From the Publisher

Hey, you! The one holding the book. Have you ever seen a volume like this? Well, whether you realize it or not, it's the one you've been waiting for. Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary will teach you how to speak this unique Southern dialect fluently. Whether you're blue-collar or hoity-toity, swimming in cash or betting your bottom dollar, a little bit country or a lot of city slicker, this practical reference to redneck words and turns of phrases will give you hours of laughs.

So expand your horizons and learn another language with this fun, instructive, and hilariously illustrated book as your guide. After all, speaking redneck is a heck of a lot easier than speaking French!

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Read a Sample Chapter

Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary

Villard

Chapter One

Alas*ka (el-ask´-e), n. and v. to resolve to make an inquiry. "If I wanna know where to find a polar bear, Alaska guy who lives here."

al*lowed (e-lau?d´), adj. distinguished by an intense elevation of volume. "Did you just hear allowed noise?"

an*nu*ity (e-nu´-et-eŻ), n. and v. having forethought or intuition. "I couldn't hear him, but annuity was sayin'."

ap*par*ent (e-per´-ent), n. one who sires or gives birth to offspring. "It's obvious to me from lookin' at yer belly that yer gonna be apparent."

Ar*ma*ged*don (arm-e-ge´-din), n. and v. putting oneself in a position for action. "I tell ya, if it gets any crazier, Armageddon outta here."

ar*ma*ture (ar´-me-chu?r), v. and adj. displaying exceptional wisdom, experience, and/or age. "I know sometimes I acts like a kid but I really armature."

as*i*nine (as´-e-n?Żn), n. favorable praise of the hind end, to the positive ninth integer. "Man, I would give her face a two and her asinine."

as*par*a*gus (e-sper´-e-ges), n. ambivalence about having to install a replacement for an air-filled rubber wheel. "I got a flat, so I'm gonna have to put on asparagus."

as*pect (as´-pekt), n. and v. having one's backside assaulted by a sharp object. "He got done skinny-dippin', passed out on that deck chair, and had his aspect by a woodpecker."

asth*ma (az´-me), v. to make an inquiry to a person of familiar acquaintance. "I don't know if I can go or not. Lemme asthma wife."

at*om (at´-em), prep. and n. in the direction of something or someone. "Two deer jumped outta the woods and we just started shootin' atom."

at*tacks (e-taks´), n. a percentage of one's assets taken annually by a governing body. "If you let 'em, I swear the government would put attacks on the air."

av*e*nue (av´-e-nu), n. and v. to declare possession of something recently acquired. "Avenue address, but I don't remember it."

Bb ban*ner (ban´-er), v. and n. to prohibit a female person from a specific location. "Cody's grandma cusses so much, they're gonna banner from the Little League park."

bar*ri*er (ber´-eŻ-er), v. and n. to conceal or cover a female, usually under earth or debris. "She died while on vacation, so I think they decided to barrier on the beach."

bay*ou (b?Ż´-u), v. and n. to purchase for another. "I just walked right up to her and said, 'Hey darlin', lemme bayou a drink.'"

beer (bir´), v. to express one's desire to or remain at a specific location, usually during intoxication. "I'll beer till ten, then I gotta get home."

bee*tle (beŻ´-til), v. and conj. to exist for an unspecified amount of time. "How long do you think it's gonna beetle they figure out we're gone?"

be*lieve (beŻ-leŻv´), n. and v. a demand for the Bombus ruderatus to vacate the immediate vicinity. "Oh no! I'm allergic! Believe me alone!"

be*moan (beŻ-moŻn´), v. and adj. to declare possession by oneself. "I don't like takin' orders. That's why I gotta bemoan boss."

big*ots (big´-ets), adj. used to describe a large object in motion or action. "Man, Al's belly is so bigots draggin' on the floor."

bit*ter (bit´-er), v. and n. involving the closing of jaws, as done on a female. "She kept teasin' that dog till he finally bitter."

