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The birth of Jesus has been well chronicled, as have his glorious teachings, acts, and divine sacrifice after his thirtieth birthday. But no one knows about the early life of the Son of God, the missing years except Biff, the Messiah's best bud, who has been resurrected to tell the story in the divinely hilarious yet heartfelt work "reminiscent of Vonnegut and Douglas Adams" (Philadelphia Inquirer).
Verily, the story Biff has to tell is a miraculous one, filled with remarkable journeys, magic, healings, kung fu, corpse reanimations, demons, and hot babes. Even the considerable wiles and devotion of the Savior's pal may not be enough to divert Joshua from his tragic destiny. But there's no one who loves Josh more except maybe "Maggie," Mary of Magdala and Biff isn't about to let his extraordinary pal suffer and ascend without a fight.
A childhood pal of the savior is brought back from the dead to fill in the missing 30-year "gap" in the Gospels in Moore's latest, an over-the-top festival of sophomoric humor that stretches a very thin though entertaining conceit far past the breaking point. The action starts in modern America, specifically in a room at the Hyatt in St. Louis, where the angel who shepherds "Levi who is called Biff" has to put Christ's outrageous sidekick under de facto house arrest to get him to complete his task. Moore (Bloodsucking Fiends) gets style points for his wild imagination as Biff recalls his journey with Jesus dubbed Joshua here according to the Greek translation into and out of the clutches of Balthasar, then into a Buddhist monastery in China and finally off to India, where they dabble in the spiritual and erotic aspects of Hinduism. The author gets more serious in his climax, offering a relatively straightforward, heartfelt account of the Passion and Christ's final days that includes an intriguing spin on how the Resurrection might have happened. The Buddhist and Hindu subplots seem designed to point out the absurdity and excesses of religious customs, but none of the characters are especially memorable, and eventually both plot and characters give way to Biff's nightclub patter. As imaginative as some of this material is, the sacrilegious aspects are far less offensive than Moore's inability to rein in his relentless desire to titillate, and his penchant for ribald, frat-boy humor becomes more annoying as the book progresses. Moore has tapped into organized religion for laughs before, but this isn't one of his better efforts. Agent, Nick Ellison. Author tour. (Mar.) Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information.
More Reviews and RecommendationsWith a body of work that boasts some of the most outlandish plots and outrageous characters ever to make it onto the printed page, Christopher Moore is rapidly making a name for himself as the clown prince of contemporary fiction. It may be a dirty job, but Moore is more than up to the task.
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June 08, 2009: I loved this book so much that I purchased several copies as Christmas gifts last December. I don't think I've ever read a more endearing account of the young Jesus. Not only is it laugh-out-loud hilarious; it's also a sweet and, in it's odd way, a quite believable account if only in spirit and not substance. Biff's fierce devotion to Joshua and his complete derision for the angel Raziel makes for a completely new approach to a story we're all familiar with. I've heard some suggest this book is sacreligious but I think it's one of the most sweetly written and "Christian" stories I've ever come across.
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June 06, 2009: If your view of religion was offended by "The DaVinci Code" do NOT read this book. Christopher Moore gives us a different view of how things happened through the eyes of Jesus' best friend Biff and what happened during the lost years from Jesus' childhood til he appeared on the scene at age 33. This book had me rolling with laughter! I even gave it to my daughter, my husband, and anyone who wants to read it. It was a hoot!
Name:
Christopher Moore
Current Home:
Hawaii and San Francisco, California
Date of Birth:
August 05, 1958
Place of Birth:
Toledo, Ohio
Awards:
Quill Award, Science Fiction/Fantasy/Horror Book of the Year, for The Stupidest Angel, 2005 and A Dirty Job, 2006
A 100-year-old ex-seminarian and a demon set off together on a psychotic road trip...
Christ's wisecracking childhood pal is brought back from the dead to chronicle the Messiah's "missing years"...
A mild-mannered thrift shop owner takes a job harvesting souls for the Grim Reaper...
Whence come these wonderfully weird scenarios? From the fertile imagination of Christopher Moore, a cheerfully demented writer whose absurdist fiction has earned him comparisons to master satirists like Kurt Vonnegut, Terry Pratchett, and Douglas Adams.
Ever since his ingenious debut, 1992's Practical Demonkeeping, Moore has attracted an avid cult following. But, over the years, as his stories have become more multi-dimensional and his characters more morally complex, his fan base has expanded to include legions of enthusiastic general readers and appreciative critics.
