset about me marking Micah's neck, when he'd practically begged me to do it to him, and I'd refused, but I had no real clue how upset. He'd been banging things around the kitchen. A cabinet door didn't just close, it slammed. Opening the refrigerator was a chorus of bangs, slaps, etc...I didn't even know that plastic food containers could make that much noise.
In between slamming things around, he was agreeing with everything Gregory said, but his tone of voice sounded like he was fighting. "We've been advertising a leopard for tonight, if they can't have me, you're it," Gregory said, then licked that long pink tongue all the way around his 'muzzle.'
"Fine, it's not like I'll be doing anything else tonight." Somehow I thought that last was directed at me.
Micah was giving me the look, the once that said as clearly as if he'd spoken, fix this. Why was it always me that had to fix it? Because I was usually the one who screwed it up in the first place. Oh, that was why.
My teeth marks were imprinted in Micah's neck, the edges had been smeared with neosporin, but he hadn't had to bandage it. Good for him, and for me. I'd stopped before I'd hurt him too badly. It was actually less bloody than the one and only time I'd let myself mark Nathaniel. It had been when the arduer was new and I was still trying to find ways to feed it that didn't involve intercourse. Silly me.
The last straw was when Nathaniel took the butter dish off the table before everybody was finished with it. Gregory grabbed for it, and claws are wrong for grabbing china. The plate fell and broke all over the floor. The butter slid across the floor in a long yellow line, like a really nasty snail trail. I don't know what I would have said, probably something not very helpful, but the phone rang.
"Someone else get that," Nathaniel said from the floor where he was wiping up the mess, "I'm a little busy."
Micah just kept eating his breakfast, I think because he was upset with me for not saying something to help things with Nathaniel. Problem was I didn't know what to say. So I got the phone.
"Anita, it's Ronnie."
"Ronnie, hi," and I was thinking furiously. Oh, yeah, I wasn't the only one having personal problems. I still couldn't believe that Ronnie had turned down Louie's proposal. Out loud I said, "How ya doing?"
"Louie left a message on my phone, so I know you know." She sounded defensive.
"Okay, you want to talk about it?" I didn't take offense. It wasn't me she was mad at.
She blew out a loud breath. "Yes, no, I don't know."
"You can come here, or I'll meet you somewhere." I was using that careful voice, sort of the one Micah used so much with me.
"I'll bring bagels," she said.
"How about you can have homemade biscuits when you get here?" I said.
"Homemade biscuits? You didn't make them, did you?"
"No, Nathaniel did."
"Can he cook?"
"Actually, yes."
I could almost feel her doubt wafting over the phone.
"Honest, he's really good at the baking stuff."
"If you say so."
"Well, we'd starve if they waited for me to cook."
She laughed then. "Well, that is the God's honest truth. Okay, I'll be there soon, save some biscuits for me."
"Sure thing."
We hung up.
I stayed by the phone for a second or two, watching Nathaniel's angry back at the garbage can where he was disposing of the broken dish and dead butter. I'd never realized that a pony-tail could bob angrily.
Micah looked at me, and the look was eloquent, fix this, fix this or I'll be mad at you too. There are a few downsides to having two men living with you, when they both get pissed at you at the same time is one of them.
Nathaniel stayed by the cabinet, hands on the edge of it, his entire body radiating anger. I'd never seen him this angry. It should have made me angry, but it didn't. He could be angry if he wanted to be, I guess.
I tried to think of something useful to say. He'd gone from being happy as a domestic lark to being pissed as I'd ever seen him. The only thing that had changed was the mark on Micah's neck. He'd lived through Micah getting intercourse, orgasm, while he, Nathaniel, got almost nothing. So why was that one over-enthusiastic hickey the breaking point for him? I thought and thought until I could feel a headache beginning just between my eyes. Then I had a thought, a good one, it was almost insightful. I don't usually get to insightful without talking to smarter and wiser friends. But suddenly there it was, the truth, I think.
I walked over to him, and touched his shoulder. He jerked away from me. He'd never done that before. It scared me. I didn't want him that angry at me, ever. Micah was right, I had to fix this. But how?
"Nathaniel..." and it was as if saying his name opened the flood gates.
"I can't live like this. You give me an inch and then you take it away. Orgasm today, but only because of some metaphysical shit. You'll find an excuse not to do it again. You always do. He gets intercourse, and orgasm, and I get nothing. But you'd marked me, me, not him, me!" He was still staring at the cabinet, while he ranted louder and louder. "It was all I had. All I had!" He had to pause to take a breath and I rushed into that small silence.
"I'm sorry." I said fast before he could catch his breath.
"I don't know why I keep hoping..." He hesitated, stopped, then turned to me slowly. "What did you say?"
"I said, I'm sorry."
His face softened for a second, then hardened, and he narrowed his eyes at me. He looked positively suspicious. "What exactly are you sorry about?"
"I'm sorry you're upset."
"Oh..." and he was off again, ranting.
I touched his arm, and he didn't jerk away this time, but he kept listing all the things I wouldn't do for him, or with him. It might have been embarrassing if I hadn't been more worried about stopping the fight than almost anything else. "You have to go to work tonight," I said.
That stopped him because I think it made no sense, considering what we were talking about. "What? Yes, what about it?"
