Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship and Dating by R. Don Steele

From the Publisher

Sexual signals help you find, meet, talk with and date Mister or Ms Right using secrets of nonverbal communication. Forty photographs clearly show what to watch out for. The essence of courtship and dating conversations is to communicate, with and without words, “This is who I am. I hope you like me. Show and tell me about yourself so I can discover if I like you.”

Women, learn how you can easily get noticed, then interest and attract the right type of man, a man you can trust. The way he stands or sits, touches or does not touch himself lets you know if he is telling the truth. The brutally honest chapter is titled Courtship Tactics For Women. Men, learn how you can tell from across the room if she’s interested in you just by her posture and gestures. During conversation, find out if she’s leading you on or if she’s sincerely interested in you. The brutally honest chapter is titled Courtship Tactics For Men.

Body Language Anecdote-Televised Liars. As the Watergate hearings were taking place in 1973, I was interning as a Marriage, Family and Child Counselor with Nathaniel Branden. Part of my responsibilities included learning, then teaching body language to fellow interns. In the afternoons we’d watch the daily televised testimony with sorrow and dread as our country’s President was slowly, but steadily revealed as a crook. I kept telling everyone John Mitchell, the Attorney General, was lying on the witness stand. Nobody believed, rather, wanted to believe, that America’s chief law enforcement officer would lie to the United States Senate. But, I could feel it, as corny as it sounds, deep in my bones. One day, someone turned the volume down on the television to answer the phone. We kept watching the silent screen. With the sound off, we were all able to notice that time after time, Mitchell would touch his mouth or eye when responding, or close his eyes while, or just as he finished, speaking. After he did that about three times, the entire group, especially me, screamed, “He’s lying! He’s lying!”

Later, to help recently divorced clients and clients who had inadequate social skills, Branden had me conduct Assertiveness Training For Singles. Part of the program was the Body Language Of Courtship. The aim was to teach women how to spot manipulative, lying men and to help men learn which women were attracted to them.

People Don’t Always Say What They Really Mean But Their Body Language Reveals The Truth

Who’s Lying To You And Who’s Lusting For You!

Attract, Interest And Date The Right Type Of Man

Know When To Keep Talking And When To Move On

Appear To Be Confident And Relaxed

Be Able To Tell If She’s Interested In You From Across The Room

Spot Game Players Instantly

Find Out If He’s Mr. Right Or A Lurking Mr. Hyde!

Know When You’re Coming On Too Strong

Direct Conversation So That The Other Person Is Attracted To You Discover If He’s Sincere Or Just Trying To Get Lucky

Understand When She Is Encouraging You And When She’s Leading You On Spot, Then Send Your Own Non-Verbal Signals Of Interest Let The Other Person Know You’re Attracted With Easy-To-Learn Gestures

Tom French

Steele has written the benchmark book of courtship body language. There's nothing that even comes close. Money well spent. -- Orange County Register

Product Details

• Table of Contents
• Read an Excerpt

Table of Contents

Read an Excerpt

Lines, Lies, Or The Truth, Chapter 1: A Sincere Man.

When he's standing, his feet are slightly apart, firmly planted on the ground. He looks you in the eyes often. When he gestures, his palms are open and up. His arms are slightly extended. His head is slightly tilted. He only glances at your breasts occasionally. He never sneaks a peek at other women. He leans toward you now and then to invade your territory. Only after you have touched him, does he touch you, and then it's completely appropriate. He does not try to dominate you by getting so close that his physical size is intimidating. When he's talking with you sitting down, it's about the same as when he's standing.

Openness Is Sincerity The wine glass is not a barrier, he's leaning forward, head slightly tilted, hands not clenching, feet flat on floor, eyes looking directly at you, and overall, he's alert and energetic. A Deceitful Man (Or Woman). When he's talking or listening, his feet are not firmly planted. One foot, or both, rests on the outside edge. Sometimes only his heel touches the ground. If he clears his throat, fidgets in the chair, touches his nose lightly, touches his mouth, tugs his ear or rubs his eye, he's probably lying to you.

Eyes Close As He Speaks. This is the same as touching one's eye or rubbing one's eyes. The liar doesn't have to look you in the eyes as he lies or just after. This gesture can also reveal disdain, contempt and pomposity. It is commonly seen in people who consider themselves better then the rest of us. Mouth Or Lip Touching. He usually barely touches his chin, lip or corner of the mouth as he speaks, or just after. With this gesture the liar declares, "I can't believe I said that," or, "I can't believe what I'm saying." Nose Touching. The liar is saying, "This stinks, even to me." The act also conveniently covers his mouth.

Lying Hands. Patting oneself gently usually means the person is trying to reassure himself. It's the same as patting a child to let him know everything's going to be okay. It may mean that the person is taking a big risk by talking with this attractive woman so he tells himself to relax "everything will be fine." Then again, it could mean that he's telling himself that it's okay to lie just this one time.

The liar often moves his hands toward his mouth or eyes during or immediately after the lie. Sometimes he rests his elbows on the table and raises his folded hands in front of his mouth and speaks from behind this barrier.

Major Cluster Of Gestures. If she's talking, this woman is telling a colossal lie. If listening, she is utterly disgusted with the person who is talking. From top to bottom, notice all the different signals she is sending. Her head is vertical, not tilted, revealing that she is not interested in the person. Her eyes are closed, indicating she's either telling a lie or does not believe what she's hearing. Her finger is touching her nose as the rest of her hand covers her mouth. This indicates "something stinks," or "I don't believe what I said," or "I don't believe what I heard." She is hunched over, not sitting up erect and alert. She has closed herself off completely by crossing her arms and crossing her legs. Only one foot is on the floor and it is not solidly planted, but rocked back on the heel.

