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Arch-swindler Moist Van Lipwig never believed his confidence crimes were hanging offensesuntil he found himself with a noose tightly around his neck, dropping through a trapdoor, and falling into...a government job?
By all rights, Moist should have met his maker. Instead, it's Lord Vetinari, supreme ruler of Ankh-Morpork, who promptly offers him a job as Postmaster. Since his only other option is a nonliving one, Moist accepts the positionand the hulking golem watchdog who comes along with it, just in case Moist was considering abandoning his responsibilities prematurely.
Getting the moribund Postal Service up and running again, however, may be a near-impossible task, what with literally mountains of decades-old undelivered mail clogging every nook and cranny of the broken-down post office building; and with only a few creaky old postmen and one rather unstable, pin-obsessed youth available to deliver it. Worse still, Moist could swear the mail is talking to him. Worst of all, it means taking on the gargantuan, money-hungry Grand Trunk clacks communication monopoly and its bloodthirsty piratical head, Mr. Reacher Gilt.
But it says on the building neither rain nor snow nor glo m of ni t...Inspiring words (admittedly, some of the bronze letters have been stolen), and for once in his wretched life Moist is going to fight. And if the bold and impossible are what's called for, he'll do itin order to move the mail, continue breathing, get the girl, and specially deliver that invaluable commodity that every human being (not to mention troll, dwarf, and, yes, even golem) requires: hope.
British fantasist Pratchett's latest special-delivery delight, set in his wonderfully crazed city of Ankh-Morpork, hilariously reflects the plight of post offices the world over as they struggle to compete in an era when e-mail has stolen much of the glamour from the postal trade. Soon after Moist von Lipwig (aka Alfred Spangler), Pratchett's not-quite-hapless, accidental hero, barely avoids hanging, Lord Havelock Vetinari, the despotic but pretty cool ruler of Ankh-Morpork, makes him a job offer he can't refuse postmaster general of the Ankh-Morpork Post Office. The post office hasn't been open for 20 years since the advent of the Internet-like clacks communication system. Moist's first impulse is to try to escape, but Mr. Pump, his golem parole officer, quickly catches him. Moist must then deal with the musty mounds of undelivered mail that fill every room of the decaying Post Office building maintained by ancient and smelly Junior Postman Groat and his callow assistant, Apprentice Postman Stanley. The place is also haunted by dead postmen and guarded by Mr. Tiddles, a crafty cat. Readers will cheer Moist on as he eventually finds himself in a race with the dysfunctional clacks system to see whose message can be delivered first. Thanks to the timely subject matter and Pratchett's effervescent wit, this 29th Discworld novel (after 2003's Monstrous Regiment) may capture more of the American audience he deserves. Agent, Ralph M. Vicinanza. (On sale Sept. 28) Forecast: Despite sales of more than 35 million copies of his books worldwide, Pratchett has yet to become a U.S. bestseller. This one may finally break him out of category. Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.
More Reviews and RecommendationsA beloved British author who genre-jumps from humorous fantasy to science fiction to young adult books, Terry Pratchett is perhaps best known for his series of novels set in the fantastical setting of Discworld.
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April 14, 2009: Characters are interesting and there are lots of subplots. Leaves me thoughful whether I'll read another or not.
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February 10, 2009: In this book Terry Prachett outdoes himself with a new character who is just enough of a rouge to attach the reader to him. The satirical look at the system of gov't and its different problems is real enough to attract even slightly more serious readers. If you get a chance make sure to give it a try.
I Also Recommend: Making Money (Discworld Series), Truth (Discworld Series).
Name:
Terry Pratchett
Also Known As:
Terence David John Pratchett
Current Home:
Salisbury, Wiltshire, England
Date of Birth:
April 28, 1948
Place of Birth:
Beaconsfield, Bucks, England
Education:
Four honorary degrees in literature from the universities of Portsmouth, Bristol, Bath and Warwick
Welcome to a magical world populated by the usual fantasy fare: elves and ogres, wizards and witches, dwarves and trolls. But wait -- is that witch wielding a frying pan rather than a broomstick? Has that wizard just clumsily tumbled off the edge of the world? And what is with the dwarf they call Carrot, who just so happens to stand six-foot six-inches tall? Why, this is not the usual fantasy fare at all -- this is Terry Pratchett's delightfully twisted Discworld!