bob*ble (bab´-el), n. and v. the confident prediction for future action, to be effected by a person named Robert. "Don't worry, Marge. Bobble get us out of here."

bob*sled (babs´-led), n. and v. the act of guidance by a person named Robert. "I ain't no expert, but I think bobsled us down the wrong path."

bom*bar*dier (bamb´-e-dir), v. and n. to attack an Odocoileus virginianus with an explosive device. "When I'm huntin' I usually use my rifle, but sometimes I just take out dynamite and bombardier."

bro*ker (broŻk´-er), v. and adj. to have violently injured any thing or things belonging to a female. "My mom fell off a ladder and broker arm."

bud*get (bej´-et), v. and n. to transfer an object from one location to another. "Papaw was workin' on my car and it fell on his foot. I tried to pull it off, but I couldn't budget!"

bur*den (berd´-in), n. and prep. indicating the specific location of a flying creature. "A burden the hand is worth two in the bush."

but*ter*fly (bet-er-fl?Ż´), conj. and n. an exception concerning the opening in pants worn by a female. "I didn't mean to embarrass her, butterfly was open!"

Cc cab*i*net (kab´-en-it), n. used in reference to an event taking place within a vehicle employed for ferrying passengers. "When we were in New York, we got in a cabinet stunk!"

Cal*cut*ta (kal-ket´-e), n. and v. (usu. vulgar) the release of intestinal gas by a person named Calvin. "Well, far as I can tell, Calcutta fart and then somebody struck a match."

can*dy (kand´-eŻ), v. and n. negative verb for a male unable to act. "Why candy just ask you one simple question?"

can*o*py (kan-e-peŻ´), n. a metal vessel used for the containment of urine. "The dude never stops for bathroom breaks. That's why there's a canopy in his truck."

can*ta*loupe (kant´-e-loŻp), v. the expressed inability to marry in secret. "My daddy wants a traditional marriage, honey, so I cantaloupe."

can*ti*le*ver (kant´-e-leŻv-er), v. and n. to inquire about the possibilities for ending a relationship. "The preacher said till death do us part, but cantilever if she fools around on me?"

cap*i*tal (kap´-et-il), n. and v. regarding an action concerning the future of any covering used to close off a receptacle. "Careful with that bottle-if you don't put on that capital spill."

car*go (kar´-goŻ), n. and v. an automobile moving on a certain course, usually forward. "Can't you make this cargo any faster?"

cash*ier (kash´-ir), n. any medium for fiscal exchange, in a specific place. "I tried to pay by check, but the lady behind the register told me they only take cashier."

ca*si*no (kes-eŻ´-noŻ), conj. and v. a phrase concerning a gentleman with particular knowledge. "When I go to Vegas, I go with my buddy Roy, casino more about gamblin' than I do."

cas*trate (kast´-raŻt), n. a hardened plaster mold used for immobilizing a broken limb so that the bone will not heal crookedly. "They're gonna have to rebreak my arm 'cause they said the doctor didn't get the castrate the first time."

cat*e*go*ry (kat´-e-go?r-eŻ), n. and adj. a domesticated feline bleeding profusely from excessive trauma. "That guy hit Fluffy goin' fifty miles an hour and left that category mess."

cen*sure (sent´-sher), conj. and v. pertaining to an ongoing condition of the person addressed. "I'll have another drink, censure payin'."

chap*ter (chapt´-er), v. and adj. to have received epidermal roughening. "That wind chapter lips up pretty good."

chauf*feur (shoŻ´-fer), n. and prep. a reference to a performance. "There's nekkid girls inside, boys, and I can get you into the chauffeur just two dollars!"

clas*si*fied (klas´-ef-?Żd), n. and conj. pertaining to regret over a course at school. "I'd have gone to classified been smarter."

cof*fee (ko?f´-eŻ), v. and n. to explosively expel air from the lungs, as performed by a male. "My granddad's got a cold, and every time he tries to coffee wets his pants."

col*umn (kal´-em), v. and n. an imperative regarding electronic communication with a specific male. "Daddy likes you best, dude, so you column."

