Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion by John Gray

From the Publisher

The author of the phenomenal # 1 New York Times bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, John Gray has helped millions of men and women achieve lasting love and happiness. Now he turns his wisdom and expertise to one of the most sensitive and essential issues in a relationship: sex. In Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, he explains how we can use advanced relationship skills to keep the fires of passion burning and achieve much greater intimacy.

Romance can thrive when we accept that men and women have very different, yet complementary, emotional and physical needs. Dr. Gray shows us how we can make small but important adjustments in our attitudes, schedules, and techniques so that both partners are happy in the bedroom — and in the relationship. From learning advanced skills for greater sex to achieving greater confidence in the bedroom, discovering the joy of quickies to rekindling the passion and keeping romance alive, John Gray has the answers for you.

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Chapter One

One of the special rewards for learning and applying advanced bedroom skills is that sex gets better and better. Like a fabulous vacation after working hard, or a sensual walk through the forest on a sunny spring day, or the exhilaration of climbing to the top of a mountain, great sex is not just a reward but something that can rejuvenate the body, mind, and soul. It brightens our days and strengthens our relationship in the most basic ways.

A great sex life is not just the symptom of a passionate relationship, but is also a major factor in creating it. Great sex fills our hearts with love and can fulfill almost all our emotional needs. Loving sex, passionate sex, sensual sex, long sex, short sex, quick sex, gourmet sex, playful sex, tender sex, soft sex, hard sex, romantic sex, goal-oriented sex, erotic sex, simple sex, cool sex, and hot sex are all an important part of keeping the passion of love alive.

Great Sex for Women

Great Sex for Men

Great sex releases a man from all his frustrations and allows him to rekindle his passion and commitment to the relationship. In a most immediate way, he experiences the results of his efforts. Her fulfillment is his ultimate quest and victory. Her warm responsiveness excites, electrifies, and awakens the deepest fibers of his masculine being. Heaven's gates are opened, and he has arrived! Through her fulfillment, he feels he has made his mark and his love is appreciated. His sometimes hidden but allconsuming and ever-present desire to love and be loved is both felt and satisfied as he returns to his world yet remains deep within her.

Great Sex for the Relationship

Great sex reminds both men and women of the tender and highest love that originally drew them together. The alchemy of great sex generates the chemicals in the brain and body that allow the fullest enjoyment of one's partner. It increases our attraction to each other, stimulates greater energy, and even promotes better health.* It leaves us not only with the sparkle of youthful vitality, but with a heightened sense of beauty, wonder, and appreciation not only for each other, but for the world around us. Great sex is God's special gift to those who work hard to make love a priority in their lives.

The one major characteristic that makes a marriage more than just a loving friendship is sex. Sex directly nurtures our male and female sides more than any other activity a couple can share. Great sex is soothing to a woman and helps keep her in touch with her feminine side, while it strengthens a man and keeps him in touch with his masculine side. Sex has a tremendous power to bring us closer or push us apart.

To create great sex, it is not enough for men or women to follow their ancient instincts. As times have changed, the quality of sex has become much more important. Our mothers couldn't tell us and our fathers didn't know the secrets of great sex. Just as the skills for relating and communicating have changed, so also have the skills for sex. To fulfill our partners in bed, new skills are required.

Without a clear understanding of our different requirements in sex, after a few years -- sometimes only months -- sex be comes routine and mechanical. By making a few but significant shifts, we can completely overcome this pattern.

Women Love Great Sex

Great sex requires a positive attitude about sex. For a man to continue feeling attracted to his partner, he needs to feel that she likes sex as much as he does. Quite often a man will feel defeated in sex because he mistakenly gets the message that his partner is not as interested in it. Without a deeper understanding of how we are wired differently for sex, it is very easy to feel discouraged.

Women love great sex as much as men. The difference between a woman and a man is that she doesn't feel her strong desire for sex unless her need for love is first satisfied. Most important, she first needs to feel loved and special to a man. When her heart is opened in this way, her sexual center begins to open, and she feels a longing equal to or greater than what any man feels. To her, love is much more important than sex, but as the need for love is fulfilled, the importance of sex dramatically increases.

Even if a woman doesn't feel loved but feels the possibility of being loved, she can begin to feel her deep desires for sex. Generally speaking, however, a man needs only the opportunity and the place to become aroused. In the beginning of a relationship, sexual arousal is much more automatic and quick for a man.

Different Chemistry

This difference is reflected physiologically. The hormones in a man's body that are responsible for arousal quickly build up and then are quickly released after orgasm. For a woman, the pleasure builds up much more slowly and remains long after orgasm.