Asked where his colorful characters come from, Moore points to his checkered job resume. Before becoming a writer, he worked at various times as a grocery clerk, an insurance broker, a waiter, a roofer, a photographer, and a DJ -- experiences he has mined for a veritable rogue's gallery of unforgettable fictional creations. Moreover, to the delight of hardcore fans, characters from one novel often resurface in another. For example, the lovesick teen vampires introduced in 1995's Bloodsucking Fiends are revived (literally) for the 2007 sequel You Suck -- which also incorporates plot points from 2006's A Dirty Job.
For a writer of satirical fantasy, Moore is a surprisingly scrupulous researcher. In pursuit of realistic details to ground his fiction, he has been known to immerse himself in marine biology, death rituals, Biblical scholarship, and Goth culture. He has been dubbed "the thinking man's Dave Barry" by none other than The Onion, a publication with a particular appreciation of smart humor.
As for story ideas, Moore elaborates on his website: "Usually [they come] from something I read. It could be a single sentence in a magazine article that kicks off a whole book. Ideas are cheap and easy. Telling a good story once you get an idea is hard." Perhaps. But, to judge from his continued presence on the bestseller lists, Chris Moore appears to have mastered the art.
In researching his wild tales, Moore has done everything from taking excursions to the South Pacific to diving with whales. So what is left for the author to tackle? He says he'd like to try riding an elephant.
One of the most memorably weird moments in Moore's body of work is no fictional invention. The scene in Bloodsucking Fiendswhere the late-night crew of a grocery store bowls with frozen turkeys is based on Moore's own experiences bowling with frozen turkeys while working the late shift at a grocery store.
What was the book that most influenced your life or your career as a writer?
Cannery Row by John Steinbeck. In Cannery Row, Steinbeck writes about very flawed people, but with great affection, and by doing so, shows us that it is our flaws that make us human, and that is what we share, that is our humanity. A friend of mine used to say, "He writes with the voice of a benevolent God." In the process, the book is also very funny. I think I saw that as a model, as a guide. I'd always written humor that was fairly edgy, but here was a guy writing with great power and gentle humor. I was moved and inspired.
What are your ten favorite books, and what makes them special to you?
What are some of your favorite films, and what makes them unforgettable to you?
What types of music do you like? Is there any particular kind you like to listen to when you're writing?
I like rock 'n' roll, the Stones, Springsteen, U2, Foo Fighters, as well as singer-songwriters like Sheryl Crow, Aimee Mann, and John Hiatt, but I don't listen to any of those when I'm writing. When I'm writing I listen to acid jazz or ambient groove or chill music, stuff with a steady, jazzy beat, but no words. Bands like Baby Mammoth, Fila Brasilia, and Afterlife -- usually on Groove Salad, an Internet radio station. Sometimes I'll put on Gershwin or Bach if the mood strikes: I like Rhapsody in Blue and the Brandenburg Concerto No. 3. Seems like stuff should be happening when those songs are playing.
If you had a book club, what would it be reading?
Sailing Around the Room Alone by Billy Collins. It's a collection of poetry, spare and elegant and very, very funny. He catches the spirit of a moment as well as any Japanese haiku poet, yet he has a great sense of silliness and irony. Someone nearly forced me to read this book, putting it in my hand, physically, again and again, and I'm forever grateful. When I needed to think about Death and the importance of the moments of our lives and how to express them, Billy Collins inspires me.
What are your favorite kinds of books to give -- and get -- as gifts?
I like getting art and photography books as gifts, because I normally wouldn't buy them for myself. I also like it when someone gives me a hardcover of a book I really love. Something to keep. It doesn't have to be a first edition or anything, just something I can read over and over again. On some occasions, I've been given books I completely didn't want, like Billy Collins, or Steve Kluger's The Last Days of Summer, only to be completely surprised and delighted.
Do you have any special writing rituals? For example, what do you have on your desk when you're writing?
Everything, including my feet. Really. Right now I'm sitting in the middle of a nest of chaos. I have a big, L-shaped desk, and there's not a free inch of it. It would take two pages to list all the crap on my desk. (I know -- I've tried it.) Consistently, there's always a cup a coffee and a bottle of water there.
Many writers are hardly "overnight success" stories. How long did it take for you to get where you are today? Any rejection-slip horror stories or inspirational anecdotes?
I've been writing professionally for about 15 years now, and I make a pretty good living, which is, I suppose, what you're going for when you start this journey. When I was 16 I decided I wanted to write for a living, but since I didn't really believe I could make enough to live on, I went to college for photography. I got sidetracked for a few years, and then when I was 25 or so, I went to a writer's conference where people said that I was pretty good, that I ought to give it a whirl.