co*ma (koŻm´-e), v. to groom hair using a multitoothed tool. "When you're a barber you have to coma lot of ugly heads."

con*dom (kand´-em), v. and n. having purposefully swindled a gullible male for personal gain. "She condom into thinkin' she was on the pill."

con*vey*or (ken-va´-er), v. and adj. to transmit a nonpresent female's communications. "My wife couldn't be here, but she wanted me to conveyor sympathies."

cous*in (kez´-en), conj. for a reason, specifically relating to a particular place. "You can't sleep with your relatives, cousin the big city that's a crime."

cus*tom (kest´-em), v. and n. to have voiced vulgar language at a person or persons. "When them Jehovah's Witnesses came to our house, granddaddy done custom out."

cut*ter (ket´-er), v. and adj. to use a sharp instrument to separate one thing from another, as performed by a female. "If Sheila don't cutter toenails soon, I'm filin' for a divorce."

Dd de*bate (de-baŻt´), n. anything used to entice prey. "I don't wanna argue no more 'bout which worm we're gonna use for debate."

de*fense (di-fents´), n. a barrier bisecting a piece of land. "I told him to drive through da gate and the damn dummy drove through defense."

def*i*nite (def´-en-it), adj. and n. of or pertaining to a person who is hearing impaired. "My grandma's real definite affects the odds on her life expectancy."

de*lights (di-l?Żts´), n. electrical devices used for illumination. "Hey, stupid, turn out delights."

de*mo*graph*ic (dem-e-gra´-fik), n. and adj. referring to visually explicit material. "Demographic photos in that dirty magazine."

den*i*grate (den´-i-graŻt), adv. and adj. a reference to the ensuing occurrence of something large and/or wondrous. "First my stomach hurt, and denigrate wind came outta my rear end, and now I feel a whole lot better."

den*tal (dent´-el), n. and v. to do with the result of a crease or a depression in all types of metal plating. "Well, the good news is that little dental come out real easy."

de*scent (di-sent´), n. an olfactory emission. "The dogs lost descent right about here."

de*tail (di-taŻl´), n. an appendage extending from the buttocks, usually covered with hair. "Best way to catch a skunk is just to grab him by detail."

de*void (di-vo?id´), n. an absence of matter. "Devoid that woman left in my heart is as big as a truck."

di*et (d?Ż´-et), v. and n. to change the hue of something. "You know what you oughta do with your hair, Barb, is diet red."

di*gest (d?Ż´-jest), v. and adv. to expire, especially recently. "I don't know why Daddy had to digest three days after Mama."

di*men*sion (de-men´-shen), n. an instance of casually calling attention to something. "Just dimension of pork and beans makes me gassy."

di*rec*tion (de-rek´-shen), n. the engorgement of the male sex organ. "Doc, could you give my Hank here a sample of those little blue pills? Direction ain't what it used to be."

dis*co (dis´-koŻ), n. and v. referring to the intended or proper location of a specific thing; usually used with an inquiry. Query in operating room: "I put everything else back ... but now, where's disco?"

dis*gust*ed (di-skest´-id), v. and n. to have verbally considered or examined a specific subject. "Billy, your mother and I have disgusted, and we both think you're on steroids."

dis*may (dis-maŻ´), n. and v. something raised as a possibility. "Dismay come as a surprise, ma'am, but you're not pregnant."

dis*tress (dis-tres´), n. a skirted garment, especially of a full-figured person. "Does distress make my butt look fat?"

di*verse (de-vers´), n. a lyrical, nonrepeating stanza within a song. "I've got the chorus, but diverse is still givin' me trouble."

doc*tor (dakt´-er), v. and adj. to have applied to a female employee a punitive measure in which a percentage of her wages are garnisheed. "After my wife wrecked that forklift, they doctor pay for the next six months."

do*main (doŻ-maŻn´), v. to lack importance. "Don't let it bug you, man. It domain a thing."

dou*bloon (de-bloon´), n. any single object having a hue in the color spectrum between green and violet. "You can wear the brown hat or the green hat, but don't touch doubloon."

drag*on (dra´-gen), v. being brought into, usually by force. "Don't be dragon me into your argument."

