Difficult People at Work: How to Cope, How to Win by Arthur Bell

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Whether you work for them, or with them, difficult people can make life at work, well, difficult. These S.O.P.s-sources of pain-are only a small number of the people we deal with every day, but the major source of our frustration, anger, and dissatisfaction.

This book identifies twelve basic types of difficult people you are likely to encounter at the office. Each can be described in terms of two general coordinates: how involved they are with others, and how outspoken they are. At one end of the spectrum is the "bitter recluse," who prefers isolation to interaction with co-workers, and remains silent at meetings; at the other end is the "politician," who strives to develop a "power base" among other workers, and constantly lets the world know his or her opinions.

The best way to deal with difficult people-to render them harmless, even helpful, is to focus not on what they do, but on what we do in response to what we regard as their mean, selfish, destructive words and actions. Often our anger, however natural and justified, leads us to inadvertently make things worse. We overemphasize the negative and ignore any positive attributes difficult people may have, any constructive contribution they may make, and any turnaround they may attempt.

Instead of giving in to our own frustrations, we should practice the technique of "active listening." First, turn off all prejudgments and assumptions about the person talking to you and the direction the conversation might take. Next, listen intently. Focus your attention on asking emotionally neutral questions designed to get information-not nasty comments or hostile accusations. You might say something like "Tell me more about that" or "Canyou give me an example?" Repeat some of the person's key phrases and ideas, using a tone of interest, not judgment. This technique can actually help difficult people express themselves more clearly. Finally, after the conversation, jot down what you remember. This will get you into the habit of concentrating on information rather than personality traits.

Difficult People at Work offers many other strategies for disarming S.O.P.s. Each is illustrated by real-life business examples, drawn from more than five hundred interviews with business executives, managers, and workers, and from the latest research on conflict resolution, interpersonal dynamics, and effective business communication.

Difficult People at Workwill give you a set of easy-to-use tools for overhauling damaged business relationships and turning them to everyone's advantage. After all, peace is much more pleasant-and productive than war-in the office as well as everywhere else.

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