Beloved British writer Pratchett first jump-started his career while working as a journalist for Bucks Free Press during the '60s. As luck would have it, one of his assignments was an interview with Peter Bander van Duren, a representative of a small press called Colin Smythe Limited. Pratchett took advantage of his meeting with Bander van Duren to pitch a weird story about a battle set in the pile of a frayed carpet. Bander van Duren bit, and in 1971 Pratchett's very first novel, The Carpet People, was published, setting the tone for a career characterized by wacky flights of fancy and sly humor.
Pratchett's take on fantasy fiction is quite unlike that of anyone else working in the genre. The kinds of sword-and-dragon tales popularized by fellow Brits like J.R.R. Tolkein and C. S. Lewis have traditionally been characterized by their extreme self-seriousness. However, Pratchett has retooled Middle Earth and Narnia with gleeful goofiness, using his Discworld as a means to poke fun at fantasy. As Pratchett explained to Locus Magazine, "Discworld started as an antidote to bad fantasy, because there was a big explosion of fantasy in the late '70s, an awful lot of it was highly derivative, and people weren't bringing new things to it."
In 1983, Pratchett unveiled Discworld with The Color of Magic. Since then, he has added installments to the absurdly hilarious saga at the average rate of one book per year. Influenced by moderately current affairs, he has often used the series to subtly satirize aspects of the real world; the results have inspired critics to rapturous praise. ("The most breathtaking display of comic invention since PG Wodehouse," raved The Times of London.) He occasionally ventures outside the series with standalone novels like the Johnny Maxwell Trlogy, a sci fi adventure sequence for young readers, or Good Omens, his bestselling collaboration with graphic novelist Neil Gaiman.
Sadly, in 2008 fans received the devastating news that Pratchett had been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. He has described his own reaction as "fairly philosophical" and says he plans to continue writing so long as he is able.
Pratchett's bestselling young adult novel Only You Can Save Mankind was adapted for the British stage as a critically acclaimed musical in 2004.
Discworld is not just the subject of a bestselling series of novels. It has also inspired a series of computer games in which players play the role of the hapless wizard Rincewind.
A few fun outtakes from our interview with Pratchett:
"I became a journalist at 17. A few hours later I saw my first dead body, which was somewhat... colourful. That's when I learned you can go on throwing up after you run out of things to throw up."
"The only superstition I have is that I must start a new book on the same day that I finish the last one, even if it's just a few notes in a file. I dread not having work in progress.
"I grow as many of our vegetables as I can, because my granddad was a professional gardener and it's in the blood. Grew really good chilies this year.
"I'm not really good at fun-to-know, human interest stuff. We're not ‘celebrities', whose life itself is a performance. Good or bad or ugly, we are our words. They're what people meet.
What was the book that most influenced your life or your career as a writer?
There are so many. Doesn't everyone say that? But The Wind In the Willows by Kenneth Grahame was surely the biggest influence, because it was the first book I read for pleasure rather than as a school chore. It got me reading -- within a week, I was haunting the local library.
What are your ten favorite books, and what makes them special to you?
What are some of your favorite films, and what makes them unforgettable to you?
Alien 2 because it was so tightly crafted, Time Bandits simply because it was so funny, and, Bubba Ho-tep, a gem made on a budget that'd probably make one second of The Matrix. You've got to love a movie where an elderly Elvis Presley (he didn't die) and John F. Kennedy (well, that's what he says) join together to save their old folks' rest home from a soul-sucking Egyptian mummy who wears a Stetson.
What types of music do you like? Is there any particular kind you like to listen to when you're writing?
For first drafts, Jim Steinman. For careful editing, something a capella. I've got wide tastes, but I don't like jazz.
What are your favorite kinds of books to give -- and get -- as gifts?
Usually, they're history books. Long after my schooldays, I found I was really interested in it; school never told me it was interesting.
Do you have any special writing rituals? For example, what do you have on your desk when you're writing?
A cup of tea, maybe? I was a journalist, and learned to write anywhere.
Many writers are hardly "overnight success" stories. How long did it take for you to get where you are today? Any rejection-slip horror stories or inspirational anecdotes?
Sorry, I sold my first story and my first novel. But I had to wait about 20 years to become an overnight success.
What tips or advice do you have for writers still looking to be discovered?
Don't talk about it, just write. And read widely, and think about what you read. And let grammar, spelling and punctuation enter your life.
