Mama Rock's Rules: Ten Lessons for Raising a Houseful of Successful Children by Rose Rock, Valerie Graham

From Barnes & Noble

Rose rocks are the official state rocks of Oklahoma, but they (pardon the mixed metaphor) can't hold a candle to super-mother Rose Rock. Best known as the "you don't curse in my home" mom of comedian Chris Rock, Rose deserves recognition as a longtime teacher, a mother of 10, and a foster mother of 17. In Mama Rock's Rules, she lays out tough-love guidelines for raising your own brood, big or small. Entertaining and instructive.

From the Publisher

"To be a parent is and should be a calling. There is absolutely nothing as great, challenging, or rewarding as raising a child." So says Über-mom Rose Rock, who has raised 10 children in addition to caring for 17 foster children in her 40-plus years as a mother.

As a mother who does not shy away from the hard conversations, Rose isn't afraid to present strong ideas about boundaries, discipline, choices, and consequences—and she tells it like it is. In Mama Rock's Rules, Rose shares the funny and highly practical lessons she learned both as a parent and an educator, while offering strategies for teaching a child to be self-reliant in this world.

Written with a kicky blend of maternal spirituality and a "don't mess with me or you won't get old" sense of authority, the book spotlights 10 vital rules, each tackling a specific parenting issue. From "I Am Your Mama, Not Your Friend," which helps parents regain their authority and establish respectful relationships with their children, to "Don't Lie Down with Anything You Don't Want to Live with Forever," which takes a different approach to the often tricky conversation about sex, each topic is lovingly explained and bolstered by stories from Rose Rock's own childhood and parenting experiences. We will also hear from her own kids, as they share memories and anecdotes about what it was like to grow up in the Rock household.

Rose's heartfelt and no-nonsense advice—delivered with a dose of wit and homespun humor—will resonate with thousands of parents and will inspire them to teach their kids right, whether their brood is one child or ten.

Product Details

• Table of Contents
• Read a Sample Chapter

Table of Contents

Read a Sample Chapter

Chapter One

I Am Your Mama, Not Your Friend

I never felt the need to be friends with my children—not when they were eight or ten. Not even when they were sixteen years old. My kids had their own friends and I had mine. I never set out to win any popularity contests on the home front. Like my mother, I know my kids don't have to like me—neither do yours.

My mother's overall message was a good one; I finally understand it: being a parent is not about being right, it's about doing right. It's about serving as a steadfast role model for your children, no matter what. Children really do look to adults for examples and guidance (you just never meet a teenager who would admit it).

Here's a secret: I didn't even like my mother until I was forty years old. Did I love her? Yes. I also respected her. Sure, when I was growing up I resented her when she was right about things—and, believe me, she always was.

Be honest. When you first had your baby were you torn between being a parent and a friend to the child? In my world, there is no decision to make. It was made when you had your child. As a parent, you are responsible for your child's mental, emotional, and spiritual growth. Your friends don't ask you to be accountable for them in the same way, do they?

After all, I don't tell my friends what to do or punish them if they don't keep a promise to me (ok, I usually act kind of cool toward them for awhile, but you know what I mean). I don't make rules for them and certainly never enforce any. My friends also don'texpect me to provide their security or be their protector.

You ask me: Mama Rock, can't I be both a parent and a friend to my children? Listen, when parents say they want to be friends with a child it is usually about pleasing the child; after all, no one likes friction. Every parent must have the courage to be in charge and to say no. You can have fun with your kids just like you can with a friend—we had plenty of fun—but you can't be afraid to enforce the rules because you might lose your child's affection. As parents, we have to protect our children. That is a job for a parent—not a friend.

Draw the Line to Win Respect

Just as I talk differently to my children than I would to my friends, I expect my children to talk differently to me than they would to their friends. Once, when Andi was a teenager, we were together in the car having a funny, girl conversation about boys. I don't remember what I said, but suddenly she blurted out, "You lie, that's just a lie!" I felt like throwing her out of the car. Then I realized I had allowed that moment. I had to quietly remind her I was not her girlfriend; there were certain things she was not allowed to say to me, ever.

I think there are topics (like girl talk) where you can be friendly or joke around without having to be a stern parent. But, at no time should you let your children think they can disrespect you or treat you like a buddy. It's never OK for your child to disrespect you in any way, at any time, for any reason. They need to know that up front. We've all seen those crazy mothers on Maury or Jerry Springer. You know, the ones who complain how their children—even ten-year-olds—talk back to them. I want to shout to the TV screen: "Hey lady, you are the parent, you need to draw the line and get some respect for yourself."

The message to children is this: you cannot live in my house, spend my money, and disrespect me. It is that simple. I don't hand out freebies. Brian remembers one time when he was angry with me for not allowing him to go somewhere with a friend. He started to yell at me. I said to him: "Where is your child you are yelling at? I don't see any child, I just see your Mama being yelled at, and you are in some big trouble."

Start Early to Stay Strong

So how to start being a good, strong parent? First and foremost, establish a hierarchy about who is in charge in your family. It's really quite simple:

Rule #1: I am the Parent. I make the rules.
Rule #2: You are the child. You follow the rules.
Rule #3: Any problems, refer to Rule #1.

The whole thing with rules is this: it's all about responsibility. When you make guidelines, it makes life easier, it manages expectations. Don't wait! Start early and start them young.

What happens if you don't? Well, have you ever seen parents who allow a toddler to hit them in the face because they think it's so cute? Later, when the child is five or six and hits them in front of others, they are embarrassed. What if the kid keeps on punching when he or she is older? Think about that. Negative behavior like that means the parents started the rules too late (or not at all). Listen up: if you don't stop those things early, you will be scared of your own child in your own house.

Think about it this way: approach child rearing like you would if you had a flat tire on your car. As soon as you feel the first jolt of the flat, you stop and change it, right? If you try and drive to the nearest station (even if it's only a few blocks away) the tire will be damaged and the rim will be bent out of shape. The same holds true when you raise a child. Stop and regroup at the first blowout. Provide a powerful, initial action or consequence when the offensive behavior first occurs so you won't end up bent out of shape.