Hand To Mouth. This gesture often begins as a slight bottom-of-the-nose rub. The hand stays and covers the mouth. That means he does not believe the speaker or he's preventing himself from saying something.

Signs Of Interest, Chapter 3

A few days after watching a video of The Thomas Crown Affair, Joanna and I were having wine and hors d'oeuvres in a quiet, romantic restaurant three months into our relationship. All of a sudden, she forever lost her doubts about the validity of body language. Between intense moments of falling deeply into love, I had shared my knowledge with her as idle conversation. She, as most people are in the beginning, was a skeptic. In a subtle attempt to convince her, I had rented the movie. A few hours after we had watched it, I rewound it to the chess match and seduction scene. I asked Joanna to focus on body language. As the attractive female investigator matched wits with Thomas Crown on the chess board, and about the robbery, she used nonverbal signals to distract him. Every time it was his turn to move, she idly but sensually, fondled her bishop. In blunt terms, she masturbated it. Crown could not take is eyes off what she was doing, lost concentration and gave up on the chess match. Joanna wasn't impressed.

Back to wine and hors d'oeuvres. As we were chatting, Joanna abruptly blurted out, "Look what I'm doing to my glass!" She was slowly, lovingly stroking the long stem, up and down, up and down.

Sexual Signals. Women, don't hesitate to use this subtle, powerful nonverbal signal to tell the man he's doing just fine as you talk. Men, the equivalent is to run your finger slowly around the rim of your glass during casual conversation. If you want to be rather blatant, casually touch the tip of your finger to your mouth now and then to lubricate the lip of the glass. From Across The Room. Women, keep that geek away! Get that guy in the red shirt to come over here and talk. Send each man an unspoken but unmistakable message.

Men, don't get shot down by approaching a woman who is not interested in you. Pay attention to what she's "saying" without words. Here are signs of interest sent from across the room. Most are applicable to both sexes. The sequence of the list approximates the courtship sequence.

I'M INTERESTED/DON'T BOTHER ME

Sidelong glance(s)/Never sneaks a peek

Looks at you a few times/Fleeting eye contact

Holds your gaze briefly/Looks away quickly

Downcast eyes, then away/Looks away, eyes level

Posture changes to alert/Posture unchanged

Preens, adjusts hair, attire/Does no preening

Turns body toward you/Turns body away

Tilts head/Head remains vertical

Narrows eyes slightly/Eyes remain normal

Twists, tugs at ring/Shows ring-back of hand

Smiles/Neutral, polite face

Matches your posture/Posture unchanged

Eyes sparkle/Normal or dull eyes

Licks her lips/Keeps mouth closed

Moves hand to her hip/Posture unchanged

Thrusts breasts/Sags to de-emphasize breasts

From Across The Room. In the first photo, she looks at the man she wants with a slight smile on her face. Notice that her wine glass is not directly in front of her as a barrier. Also notice that her empty hand is relaxed on her lap, not gripping her knee, because that indicates getting hold of herself. In the second photo, she has looked at him again. She has removed her glasses (barrier) and has barely tilted her head. Her smile is slightly bigger. In the third photo, she has put her glass and her glasses down. Her posture has shifted from relaxed to erect and ready. She has turned so that her breasts face the man directly. Notice the open hand on her lap and uncrossed legs with feet flat on the floor, signs of openness and readiness. Finally, notice she is preening by checking her ear rings. That action also flashes her palm at the man.

Sidelong Glance. Both men and women announce their interest by sneaking a peek. It begins with a look out of the corner of their eyes. The next time they look at you, they turn their head in your direction ever so slightly. The first sidelong glance is to see if you're worth looking at again. The second glance is to verify what they saw out of the corner of their eyes. When they look at you again, they are deciding if you are worth interacting with.

Holds Your Gaze Briefly. The person stares at you until you look at them, then they hold your gaze for longer than is socially appropriate. Note that the way a woman breaks off this type of eye contact is significant. Downcast Eyes. Women, if you are interested, break off sustained eye contact by looking down before looking away. This your first act of submission and your first sign of reassurance that he will not be hurt if he comes over and talks with you.

Posture Changes To Erect. When anyone becomes interested, they shift from casual and relaxed, to energized and erect even when seated. This movement is among the most reliable single gestures. Although it's a slight change, you will notice if you are paying attention.

Preening. After noticing someone attractive, we all adjust ourselves. Some common gestures: men fix their ties, women fluff their hair. Both sexes check their jewelry to be certain it is properly displayed. Quite reliable when following initial sustained eye-contact.

Smiles. From across the room, any smile is good, a definite sign of interest. However, the best smile is not a big, broad, friendly smile even though that's a great beginning. The smile you want to see is a sensual one. The person's eyes are narrowed and their eyes are smiling but their mouth is only slightly open and not much of their teeth show. Hard to miss! Extremely reliable when following any other signs of interest.

In Summary. Frequency of eye contact, the more the better. Amount of time she, or he, holds your gaze, the longer the better. How she breaks off eye contact, down before away is great! Shine of the eyes, the brighter the better. Direction of body, toward you, good, away, bad. Overall posture, erect and alert are good. Tilt of head, vertical is bad, increased tilt is great. Where the drink is held, high in front as a barrier, that's bad. Hand activity, clenched, squeezing or pinching is bad, open, caressing or stroking is great.