The Barnes & Noble Review
Going Postal, the 29th novel in Terry Pratchett's hilarious Discworld series -- a saga that parodies, well, everything! -- chronicles the life, execution, and glorious rebirth of Moist von Lipwig, a career criminal who is sentenced to a fate worse than death: He's named Postmaster of Ankh-Morpork!
Given the option between being hanged or accepting a job to get Ankh-Morpork's nonexistent postal service up and running again, Moist chooses the latter. But he has no intention of working for the government; the first chance Moist gets he's escaping Ankh-Morpork, unearthing a hidden fortune, and hightailing it to points unknown. The only drawback to his plan is that Lord Havelock Vetinari, the supreme ruler of Ankh-Morpork, has assigned a golem as Moist's parole officer. Golems, giant supernatural entities made from clay, don't need to eat, sleep, or breathe. No matter where Moist goes, the golem (named Mr. Pump) can and will follow. With no hope of escape, Moist glumly accepts his fate. With only two employees left -- an old man with nowhere else to go and a mentally unstable boy obsessed with pins -- Moist must somehow deliver literally mountains of old mail, compete against the technologically superior clack tower message system, and survive the postal curse that has killed all his predecessors.
The two major reasons why Pratchett's Discworld saga continues to be wildly popular after an amazing 29 novels are simple: His outlandish sense of humor never gets old, and with every new novel he throws new and captivating characters -- like Moist von Lipwig, Adora Bella Dearheart, and Iodine Maccalariat -- into the mix. Discworld fans will not only delight in this extremely funny novel, they'll never look at (or lick!) stamps the same way again. Paul Goat Allen
Arch-swindler Moist Van Lipwig never believed his confidence crimes were hanging offensesuntil he found himself with a noose tightly around his neck, dropping through a trapdoor, and falling into...a government job?
By all rights, Moist should have met his maker. Instead, it's Lord Vetinari, supreme ruler of Ankh-Morpork, who promptly offers him a job as Postmaster. Since his only other option is a nonliving one, Moist accepts the positionand the hulking golem watchdog who comes along with it, just in case Moist was considering abandoning his responsibilities prematurely.
Getting the moribund Postal Service up and running again, however, may be a near-impossible task, what with literally mountains of decades-old undelivered mail clogging every nook and cranny of the broken-down post office building; and with only a few creaky old postmen and one rather unstable, pin-obsessed youth available to deliver it. Worse still, Moist could swear the mail is talking to him. Worst of all, it means taking on the gargantuan, money-hungry Grand Trunk clacks communication monopoly and its bloodthirsty piratical head, Mr. Reacher Gilt.
But it says on the building neither rain nor snow nor glo m of ni t...Inspiring words (admittedly, some of the bronze letters have been stolen), and for once in his wretched life Moist is going to fight. And if the bold and impossible are what's called for, he'll do itin order to move the mail, continue breathing, get the girl, and specially deliver that invaluable commodity that every human being (not to mention troll, dwarf, and, yes, even golem) requires: hope.
British fantasist Pratchett's latest special-delivery delight, set in his wonderfully crazed city of Ankh-Morpork, hilariously reflects the plight of post offices the world over as they struggle to compete in an era when e-mail has stolen much of the glamour from the postal trade. Soon after Moist von Lipwig (aka Alfred Spangler), Pratchett's not-quite-hapless, accidental hero, barely avoids hanging, Lord Havelock Vetinari, the despotic but pretty cool ruler of Ankh-Morpork, makes him a job offer he can't refuse postmaster general of the Ankh-Morpork Post Office. The post office hasn't been open for 20 years since the advent of the Internet-like clacks communication system. Moist's first impulse is to try to escape, but Mr. Pump, his golem parole officer, quickly catches him. Moist must then deal with the musty mounds of undelivered mail that fill every room of the decaying Post Office building maintained by ancient and smelly Junior Postman Groat and his callow assistant, Apprentice Postman Stanley. The place is also haunted by dead postmen and guarded by Mr. Tiddles, a crafty cat. Readers will cheer Moist on as he eventually finds himself in a race with the dysfunctional clacks system to see whose message can be delivered first. Thanks to the timely subject matter and Pratchett's effervescent wit, this 29th Discworld novel (after 2003's Monstrous Regiment) may capture more of the American audience he deserves. Agent, Ralph M. Vicinanza. (On sale Sept. 28) Forecast: Despite sales of more than 35 million copies of his books worldwide, Pratchett has yet to become a U.S. bestseller. This one may finally break him out of category. Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.