I started getting serious right about then, and I quit my job as an insurance broker and moved to a town where it was cheaper to live and I could do work that didn't take much of my mental energy. I waited tables and such. It was eight years before I sold my first book. I didn't really go through a huge gauntlet of rejections. The challenge for me was developing the discipline to actually finish a book. After I finished my first book, it took about eleven months to sell it, but it didn't feel as if I was struggling. The writing was the hard part.
What tips or advice do you have for writers still looking to be discovered?
Do the work and keep doing the work. Send it out and keep sending it out. If you're writing stories that interest you and challenge you, then they will probably interest and challenge someone else, and the bottom line is, you'll get some satisfaction out of doing the work as well as getting the rewards for it. I don't think I had any success at writing until I gave up worry about being a success and just tried to write stories that I'd like to read.
Getting a Life
When you write books for a living, it doesn't take long to realize that if you don't do something, you're going to spend the bulk of your life in a room, alone, making clicky noises on a keyboard. I think I realized that early on, so I try to pick the subjects of my books so every other one gets me out there doing something. For Island of the Sequined Love Nun, I went to a small island in Micronesia and lived with the natives. (Way overrated, by the way, that "life on a tropical island." Chairs and hot showers are your friends.)
My next book, The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove, would be set in the town I was living in, but I got to do research on psycho-pharmaceuticals, and since most of my friends were on anti-depressants, I got to go out to lunch with them a lot and ask them personal questions. The next book would be Lamb, which took me to Israel, and the first century, but most of the research was academic, so the next project was Fluke, where I lived around and worked with marine mammal biologists for two seasons in Maui. That was an amazing experience that actually culminated in being able to get in the water with singing humpbacks.
So life kind of oscillates for me, from my office to the outside world, and the great thing is, now my readers write me and offer glimpses into their lives. Sometimes I take them up on it. When I needed to know how to steal a 747 for Island of the Sequined Love Nun, I contacted an airline pilot who loved my books. (It wasn't as sensitive back then as it is now.) There's always some cool thing to learn coming around the corner.
More Advice for Aspiring Writers
It's funny how new writers will always ask you how to get an agent, but they hardly ever ask anything about the craft. I've written ten books, I know a lot about the craft. I've only ever gotten an agent once, and that was fifteen years ago, by a complete luck. I don't know anything about getting an agent. I don't think people realize that getting published is sort of like being born -- if you get it right, you only have to do it once.
Philosophy
I pretty much believe that irony is the strongest force in the universe, and I think that someday, some scholar is going to be able to take all of my books and be able to prove that, by the clever application of mathematics, computer science, and advanced weaselocity.
Other Interests
I like to scuba dive and ocean kayak. I'm not particularly good at those things, but they put me in touch with the ocean and my own mortality pretty quickly (particularly because I'm not very good at them). That's always an inspiration, because after I survive getting slammed against some rocks by a ten-foot wave, or hurling through my regulator underwater and watching colorful tropical fish eating my lunch chunks, I really appreciate getting back to my desk. I'm thankful that people will pay to read stuff I make up and I don't have to actually do anything to make a living.
The birth of Jesus has been well chronicled, as have his glorious teachings, acts, and divine sacrifice after his thirtieth birthday. But no one knows about the early life of the Son of God, the missing years except Biff, the Messiah's best bud, who has been resurrected to tell the story in the divinely hilarious yet heartfelt work "reminiscent of Vonnegut and Douglas Adams" (Philadelphia Inquirer).
Verily, the story Biff has to tell is a miraculous one, filled with remarkable journeys, magic, healings, kung fu, corpse reanimations, demons, and hot babes. Even the considerable wiles and devotion of the Savior's pal may not be enough to divert Joshua from his tragic destiny. But there's no one who loves Josh more except maybe "Maggie," Mary of Magdala and Biff isn't about to let his extraordinary pal suffer and ascend without a fight.
