Not Tonight Honey: Wait till I'm a Size 6 by Susan Reinhardt

From the Publisher

"Not Tonight, Honey Wait Til I'm a Size 6" is the book people are talking about. Syndicated Gannett News Services columnist Susan Reinhardt takes every topic on men's and women's minds and blows them wide open with a never-before-seen candor. The humor is explosive. Topics range from bodies that have gone to pot, to grandmothers taking up smoking at age 80 and hiding lit cigarettes in bras and aprons. Once, the author had to "marry" her best friend when the minister (also the bride's yard man) blew a gasket in his colostomy bag.

Reinhardt's stories are often compared to that of a female David Sedaris or a married and middle-aged Bridget Jones. She is Erma Bombeck if Erma had Chef Emeril kicking it up a notch! People say they've never read funnier, but the poignant stories she tells pull a few tears.

From the Author
I wrote this book because people need to laugh. If it weren't for the odd things in life, the every day that can turn hilarious if viewed in the right frame of mind, most of us might as well stay in bed with popcorn, Lifetime and QVC.

I needed to bring the humorous to the surface because there are too many Eeyores and sad sacks in this world and I love those who love to laugh. Power is laughter. Humor heals.

I held nothing back. My mother, one of the more eccentric characters in the book, said she wasn't letting her Baptist church friends know about the book. But finally, she's relenting. One Baptist at a time.

I sure hope you enjoy reading these wild but heart-infused stories as much as I enjoyed writing them. It isn't easy being married, nearly middle-aged, and watching my skin sag and teats fall to my knees. But it sure helps to write about it, and laugh so hard the tears salt the face.

Like an edgier, naughtier Erma Bombeck, award-winning columnist Susan Reinhardt has made die-hard fans of fellow writers and newspaper readers across the country with her wickedly skewed reports from the trenches of American family life.

Booklist

Newspaper columnist Reinhardt has put together a collection of anecdotes and tales that ranges from side splitting to achingly poignant. She's like a modern-day, southern-fried Erma Bombeck or Dave Barry, and her tales of the ordinary will resonate with women everywhere. Meet her husband, Tidy Stu, who won't let her have bed skirts or load the dishwasher; her grandmother, who insists she doesn't smoke as she hides the lit evidence in her apron pockets; and her mother, a true southern lady and "double virgin." Laugh as Susan, determined to get her children a dog despite Tidy Stu's objections, purchases a nursing dachshund in a parking lot; hold back the tears as her mother comforts her through a miscarriage and as she leaves her son on his first day of school. Readers of all stripes will find themselves relating to Susan and thoroughly enjoying these, by turns, raunchy and tear-inducing real-life stories.

Publishers Weekly

Reinhardt slips Zoloft into her husband's tea for several weeks to cure him of an incessant need to clean and an overactive libido. She is matron of honor at her best friend's wedding-and ends up taking the minister's place when his colostomy bag malfunctions. She gives an interview while on bed rest due to irritable uterus syndrome and later winds up reading a headline on her "grumpy vagina." Obviously, syndicated newspaper columnist Reinhardt is the kind of woman who gets into endless scrapes, but she's as amused by them as readers are, and her book will appeal to lovers of the Sweet Potato Queens and Fanny Flagg. But there's another side to Reinhardt. Some of the essays in this collection are lyrical even as they pay tribute to old favorites: Southern women, pregnancy and motherhood. Most of all, the author knows that some days we, like her, come into work just to see what the "weirdos" are up to, and that we like the same thing in our nonfiction. And while her topics are sometimes predictable and her humor is sometimes crass, her heart is always in the right place, and her prose is often fresh and fun. Agent, Ethan Ellenberg. (May) Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.

What People Are Saying

Cheryl McClary
"A dazzling work..."
—author of the Amazon bestselling "The Commitment Chronicles"

Jill Conner Browne
"Surgical patients should forgo reading this book until all sutures are completely healed."
—The Sweet Potato Queen

Ronda Rich
"Hilarious, captivating...no one is more accomplished at the fine art of Southern storytelling than Susan Reinhardt."
—best-selling author of "What Southern Women Know..."

Celia Rivenbark
"Funny, wise and warm...from sidesplitting to achingly tender."
—author of "We're Just Like You Only Prettier."

Laurie Notaro
"Susan Reinhardt takes the naked, honest truth and sets it on fire in a blaze of laughter."
—best-selling author of "Idiot Girls" and "We Thought You'd Be Prettier."

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