The incredibly prolific Pratchett does it again, producing yet another entry in the amazing Discworld series. The number of books in this series is upwards of twenty or so, and the author's wit and imagination does not desert him here, although nowadays Discworld is perhaps a little less magical than it was in the earlier titles. Confidence trickster Moist Van Lipwig is rescued from the gallows by Lord Vetinari, dictator of Ankh-Morpork-but only on the condition that he run the long moribund Post Office. No mail has been delivered from the Post Office for decades, but a skeleton staff still remains, overwhelmed by tons of undelivered letters. Meanwhile the telegraph, "the clacks," has become a poorly run monopoly owned by a ruthless scoundrel and a group of greedy investors. To this crowd, a viable post office is a personal threat, and they quickly arrange to burn down the old building, trying to include the postal staff in the bonfire. The reluctant new Post Master struggles to outwit a band of swindlers just as unprincipled as he and only succeeds by pulling off his ultimate scam. Although his humor and allusions are quite British, Pratchett's novels for youth and adults have a devoted worldwide following. The Discworld books, beneath their comic veneer, are increasingly concerned with universal issues such as power, equal rights, law, and justice. This novel will be greedily welcomed by Pratchett fans and should garner new ones. VOYA CODES: 4Q 2P S A/YA (Better than most, marred only by occasional lapses; For the YA with a special interest in the subject; Senior High, defined as grades 10 to 12; Adult-marketed book recommended for Young Adults). 2004, HarperCollins, 377p., Ages 15 toAdult.
Adult/High School-When petty con man Moist von Lipwig is hung for his crimes in the first chapter of this surprising and humorous novel, it appears to be the end. But this is Discworld after all, a world "a lot like our own but different." Moist awakes from the shock of his hanging to find that the city's Patrician, Lord Vetinari, has assigned him a government job (a fate worse than death?) restoring the defunct postal system. Of course, there is much more to restore than the flow of letters and packages. Justice as well as communication has been poorly served by a hostile takeover of the "clacks"-a unique messaging system that is part semaphore, part digital, and under the monopoly of the Grand Trunk Company. Before Moist can get very far into the job, he encounters ghosts, the voices of unsent letters, and a ruthless corporate conspiracy. In this quickly escalating battle, the post office is definitely the underdog, but, as the author notes, "an underdog can always find somewhere soft to bite." Fortunately Moist has friends: the determined Miss Dearheart, a golem with more than feet of clay, and a secret society of unemployed and very unusual postal workers as well as a vampire named Oscar. The author's inventiveness seems to know no end, his playful and irreverent use of language is a delight, and there is food for thought in his parody of fantasyland. This 29th Discworld novel, like the rest of the series, is a surefire hit for fans of Douglas Adams and Monty Python.-Carolyn Lehman, Humboldt State University, Arcata, CA Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
Pratchett satirizes the modern telecom business in a deeply satisfying comedy about a man sent to a fate worse than death: the post office. Fans of Pratchett's Discworld series will be happy he's returning to the city of Ankh-Morpork-after the Balkan War-esque madness of Monstrous Regiment (2003)-though it's not to the familiar environs of the Watch or Unseen University. This time, Moist Von Lipwig, a scam artist with a host of aliases, has just been hanged for his crimes-except that he hasn't, due to some trickery with the rope. It seems that the Duke wants a man everybody thinks is dead to take over the city's long-moribund post office. That's no easy task, what with only two employees left, both pretty much insane, puttering around the massive, dead-letter-stuffed edifice, not to mention the competition with the clacks towers. Pratchett follows Moist's attempts to resuscitate regular mail service as he goes up against the evil hegemony of corporate toadies running the clacks towers, a once-impressive series of semaphore towers that, when they work, can send a message hundreds of miles in no time at all, but at a hefty price. With the exception of a few heavy-handed statements about the public good versus private profit, Pratchett slides the satire in around the edges of the primary action: watching a career criminal transitioning rather quickly to earnest civic flunky, all under the watchful (glowing red) eyes of a monstrously powerful and patient government-employed golem. Although Moist seems a little too eager to leave his bad ways behind, it's almost shamefully enjoyable to watch him restore the mail routes, invent the idea of stamps, and go toe-to-toe with everything fromrapacious businessmen to bloodthirsty banshees as he shows how to deliver letters over 40 years late. Sharp-edged humor-and wonderfully executed.
