Too Nice for Your Own Good: How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes by Duke Robinson

From the Publisher

Renowned minister Duke Robinson says that while well-meaning, considerate behavior is essential to a humane society, it carries a down side. In being nice, we consistently behave in self-defeating ways. We take on too much, strive to be perfect, tell little lies, try to rescue self-destructive friends, and fall prey to other futile behaviors. In this book, Robinson outlines the nine unconscious mistakes nice people make on a daily basis. He also shows how to stop these negative patterns dead in their tracks and replace them with life-affirming ones. Learn how to say "no" and save yourself from overload and burnout, be nice and honest at the same time, tell others what you want from them and actually receive it, express anger in ways that heal and maintain your valued relationships, respond effectively when people irrationally criticize or attack you, accept imperfection in yourself and others, and liberate your true self, stop rescuing self-destructive loved ones so they can save themselves, empathize and provide helpful information rather than give advice all the time, and effectively support people you care about who are grieving. Good Intentions will empower you to relieve your frustrations, be direct and effective in relationships, get what you want and deserve out of life - and still be a nice person.

Publishers Weekly

As pastor of Montclair Presbyterian Church of Oakland, Calif., Robinson has counseled many people facing problems created directly by their efforts to be nice. He himself has suffered from trying too hard to be too much to too many, and has learned from personal as well as professional experience to identify the most common pitfalls of "self-defeating" niceness, and the most helpful changes to overcome them. The nine "mistakes" nice people make are, Robinson says: trying to be perfect, taking on too much, not saying what they want, suppressing anger, reasoning with irrationality, telling little lies, giving advice, rescuing others and protecting those in grief. Robinson explains the motivations behind these activities and gives practical advice on how to set boundaries, maintain healthy balance, assert oneself and "still be a nice person." Avoiding overt religious language, he undergirds his message by encouraging people to "accept your acceptance" by "the love that drives the universe." Only then, he concludes, can they overcome the "desperate need to be accepted," which leads them into the nine mistakes. In a kind and loving way, Robinson offers just the push many people need to begin to set practical limits and to practice healthy self-assertiveness. (July)

Library Journal

As a minister and guest radio and TV lecturer based in California, Robinson regularly reaches an audience of three million people. Here he seeks to counsel those who find that they often make mistakes while acting from the best of intentions. He asserts that people who set out to be "good" often sabotage themselves and their own happiness by taking on too much, suppressing anger, telling lies, as well as six other mistakes. Robinson helps the reader to identify and overcome these foibles, noting that change may be a long, painful process. His eloquent message is addressed to all who are striving to live good lives. Very similar to Louise Hay's spiritual teachings and offering an upbeat and honest message, this work belongs in all counseling and public libraries.Lisa S. Wise, Broome Cty. P.L., Binghamton, N.Y.

Product Details

• ISBN: 0446673862
  
• ISBN-13: 9780446673860
• Format: Paperback, 288pp
• Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
• Pub. Date: November 2000
• Edition Description: Reprint
• Sales Rank: 98,488

• Table of Contents

Table of Contents