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Chapter OneTen Facts
Fact number 1
Women Have More Power Over Men Than They Know
Did you know that it is easier for a man to take a swing at a guy twice his size, ask his boss for a raise, and run a marathon on a hot day than it is for him to approach a woman? Men are trained and biologically driven to be aggressive and competitive. But in his mind you are more daunting than a six-foot-six football tackle or a roomful of demanding business associates. He can sustain bodily injury, he can negotiate business demands, but he can't risk his manhood where it's most vulnerable. With you.
Of course, a man's sense of himself as a man is also gained by competing with other men, by doing well in the world, and by his own sense of dignity and worth. But his manhood is most vulnerable when he measures himself in the eyes of women, or of one woman. No matter how confident, good-looking, or successful a man is, he will always worry about saying something stupid to a woman and embarrassing himself. Men's powerful desire for women is matched by our equally powerful insecurities.
Women too often think men hold all the power in relationships, but the truth is that women hold enormous power. A woman has the power to invigorate a man or to crush him. Is it any wonder men are so self-protective and careful when it comes to choosing the women they will marry?
A woman who knows the power she possesses over a man can channel that power to win his mind and heart. Tap into that power and you've got the man.
Fact number 2
Men Appreciate Women Who Take the Initiative
Some women believe that men are threatened by assertive women, but the man who isyour equal will appreciate your taking the initiative. Don't just be chosen, choose. Men of character believe in a balance of power.
This is true even during that first encounter between a man and a woman. Men have an internal calibration system that measures whether or not we should approach a charming stranger. If you are interested, go ahead and tip the scale in your favor. You have the power, so use it. Once you understand how insecure men really are when it comes to women, it makes sense to use your power and signal your interest. Since men are such acute readers of women's body language, a look will often be enough to get him moving across the room in your direction. Men love women who show an interest in them. Isn't it human nature?
Fact number 3
Men Are Turned Off by Women Who Play Hard to Get
Men are suspicious of women who play hard to get. Flirting is fun; don't get us wrong. But being charmingly reserved is one thing and being downright manipulative is another. If a woman thinks a relationship would have worked out had she played harder to get, she is wrong. Relationships are formed and sustained by chemistry and hard work. To be sure, it's human nature to want what you can't have, and so posing a challenge might indeed make a man chase. But if there is no chemistry, no substance once the chase is over and the challenge conquered, the relationship is destined for failure anyway.
Many professional men don't have time for games and won't stand for them, and they may jump ship when they see games being played. A woman playing hard to get may not even be giving herself a fair chance to make it work with a great guy. Men don't want to risk being shot down by pursuing someone who appears unattainable. Just trying to meet and have a relationship with a woman is a challenge in itself. There is no need to play hard to get. Wouldn't a woman want to know sooner rather than later if the relationship was going to work out? Playing hard to get is a waste of time and prevents a man and a woman from getting to know each other.
Of course we're not suggesting you throw caution to the winds when you meet a new man: Just be real. A man will like you more if you are caring and sincere. Machiavellian manipulation tactics will get you nowhere.
Fact number 3
Men Will Take Advantage of Women Who Let Them
We are sorry to say that many, if not most, men will take advantage of those women who will let them. Women waste a lot of time in dead-end relationships when it is as plain as day that the guys are stringing them along. A man who is happy with the relationship as it is can linger forever maintaining the status quo. You must draw the line, because he won't. But we are pleased to say that men respect and respond to your boldness and self-respect. Give wake-up calls to men you believe may be playing games with you. If you suspect you are on a man's "good to have around until something better comes along" list, confront him. Men have less of a problem than women do in staying in "fun for now" relationships. He is perfectly content but needs to know if you are not. When asked point-blank what his intentions are, a man will be on his honor to tell the truth.
But he might soften his language to shield you from the blow. And in the pages that follow we'll clue you in to what statements like "I am not ready for commitment" really mean. We will also help you identify the physical, verbal, and emotional clues that tell you he thinks the relationship is on its last legs.
What Men Want. Copyright © by Bradley Gerstman. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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