Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
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(Paperback - Reprint)
- Pub. Date: September 2003
- 432pp
- Sales Rank: 9,706
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Product Details
- Pub. Date: September 2003
- Publisher: Penguin Group (USA)
- Format: Paperback, 432pp
- Sales Rank: 9,706
- ISBN-13: 9780425191651
- ISBN: 0425191656
- Edition Description: Reprint
Synopsis
"He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control."
"He can be sweet and gentle."
"He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father."
"He's had a really hard life..."
Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:
• The early warning signs
• Nine abusive personality types
• How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
• The role of drugs and alcohol
• What can be fixed, and what can't
• How to leave a relationship safely
Library Journal
Having worked with abusive men for 15 years, Bancroft explains clearly what causes such behavior, describes the nine abusive personality types (from verbal abuser to batterer), and outlines the "warning signs." (LJ 8/02) Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.
More Reviews and RecommendationsBiography
Lundy Bancroft has spent the last 15 years specializing in abusive men. The author of articles in medical journals and professional books, he is the former co-director of Emerge, the nation's first program for abusive men. Now he trains various state and judicial agencies in working with domestic abuse.
Customer Reviews
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- Ratings: 23Reviews: 17
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This book is amazing!by Anonymous
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November 04, 2009: I read this book after I left my now ex husband. Right after I left him. I felt so much guilt at the time. I left in fear of my life, but I kept thinking that he's really not a bad person, he's a victim of his childhood, that he could be so nice to me at times. If he could just get off the drugs and alcohol everything would be okay...After reading this book, I never felt another sliver of guilt. I didn't even realize I had been emotionally abused until reading this book. I knew I had been physically abused. Mr. Bancroft opened my eyes. From the 'cycle' of abuse, to understanding that my ex husband will probably never change, understanding that being nice sometimes is a tactic of abusers. What really got me is the 'types' of abusers he profiles. I felt that he was writing about my ex husband directly, not a category of abuse. I have a deep admiration for Mr. Bancroft for writing this book. It was exactly what I needed to move on with my life. And to recognize abuse coming from a distance from that point forward.
Worth two months in therapy!by KathieBridges
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October 04, 2009: This book was suggested to me by a dear friend who is also going through a divorce from "an angry, controlling man". She said "read it, and do it now"! I did and could not put it down. My book is full of turned back pages where I had multiple "oh yes!" moments. It was both comforting and distressing because I discovered I had been giving in to his threats and intimidation since before we were married 18 years ago.
It is written by a psychiatrist whose practice was with abusive, controlling men. Bancroft not only described the characteristics of these men perfectly, but left me with the strength to say "that's it! I will not take one more day of that verbal punishment".My own therapist is going to use it as required reading for women in her practice, who like myself, just "put up with it" for years and years and totally lost ourselves...
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