Ifferisms: An Anthology of Aphorisms That Begin with the Word If by Mardy Grothe

From the Publisher

Perfect for linguaphiles and lovers of quotes, Ifferisms is a lively compendium of wit, wisdom, and wordplay from Dr. Mardy Grothe, author of I Never Metaphor I Didn’t Like, Viva La Repartee, and Oxymoronica. A collection of aphorisms—pithy observations that communicate some kind of truth about the human experience—Ifferisms contains those that begin with “if.” From “If life hands you lemons, make lemonade” to “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” the sayings in Ifferisms demonstrate how hypothetical thinking helps people contemplate their lives.

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people.

If you can't be kind, at least be vague.

An aphorism is a pithy observation that attempts to communicate a truth about the human experience, often with a dash of wit. History's greatest thinkers and writers have viewed the aphorism as a potent tool, and it is remarkable how many of their most memorable observations have been introduced with the biggest little word in the human language: If. These ifferisms, as they have been dubbed by quotation anthologist Dr. Mardy Grothe, demonstrate the powerful role that hypothetical and conditional thinking play in our lives.

This novel compendium of wisdom, wit, and wordplay presents nearly two thousand quotations that all begin with the word if. Alongside history's most famous sayings, readers will find—and often learn the fascinating story behind—such modern classics as "If you build it, they will come" and "If anything can go wrong, it will." In chapters on sex, love, sports, politics, advice, gender dynamics, and more, quotation lovers will savor scintillating observations from the usual suspects—Twain, Wilde, Shaw, Emerson, and Franklin—as well as scores of contemporary wits and wordsmiths.

Product Details

• Read an Excerpt

Read an Excerpt

Ifferisms
An Anthology of Aphorisms That Begin with the Word "IF"

Chapter One

Classic Ifferisms

In 1911, the American writer and publisher Elbert Hubbard—best known as the author of the inspirational story "A Message to Garcia"—aroused controversy when he suggested that he was the original author of a popular American sentiment:

If a man can write a better book, preach a better sermon, or make a better mousetrap than his neighbor, though he builds his house in the woods, the world will make a beaten path to his door.

Quotation researchers were quickly on the case and discovered that, in an 1855 journal entry, Ralph Waldo Emerson had written something similar: "If a man has good corn, or wood, or boards, or pigs, to sell, or can make better chairs or knives, crucibles or church organs, than anybody else, you will find a broad hard-beaten road to his house, though it be in the woods." You will notice, though, that there is no mention of a mousetrap.

In 1889, seven years after Emerson's death, two California women, Sarah Yule and Mary Keene, compiled a book of quotations, titled it Borrowings, and arranged for the First Unitarian Church of San Francisco to publish it. The book attributed the mousetrap observation—exactly as it appears above—to Emerson. In 1912, a year after Hubbard's claim of authorship, Sarah Rule said that she heard Emerson make the remark in an 1871 lecture he delivered in San Francisco. She was sixteen at the time and had attempted to faithfully record the observation in a notebook. We'll never knowwith certainty how Emerson phrased the thought, but it is generally agreed that Emerson, and not Hubbard, was the sentiment's original author. The saying enjoys exalted status in the world of quotations—a classic homage to American ingenuity. As often happens with quotations, it got simplified over time and most people today are familiar with this more streamlined version:

If a man can make a better mousetrap, the world will beat a path to his door.