Loading...2. Discuss the role of golems in Ankh-Morpork society. While they glaringly exhibit inhuman characteristics - they never sleep, they never eat, they have glowing red eyes - they are nevertheless made up of earthy material and are frequently referred to as moral and honest. In the text, Miss Dearheart attributes this morality to their lack of "existential angst" (63). What does Pratchett seem to be saying here? Can we blame our uncertainty about our purpose in life for much of our immoral behavior? For any of it?
3. In this first section of the book we meet Stanley, a self-professed "pinhead." What would be the most popular modern equivalent of collecting pins? And what can we therefore infer about the system used by the "moribund" post office?
4. "Stupidity had a limited life in this city" (110). In Ankh-Morpork, intelligence seems to be crucial for survival, even if it can lead to people being conned and otherwise hurt. How do you think this relates to Terry Pratchett's statement that he likes the theory of evolution because he finds the idea of a "risen ape" more beautiful than that of a "fallen angel"?
5. Referring back to last week's discussion about the golems, how does the human need for intelligence (with all its guile and dishonesty) in order to survive reflect on golems' apparent morality? Is it the case that golems are able to be moral not because they have no "existential angst", as Miss Dearheart claimed, but because they are not vulnerable like humans to injury, starvation or disease? Does the combination of intelligence and mortality introduce a species to moral dilemmas?
6. "You have to be clever to refrain from doing [magic] when you knew how easy it was" (148). Pratchett satirically equates magic in Discworld with aspects of experimental science in our own - particularly by having the magicians deal with seemingly fantastical knowledge that is actually perfectly respectable modern physics, like possible worlds and quantum unpredictability. Do you think there are scientific experiments we should "refrain from doing"?
7. Going Postal tackles the subject of corporate greed and corruption, contrasting the "modern" clacks communication giant with the "old-fashioned" post office. What do you think Pratchett is trying to say about today's work environment in his portrayal of the two entities? On the subject of the clacks, Moist muses that "maybe it was something so big that no one could run it at a profit. […] maybe the profit turned up spread around the whole of society" (366). Do you agree that companies should not pursue money alone? Are there some services which should lie outside the free market?
8. Terry Pratchett has said that he is writing about what happens "after fantasy," when golems are put to work pumping water and werewolves make good police officers because they can track down criminals. To what uses might you put these fantastical creatures in modern America?
9. Reacher Gilt, unofficial head of the clacks company, 'spins' the failure of the clacks in the newspaper by using "meaningless" corporate jargon like "core competencies," "change management," "systemic" and "synergistically" to confuse the public (287). Later, Moist reflects that this is like dragging innocent words into the gutter, but concedes that "synergistically" had "probably been a whore from the start." Are there any words currently used in business or politics that you think belong "in the gutter" with it?
10. One of the book's central themes is hope. Lord Vetinari says that "hope is the curse of humanity" (292) and Moist repeatedly cites hope as the reason that glass can be made to look so much more like diamond than diamond does. He also claims that "people enjoy the experience of being fooled, if it promises a certain amount of entertainment" (307). On a number of occasions, Moist dupes the Ankh-Morporkian public. But on the whole, do you think the hope they gave him was misplaced? Do you think he chose not to destroy the clacks for the public good, or because his alternative was more dramatic? Does it matter?
As a side question, why do you think the image of a glass diamond which looks more real than a real one is repeated so often in the book? Does it work as a metaphor for something (or someone)?
12. Terry Pratchett has said that Going Postal is about the "redemption of a basically good man." In what ways is that redemption made manifest? Moist reconciles himself to the prospect of an honest life by resolving that "All he had to do was remind himself, every few months, that he could quit anytime. Provided he knew he could, he'd never have to. (370)" Do you think that's a realistic portrayal of redemption? 13. Another overriding theme is choice - a concept which is intimately bound up with that of freedom. Specifically, we see a lot of choices being offered which turn out not to be choices at all. Moist is given a choice between a(nother) drop to his death and a job. He even jokes about it to Dearheart: Dearheart: "Why did you take it?" Moist: "It was a job for life" And Lord Vetinari tells the clacks company that "the only choice your customers have is between you and nothing." But Moist makes at least two very important choices entirely of his own volition. What are they? And what does Pratchett seem to be saying? Is freedom a universal right, or is the freedom to choose tied up with self-sacrifice? (Literally, in the case of Vetinari's door!) The golems 'buy' their freedom. Ultimately, is that all any of us can do?
