(Paperback)
"The complete list of all the little things Barack Obama has done for you
America has fallen in love with Barack Obama for his impassioned rhetoric, his commitment to change, and his hope for a brighter future. But what about the time he tuned up your guitar? Barack Obama is Your New Bicycle is the first book to chronicle all the lesser-known accomplishments of the freshman senator from Illinois, from finding your car keys to batting in the winning run for your softball team.
Mathew Honan, creator of the hit website barackobamaisyournewbicycle.com, spent hundreds of thousands of hours on the campaign trail to bring you 366 examples of some of the things America's sweetheart of a senator has done for you, including:
*|Barack Obama shoveled the snow from your walkway
*|Barack Obama checked under your bed for monsters
*|Barack Obama danced with your mom at your sister's wedding
*|When one of your vocalists came down with a nasty bronchitis bug, Barack Obama sang backup in your band
*|Barack Obama left a comment on your blog
*|Barack Obama warmed up your car for you
*|Barack Obama followed your directions even though he was pretty sure his way was faster
A must-have compendium of the sweet things he has done for you, Barack Obama is Your New Bicycle is the only book that can do justice to the nicest man who ever lived.
"
Mathew Honan made barackobamaisyournewbicycle.com in February 2008. A contributing editor at Wired magazine, his writing can also be found in Salon.com, Mother Jones, The New York Sun, and Popular Science.
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January 02, 2009: This book is the funniest thing ive seen in ages! If Barnes and Noble would let me i'd give it 100 stars for Accuracy and Inspiring. It show the insanity of the american people when it comes to this man. They think he's the second coming of Christ when the truth is he couldnt give 2 sh*ts if you needed your walk shoveled or if you need lower taxes or better health care. Im really glad someone had the guts to stand up and not be afraid of hurting someones feelings and show how this man is not as great as yall think he is
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November 11, 2008:
About the author: Mathew Honan is Satan.
I was at Barnes & Noble and I saw this in the humor section. The title piqued my curiosity enough to open it and flip through it, in hope of an explanation. Barack Obama is my new bicycle? What?
First of all, the word "your" in the title actually means "my sister's". The author's sister. The title is speaking only to Mathew Honan's sister. It's an inside joke between the two of them.
That said, if you are not this man's sister, avoid this book. Also, if you are Honan's sister, avoid this book. There is nothing of value here. After the introduction, which explains the title, every page is the same.
Alright, you're still reading, I don't know why, but you are. So here's the joke of the title. (liberal use of the word "joke")
This guy's sister doesn't ride her bicycle as much anymore because she now spends her time promoting Obama. There, that's the joke. Get it?!?! It's the only joke in the book, so I hope you enjoyed it. The rest of the pages are all the same. I'll give you examples. While I haven't actually memorized any of the pages, it won't matter, you'll see why.
Here are a few examples of what every page is like:
Barack Obama did your dishes.
Barack Obama saved your computer from a virus you got while downloading porn.
Barack Obama gave you an enema when you didn't sh*t for a month.
(Alright I admit those latter two examples are too entertaining to be included in the real book. The first one represents it accurately though. The things it says he did in the book are all mundane.)
Starting to see the pattern? Every page in the book has one of these lines, telling you that Barack Obama did you some personal favor. No, he doesn't tell you anything that Barack Obama has actually done, for you, the country, or anyone, it doesn't tell you what Barack Obama says he will do for us during his presidency, nothing like that, he just makes up nonsense. The same formula each time. Barack Obama shovelled your driveway, Barack Obama paid your taxes, Barack obama pleasured your dog, Barack Obama dsfadafdsa your fdbswabw, Barack Obama <insert ANYTHING>, Barack Obama, Barack Obama, Barack Obama. Nonsense. If you've seen one page of the book, you've seen them all. Just think up any activity, and then say Barack Obama did it. That's the whole book. I'm not joking. Just keep the activities as uninteresting as possible. Don't get creative, keep them simple.
There are so many entertaining, creative, knowledgeable, enlightening writers trying to make a living today. To think that THIS is taking up a place on the shelves that could be used for ANYTHING else is enough to make one lose all faith in humanity. It's disgusting. I don't care how much you like Obama, don't buy this. Buy HIS book, The Audacity of Hope.
Don't give this guy any money. It's time we stop paying these morons to keep lowering our standards. Our greatest minds are out there trying to provide us something with value, and we're passing them all up for awful trash like this.
Our geniuses are starving.
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