A childhood pal of the savior is brought back from the dead to fill in the missing 30-year "gap" in the Gospels in Moore's latest, an over-the-top festival of sophomoric humor that stretches a very thin though entertaining conceit far past the breaking point. The action starts in modern America, specifically in a room at the Hyatt in St. Louis, where the angel who shepherds "Levi who is called Biff" has to put Christ's outrageous sidekick under de facto house arrest to get him to complete his task. Moore (Bloodsucking Fiends) gets style points for his wild imagination as Biff recalls his journey with Jesus dubbed Joshua here according to the Greek translation into and out of the clutches of Balthasar, then into a Buddhist monastery in China and finally off to India, where they dabble in the spiritual and erotic aspects of Hinduism. The author gets more serious in his climax, offering a relatively straightforward, heartfelt account of the Passion and Christ's final days that includes an intriguing spin on how the Resurrection might have happened. The Buddhist and Hindu subplots seem designed to point out the absurdity and excesses of religious customs, but none of the characters are especially memorable, and eventually both plot and characters give way to Biff's nightclub patter. As imaginative as some of this material is, the sacrilegious aspects are far less offensive than Moore's inability to rein in his relentless desire to titillate, and his penchant for ribald, frat-boy humor becomes more annoying as the book progresses. Moore has tapped into organized religion for laughs before, but this isn't one of his better efforts. Agent, Nick Ellison. Author tour. (Mar.) Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information.
Adult/High School-An angel has resurrected Levi bar Alpheus, known as Biff, to tell this story of his life with Joshua, better known to the modern world as Jesus Christ. As youths, they travel to the East in search of the wise men who gave gifts to Joshua at his birth, because the young man has a problem: he knows he's the Messiah, but he doesn't know what to do about it. Along the way, he and Biff come in contact with the spirituality of the East, along with a smattering of martial arts, strange poisons, abominable snowmen, and more. The story concludes with their return to Israel and Biff's own explanation of the events that make up the traditional gospel narrative. Readers who might be offended by the author's casual treatment of Christian themes may also take umbrage at his treatment of Judaism, Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, and much else. However, the author manages to share a variety of the world's spiritual insights while creating interesting and vivid characters. The style is smooth, drawing readers into the story seamlessly except for the need to laugh out loud every page or two. The humor is good-natured, despite the fact that Biff claims to be the inventor of a practice known as "sarcasm." In an excellent afterword, the author explains the choices he made in writing the novel, which will fascinate would-be writers, as well as provide a rebuttal for the book's likely critics.-Paul Brink, Fairfax County Public Library System, VA Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.
An audacious and irreverent novel about Jesus' childhood seen through the eyes of his best pal. Moore (Blood Sucking Fiends, 1995, etc.) has penned an amusing tale guaranteed deeply to offend all right-thinking Christians. The conceit is this: In 2001, Jesus decides that someone should write the missing gospel of his childhood, and he selects Levi-called Biff-the wisecracking companion and alter ego of his youth. Biff is resurrected and locked in a hotel suite in St. Louis with the angel Raziel, who is there to insure that he gets the writing job done. Raziel quickly becomes hooked on TV soaps, while Biff, grumbling, sets to work. Jesus' childhood, it turns out, was like that of most Jewish kids of his day (Moore offers much rich historical detail here), except he was the Messiah. This makes him sweet-natured and incapable of cruelty, lying, or sin, all of which puts him at a distinct disadvantage in a world that's violent and lustful. Enter Biff, the street-smart friend who protects Jesus from his own naivete, observes his early attempts at miracles (restoring lizards, etc.), helps him to understand sin (by fornicating with a harlot while explaining it to Jesus in the next stall), and much more. Mary Magdalene (Maggie) is on the scene, lusting after Jesus and lusted after by Biff. Though Jesus is pretty sure he is the Messiah, he is also, like any kid learning a trade, not sure what he should (and should not) do as Messiah. He sets out on a loopy and sometimes-hilarious quest to discover his destiny (and test his powers), while Biff, thoroughly cynical and amoral, accompanies him. The style is a bizarre mix of serious and sometimes brutal historical fiction laced with black humor,wordplay, in-jokes, and sharp one-liners worthy of a good stand-up comedian. Sometimes it all works well, and sometimes the jokes seem strained. Interesting, original, not for every taste.
Loading...Introduction
We know all about Christ's birth, and even more about Christ's death. But until he really started getting the word of God out there, there's little recorded information about his life. What do we really know about the Messiah's formative years? Enter Christopher Moore's Biff, resurrected by the angel Raziel and held captive in a New York City hotel room until he records a new gospel.
Lamb is the story of Biff writing his and his buddy Jesus Christ's (aka Joshua's) story; it's the hilarious inside scoop on the could-be origins of hundreds of tales we recognize from the Bible and from popular culture. While negotiating the terrors, curiosities, and conveniences of modern life, Biff transcribes the untold story of his and Josh's youth. He describes the escapades of the Son of God -- from his time as a stone-cutter's apprentice in Nazareth to his journeys to modern-day Afghanistan, China, and India in search of the magi who attended his birth; to his return to his homeland to gather his disciples and fulfill his destiny. Underlying it all is the story of his unconsummated love for an incomprehensibly beautiful woman named Mary the Magdalene.