Ee ear (ir´), v. to receive and cognitively process sound. "Huh? I couldn't ear a single word you said."

elix*ir (i-liks´-er), n. and v. the act, by a male mammal, of lapping any specific female with his tongue. "My dog wakes my daughter up every mornin'. He jumps on the bed and elixir face."

em*bark (im-bark´), n. and v. referring to the production of the short, sharp cry characteristic of the male of the species Canis familiaris. "That dog's so well behaved you can't make embark."

em*i*grate (em-e-graŻt´), n. and adj. an egotistical inquiry. "I nailed us some pretty good seats here, dude. Emigrate or what?"

emo*tions (i-moŻ´-shens), n. and v. to indicate something with gestures, as performed by a male. "Every time he makes a big play, emotions to the crowd to make more noise."

en*close (in-kloŻz´), n. attired in garments. "She looks good enclose, but she looks better out of them."

en*coun*ter (in-kau?n´-ter), v. to respond to one offer with another. "Find out what he's askin' for it encounter with a lower offer."

en*e*ma (en´-e-me), n. and v. declaring one's state of being or whereabouts. "Dang it all! My car broke down, enema good ten miles from a gas station."

en*roll (in-roŻl´), conj. and v. to move by revolving or turning over repeatedly. "I told you, Lloyd, if you catch on fire you're supposed to stop, drop, enroll."

eras*es (i-raŻ´-sez), n. and v. competing in a contest involving speed, especially by any person named Dale Jr. "Dale Jr. is the man. Erases anybody, anywhere."

es*ca*la*tor (esk´-e-laŻ-ter), v. to make a planned or scheduled inquiry. "I got a question, but I'm kinda busy right now, so could I escalator?"

es*cape (is-kaŻp´), adj. and n. a long, hanging garment worn on a man's back. "I wouldn't have known he was a superhero, but escape gave him away."

Eu*phra*tes (yu?-fraŻ´-teŻz), n. and adj. to be in fear of bodily harm from a male. "What's the matter, Timmy? Euphrates gonna hit ya?"

ex*pend (eks-spend´), n. and v. one's former spouse on a buying spree. "Dang! You should see my expend money."

eye*lash (?Ż-lash´), n. and v. acting with aggression toward another. "I feel bad when eyelash out at my wife."

Ff fe*ces (feŻ´-seŻz), conj. and v. a conditional expression involving concern about being witnessed or discovered, often involving an illicit activity. "Feces us together, the you-know-what is gonna hit the fan."

fe*tus (feŻ´-tes), v. and n. to provide for group mastication. "I wonder what they're gonna fetus for lunch."

feud (fyud´), conj. and v. involving any supposition concerning the action of another person. "I woulda never shot at you, feud never shot at me."

fid*dle (fid´-el), conj. and v. regarding speculation on the result of an action about to be undertaken. "I wonder fiddle get me all the way to the moon?"

fire (fi´-er), conj. and v. an empathetic supposition involving placing oneself in another's position. "Fire you, I'd look for a new place to live."

fis*sion (fi´-shin), n. the act of capturing cold-blooded, aquatic craniate vertebrates. "Ever since they put up that nuclear power plant, the fission been terrible."

fit*ness (fit´-nes), v. and n. to be able to wear a snug garment. "And you didn't think I could fitness bathin' suit after three kids!"

fix*ture (fiks´-cher), v. to have repaired the property of another. "It seems like you would be nicer to me since I just fixture car."

fluo*res*cent (flu?r-es´-sint), n. and v. a negative declaration about the lowermost horizontal surface of a structure. "You'd better mop it again, son. That fluorescent clean yet."

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary by Jeff Foxworthy Copyright © 2005 by Jeff Foxworthy. Excerpted by permission.
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