And he took a more positive approach to the situation and had concentrated his mind on the prospect of not being hanged in the morning, and, most particularly, on the prospect of removing all the crumbling mortar from around a stone in his cell wall with a spoon. So far the work had taken him five weeks and reduced the spoon to something like a nail file. Fortunately, no one ever came to change the bedding here, or else they would have discovered the world's heaviest mattress.
It was a large and heavy stone that was currently the object of his attentions, and, at some point, a huge staple had been hammered into it as an anchor for manacles. Moist sat down facing the wall, gripped the iron ring in both hands, braced his legs against the stones on either side, and heaved.
His shoulders caught fire, and a red mist filled his vision, but the block slid out with a faint and inappropriate tinkling noise. Moist managed to ease it away from the hole and peered inside. At the far end was another block, and the mortar around it looked suspiciously strong and fresh.
Just in front of it was a new spoon. It was shiny. As he studied it, he heard the clapping behind him. He turned his head, tendons twanging a little riff of agony, and saw several of the wardens watching him through the bars.
"Well done, Mr. Spangler!" said one of them. "Ron here owes me five dollars! I told him you were a sticker! ‘He's a sticker,' I said!"
"You set this up, did you, Mr.Wilkinson?" said Moist weakly, watching the glint of light on the spoon.
"Oh, not us, sir. Lord Vetinari's orders. He insists that all condemned prisoners should be offered the prospect of freedom."
"Freedom? But there's a damn great stone through there!"
"Yes, there is that, sir, yes, there is that," said the warden. "It's only the prospect, you see. Not actual free freedom as such. Hah, that'd be a bit daft, eh?"
"I suppose so, yes," said Moist. He didn't say "you bastards." The wardens had treated him quite civilly these past six weeks, and he made a point of getting on with people. He was very, very good at it. People skills were part of his stock-in-trade; they were nearly the whole of it.
Besides, these people had big sticks. So, speaking carefully, he added: "Some people might consider this cruel, Mr.Wilkinson." "Yes, sir, we asked him about that, sir, but he said no, it wasn't. He said it provided"—his forehead wrinkled—"occ-you-pay-shunall ther-rap-py, healthy exercise, prevented moping, and offered that greatest of all treasures, which is Hope, sir."
"Hope," muttered Moist glumly.
"Not upset, are you, sir?"
"Upset? Why should I be upset, Mr.Wilkinson?"
"Only the last bloke we had in this cell, he managed to get down that drain, sir. Very small man. Very agile."
Moist looked at the little grid in the floor. He'd dismissed it out of hand.
"Does it lead to the river?" he said.
The warden grinned. "You'd think so, wouldn't you? He was really upset when we fished him out. Nice to see you've entered into the spirit of the thing, sir. You've been an example to all of us, sir, the way you kept going. Stuffing all the dust in your mattress? Very clever, very tidy. Very neat. It's really cheered us up, having you in here. By the way, Mrs.Wilkinson says thanks very much for the fruit basket. Very posh, it is. It's got kumquats, even!"
"Don't mention it, Mr.Wilkinson."
"The warden was a bit green about the kumquats, 'cos he only got dates in his, but I told him, sir, that fruit baskets is like life— until you've got the pineapple off of the top you never know what's underneath. He says thank you, too."
"Glad he liked it, Mr.Wilkinson," said Moist absentmindedly. Several of his former landladies had brought in presents for "the poor, confused boy," and Moist always invested in generosity. A career like his was all about style, after all.
"On that general subject, sir," said Mr.Wilkinson, "me and the lads were wondering if you might like to unburden yourself, at this point in time, on the subject of the whereabouts of the place where the location of the spot is where, not to beat about the bush, you hid all that money you stole . . . ?"
The jail went silent. Even the cockroaches were listening. "No, I couldn't do that, Mr. Wilkinson," said Moist loudly, after a decent pause for dramatic effect. He tapped his jacket pocket, held up a finger, and winked.
The warders grinned back.
"We understand totally, sir. Now I'd get some rest if I was you, sir, 'cos we're hanging you in half an hour," said Mr.Wilkinson. "Hey, don't I get breakfast?"
"Breakfast isn't until seven o'clock, sir," said the warder reproachfully. "But, tell you what, I'll do you a bacon sandwich. 'Cos it's you, Mr. Spangler."
The foregoing is excerpted from Going Postal by Terry Pratchett. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced without written permission from HarperCollins Publishers, 10 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 10022
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