Not Becoming My Mother: And Other Things She Taught Me Along the Way by Ruth Reichl

The Barnes & Noble Review

Am I imagining it, or does Ruth Reichl’s mother resemble Betty Friedan? In the photograph on the cover of this slender, touching portrait, Miriam Reichl appears to have the same heavy-lidded eyes and prominent nose as the feminist icon. But the comparison may have occurred to me because Miriam's disappointing life evokes Friedan’s landmark work, The Feminine Mystique: "As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay beside her husband at night," wrote Friedan, “she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question -- Is this all?” Reichl's book -- which grew out of an arresting award-acceptance speech in which she credited her mother as “a great example of everything I didn’t want to be” -- attempts to trace how far Miriam's life really reflected Friedan's portrait. She employs a treasure trove of letters and musings that Miriam had scribbled on scrap paper throughout her life and preserved in a box. Much of what her daughter found was surely painful to read: Miriam's ambitions to be a doctor were thwarted by controlling parents, who were obsessed with marrying off the daughter they thought of as "homely." The lessons Reichl draws from her mother’s misery -- among them that a worklife is "the key to happiness" -- cut right to the heart of the thorny conflicts that have vexed modern feminism. More and more educated mothers defend their decision to stay home, while working-class women have long had no choice but to occupy jobs that could hardly be called "the key to happiness." But this short, powerful book offers an up-close look at an experience common to many women of Miriam's generation, and it is as brave for Reichl to get to know this new mother as it is heartbreaking that she didn’t do so until years after her death. --Barbara Spindel

From the Publisher

Unabridged CDs, 2 CDs, 2 hours

Read by the author

Bestselling author Ruth Reichl examines her mother's life, giving voice to the universal unarticulated truth that we are grateful not to be our mothers.

Publishers Weekly

Reichl combs through her dead mother's diaries and correspondence, trying to understand the woman she remembered as bitterly unhappy. She realizes how stifling were the expectations on 1950s housewives and how her mother blamed her depression on her inability to seek meaningful work outside the home. The revelations are fascinating, but Reichl's effort would have been better served by a professional narrator. While her deep, slightly hoarse voice conveys emotion sufficiently, she is an awkward reader, prone to loading her sentences with wooden emphasis and reaching for amateurish dramatic effect. Readers are likely to be struck by her ability to see her mother so clearly and without sentimentality, but they won't lose themselves in the reading. A Penguin Press hardcover (Reviews, Mar. 9). (Apr.)

Library Journal

Restaurant critic Reichl (www.ruthreichl.com), whose three previous memoirs—Tender at the Bone (1998), Comfort Me with Apples (2001), and Garlic and Sapphires (2005)—were all best sellers, here stitches together the account of her mother's unhappy life from letters and notes she discovered after her mother's death. This brief but poignant title underscores the plight of intelligent women forced by societal expectations into leading unfulfilled lives. Although not a trained narrator, Reichl reads with knowing authority. Mothers and daughters interested in learning more about the restrictions placed on women during the mid-20th century as well as appreciators of Reichl's previous books should also enjoy this one. [Audio clip available through us.penguingroup.com; the Penguin Pr. hc, a New York Times best seller, received a starred review, Xpress Reviews, LJ 4/24/09.—Ed.]—Nancy R. Ives, SUNY at Geneseo

Product Details