What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce by Judith S. Wallerstein, Sandra Blakeslee, Sandrea Blakeslee, Sandra Blakeslee

From the Publisher

In the tradition of the best parenting guidebooks comes a new work by renowned child psychologist Judith S. Wallerstein on a subject that vexes millions of American moms and dads: How can you genuinely protect your children during and after divorce? Wallerstein answers this important question with knowledge gathered from thirty years of in-depth interviews with children of divorce and their parents. You'll learn what you should say and do for children at each age and stage of development. You'll discover the many ways that divorce will change your family in the years ahead. You'll understand the challenges of how to be an effective parent outside of marriage, how to choose the custody plan that is best for your child, what you need to know to create a healthy remarriage, and what to say to your children when they reach adulthood. Divorce is not a single event but a lifelong trajectory of changed circumstances that demand a different kind of parenting than we have ever known.

With compassion and wisdom, Wallerstein shows how to create a new kind of family. Her experience has educated her in the ways that work, and in the ways that don't. For the first time, she shares her deep understanding of raising children after divorce, and how you and they can make use of the second chance that divorce can provide.

Publishers Weekly

The founder and executive director for the Center for the Family in Transition, Wallerstein taught at UC Berkeley for more than 25 years, but is best known as the author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, which taught adult children of divorce how to recognize reactive divorce-based behavior patterns. Here with New York Times science writer Blakeslee, Wallerstein explicitly hopes to complement Dr. Spock and Dr. T. Berry Brazelton's child rearing how-tos by showing parents how to guide children through the dissolution of a marriage. She does an excellent job. After a chapter that advises parents to get their own heads straight before dealing with the kids ("I wish I could tell you that it's ok to lie down and pull the covers over your head, but that's not possible"), Wallerstein addresses the developmental problems that infants and toddlers might face and ways of easing them into differing options for care. She's forthright in talking about the reactions of older children ("Teenagers can be excellent manipulators. All of them do it, but children of divorce have much more to work with"), and talks about their needs with empathy, insight and rigor, but never loses sight of what parents need and feel, too. Chapters cover "The Breakup," "Parent to Parent" advice on custody and avoiding disputes, "The Post-Divorce Family," "Second Marriage" and "Conversations for a Lifetime," or talks that help kids not to be afraid of love and commitment. Addressing everything from parent-to-parent blame to the many forms of child-to-parent resentment, Wallerstein offers firm honesty and supportive encouragement. Divorcing parents will be grateful for it. (Mar. 12) Copyright 2003 Cahners Business Information.

Library Journal

In these books, the authors counsel adults about effective ways to help children deal with change and grief. Marta, founder of RAINBOWS, an international grief support organization for children, applies her techniques to kids who are dealing with several types of loss-the death of a parent, sibling, or friend; divorce; abandonment or placement in foster care; and local or national crisis. Drawing on her work with small groups, she aids her readers in understanding how children experience grief and sadness and offers suggestions for helping them deal with loss and build hope for the future. Also included are guidelines for talking to children and games to help them voice their emotions. Wallerstein (sociology, emerita, Berkeley) has been studying and writing about the effects of divorce on children for more than 25 years. Here, with the help of science writer Blakeslee, she distills her groundbreaking research from The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (2000) into digestible guidelines for parents. Divided into five parts, the book addresses handling the breakup, dealing with the coparent, examining the family several years after divorce, learning to cope with second families and dating parents, and, finally, assisting children in learning from the parents' divorce so that they may seek healthy relationships as they become young adults. Wallerstein emphasizes the need for continuous dialog with children appropriate to their age; she also stresses that parents must acknowledge the divorce throughout the child's lifetime, making changes in conversation and habits as the children age. Though their subjects and intended audiences are somewhat different, both guides offer complementary advice on helping children deal with the ongoing emotional impact of a loss. Both are recommended for all public libraries, though those owning The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce need not purchase Wallerstein's unless they have strong parenting collections.-Kay Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills, MD Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

Product Details

• ISBN: 0641920075
  
• ISBN-13: 9780641920073
• Format: Hardcover, 400pp
• Publisher: Hyperion
• Pub. Date: March 2003
• Edition Description: Bargain
• Sales Rank: 16,948

• Table of Contents

Table of Contents