Biff reveals the human side of the Son of God, and paints a vivid historical picture of what life might really have been like in Christ's time. Plus, it's really funny.
Topics for Discussion
About the author
Christopher Moore is the author of Fluke, Lamb, Practical Demonkeeping, Coyote Blue, Bloodsucking Fiends, Island of the Sequined Love Nun, and The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove.
You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't. Trust me, I was there. I know.
The first time I saw the man who would save the world he was sitting near the central well in Nazareth with a lizard hanging out of his mouth. Just the tail end and the hind legs were visible on the outside; the head and forelegs were halfway down the hatch. He was six, like me, and his beard had not come in fully, so he didn't look much like the pictures you've seen of him. His eyes were like dark honey, and they smiled at me out of a mop of blue-black curls that framed his face. There was a light older than Moses in those eyes.
"Unclean! Unclean!" I screamed, pointing at the boy, so my mother would see that I knew the law, but she ignored me, as did all the other mothers who were filling their jars at the well.
The boy took the lizard from his mouth and handed it to his younger brother, who sat beside him in the sand. The younger boy played with the lizard for a while, teasing it until it reared its little head as if to bite, then he picked up a rock and mashed the creature's head. Bewildered, he pushed the dead lizard around in the sand, and once assured that it wasn't going anywhere on its own, he picked it up and handed it back to his older brother.
Into his mouth went the lizard, and before I could accuse, out it came again, squirming and alive and ready to bite once again. He handed it back to his younger brother, who smote it mightily with the rock, starting or ending the whole process again.
I watched the lizard die threemore times before I said, "I want to do that too."
The Savior removed the lizard from his mouth and said, "Which part?"
by the way, his name was Joshua. Jesus is the Greek translation of the Hebrew Yeshua, which is Joshua. Christ is not a last name. It's the Greek for messiah, a Hebrew word meaning anointed. I have no idea what the "H" in Jesus H. Christ stood for. It's one of the things I should have asked him. Me? I am Levi who is called Biff. No middle initial. Joshua was my best friend.
The angel says I'm supposed to just sit down and write my story, forget about what I've seen in this world, but how am I to do that? In the last three days I have seen more people, more images, more wonders, than in all my thirty-three years of living, and the angel asks me to ignore them. Yes, I have been given the gift of tongues, so I see nothing without knowing the word for it, but what good does that do? Did it help in Jerusalem to know that it was a Mercedes that terrified me and sent me diving into a Dumpster? Moreover, after Raziel pulled me out and ripped my fingernails back as I struggled to stay hidden, did it help to know that it was a Boeing 747 that made me cower in a ball trying to rock away my own tears and shut out the noise and fire? Am I a little child, afraid of its own shadow, or did I spend twenty-seven years at the side of the Son of God?On the hill where he pulled me from the dust, the angel said, "You will see many strange things. Do not be afraid. You have a holy mission and I will protect you."
Smug bastard. Had I known what he would do to me I would have hit him again. Even now he lies on the bed across the room, watching pictures move on a screen, eating the sticky sweet called Snickers, while I scratch out my tale on this soft-as-silk paper that reads Hyatt Regency, St. Louis at the top. Words, words, words, a million million words circle in my head like hawks, waiting to dive onto the page to rend and tear the only two words I want to write.
Why me?
There were fifteen of us well, fourteen after I hung Judas so why me? Joshua always told me not to be afraid, for he would always be with me. Where are you, my friend? Why have you forsaken me? You wouldn't be afraid here. The towers and machines and the shine and stink of this world would not daunt you. Come now, I'll order a pizza from room service. You would like pizza. The servant who brings it is named Jesus. And he's not even a Jew. You always liked irony. Come, Joshua, the angel says you are yet with us, you can hold him down while I pound him, then we will rejoice in pizza.
Raziel has been looking at my writing and is insisting that I stop whining and get on with the story. Easy for him to say, he didn't just spend the last two thousand years buried in the dirt. Nevertheless, he won't let me order pizza until I finish a section, so here goes...
I was born in Galilee, the town of Nazareth, in the time of Herod the Great. My father, Alphaeus, was a stonemason and my mother, Naomi, was plagued by demons, or at least that's what I told everyone. Joshua seemed to think she was just difficult. My proper name, Levi, comes from the brother of Moses, the progenitor of the tribe of priests; my nickname, Biff, comes from our slang word for a smack upside the head, something that my mother said I required at least daily from an early age.
I grew up under Roman rule, although I didn't see many Romans until I was...
Lamb. Copyright © by Christopher Moore. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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