"If you didn't have to work tonight, I'd take you into the bedroom now and mark you, if that's what you wanted."
He pulled away again. "I don't want you to do it just because I'm mad. I want you to do it because you want to, because you'd enjoy it too."
God, he could be so demanding. I actually had to stop and count slowly in my head, because this whole dominant submission thing hit my buttons badly. I'd done enough research to understand that the world of dom and sub was a lot bigger and more varied than I'd believed. That there were people out there that considered my love of nails and teeth during sex and foreplay to be perverted. That even that was bondage to them. I liked teeth and nails during foreplay and sex, I really did. It wasn't pretend, and it wasn't just for Nathaniel's sake. Once I thought it through to that point, I wasn't angry with him. The anger came not from what he wanted, but from my discomfort that I would enjoy it. I knew that now, embracing it all the way through my head--well, I wasn't quite there yet.
I tried for honesty, with him, and myself. "I'd love the feel of your neck under my teeth. I'd love to sink my mouth around all the meaty parts of you, and bite down until I was afraid I'd hurt you." I felt heat rush up my face, and I had to close my eyes, to finish it. "I loved the feel of you in my mouth. I loved marking you, but I wasn't ready to admit it. And it still makes me uncomfortable, but it's not because it's you, it's because it just seems so...so, I don't know..."
"Perverted," Gregory suggested.
I opened my eyes to glare at him. "Don't help me, Gregory, okay."
"Sorry."
"Do you mean what you just said?" Nathaniel asked, and his voice was oddly empty, as if he were trying very hard not to be angry or hopeful.
I met his face, and even his eyes were being careful. I hated to see him managing me that hard, as if he were afraid if he appeared too eager I'd run. And he might have been right. The thing was, I'd been doing my own version of what Richard was doing. I wasn't running from as much of myself, but if I hadn't had the arduer to push me, I might have been. If I could have pretended as cleanly as Richard could, I would have. That I could admit at least to myself. The arduer had made that impossible. But this wasn't about the arduer. This was about Nathaniel and me, and the happy little domestic arrangement that we had.
I'd waited too long to answer. Nathaniel's eyes filled with such sorrow, and he turned away. Oh, hell. I grabbed his face between my hands, and went up on tip-toes for that three inch height difference. I'd startled him so that he stumbled back into the cabinets. I plastered myself against the front of his body, and kissed him. I kissed him as if I were eating him. I set my teeth into that lovely lower lip and bit down, not enough to mark, but enough to draw a small sound from his throat. I leaned back from the kiss enough to see his eyes wide and unfocused. His hands gripped the cabinet behind him so tight his hands were mottled, as if he was afraid he'd fall.
I was breathing a little hard myself. My voice was shaky when I said, "That wasn't metaphysical shit. That was just me, just you."
His eyes closed, and a shudder ran through him from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. He swayed, and if I hadn't caught him around the waist, I think he'd have fallen. His arms slid around me, and he laid his head on my shoulder. He hadn't exactly fainted, but he was limp in my arms. I realized he was totally passive. I knew in that moment I could do anything I wanted to him. The thought didn't excite me, it scared me. I had enough trouble running my own life, I didn't want someone else's. But I kept my doubts to myself. He had enough of his own without me sharing.
"You promise," he whispered, "promise you'll mark me tonight."
He'd said the 'p' word. Shit. "I promise," I whispered it into the vanilla warmth of his hair.
He drew a deep breath that moved his bare chest up and down along my covered one. My body reacted to it, whether I wanted it to or not. Nipples hardening from the brush of him.
He drew back enough to see my face, and the look in his eyes was all male, and brought heat in a rush up my face again. It sped my pulse in my throat. He was submissive, but underneath all that was something that could have been very dangerous, and it was there in his eyes now, that promise of disaster.
"Come to the club tonight, see my act, please."
I shook my head. "I work tonight."
"Please." The please was more than just a word, it filled his eyes. He wanted me to see him on stage, surrounded by screaming fans. Maybe he wanted to impress on me that even if I didn't want him, others did. I guess I'd earned it, having my face rubbed in it.
"What time do you go on?"
He told me.
"I can catch some of your act, but probably not all."
He kissed me, hard and strangely chaste, and bounced towards the door. "I'll need to see if my costume is ready for tonight." He turned at the door with that eager look still on his face. "What if I turn furry, will you still mark me?"
"I don't do furry," I said.
He poked his lip out at me, like an imitation of a child.
"You are so damn pushy, you do know that, right?"
He smiled.
"I don't do furry."
"But if I'm not furry, you'll do it?" He asked it, and something about the way he said it made me suspicious, but I nodded. "Yes."
He vanished into the dimness of the living room. "I'll see you tonight at the club."
I yelled after him. "If there's another murder all bets are off. Murder takes precedence over watching my boyfriend strip." There was that word again, boyfriend.
I heard Nathaniel's laugh trail down the stairs. It reminded me of another man in my life, who'd left me with a laugh this morning. I was just amusing the hell out of everybody today.
--from Incubus Dreams by Laurell K. Hamilton, Copyright © 2004 Laurell K. Hamilton, published by the Berkley Publishing Group, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., all rights reserved, reprinted with permission from the publisher.
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